~Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Drink, Drank, Drunk


I got home from work and was greeted with a sleeping Scott. I wedged myself in the crook in front of his side on the couch and shook him, "Baby, I'm home. Wake up and play with me!" I've got that 2-year-old annoyance thing down.

"We have to talk," he murmured without opening his eyes.

"What?" I asked, the tone of my voice audibly dropping. Inwardly I grimaced, but I knew this was going to be nothing more than an inconvenience. He's used the dreaded expression several times, and they all were in reference not to some horrible grievance of mine, but of something regarding him.

Instead of responding, Scott's body began to shudder. After a closer examination, I saw that he was crying. I softened up, "What's wrong?" And when he didn't respond and cried even harder, "Baby, talk because you're scaring me."

"I have to quit drinking," he finally worked out. "It's not fair that I can't be like everyone else. I can't go to Christmas parties. I can't drink and not get drunk. I'm an alcoholic. And I don't want that. I don't want the stigma that's attached with being one. I preferred NA-"


"Narcotics Anonymous."


"I preferred NA to AA because you weren't allowed to talk about drinking in NA."

"Well that's probably why you liked it."

"And they told me. They told me I had to give up alcohol too. They told me this would happen.

"Today, on my day off of work, I drank a 12-pack and I was stumbling around the apartment by myself. That's no way to live," he continued to cry some more. "I'm going to go to AA tomorrow. And I don't want you to leave me."

"Oh!" and I wrapped my arms around his neck. This was probably the least painful thing he could say. I've been waiting and wanting for him to say it. "Whatever you need me to do," I told him, "I'll do it. If you want me to go with you to AA, I will. If you want me to go to Al-Anon, I will. If you need for us not to keep any alcohol in the house, or if you need me to stop drinking too, I'll do it." I tried not to laugh out of happiness.

He wept again, "Why always me? Why can't I be normal?"

"Scott, you throw yourself completely into things. And that's not always a bad thing; sometimes it can be really good, like when you throw yourself into relationships and work. But it also has its drawbacks when it comes to substance abuse. Besides, this isn't entirely your fault. Alcoholism runs on both sides of your family, and pretty predominantly at that," I tried.

"I've been down this path before [with the drugs]," Scott explained. "I already know what's going to happen. And I know how it's going to end. This will kill me if I don't quit. But I'd rather have a life and babies with you. I want to do this for myself, but I want to do this for you too." He reached over and grabbed my chin, "Do you think you could be with an alcoholic? Would you want to be?"

"I already have," I said, still leaving out large chunks of detail in my life. "While it's not a quality I would seek out, I wouldn't give you up over it," I answered truthfully. "We'll do this. Together."


Anonymous said...

I sympathise. I also think it's only natural that you would end up with an alcoholic boyfriend. The amount of alcohol you drink during first dates and the beginning of relationships is so excessive that only a fellow alcoholic would put up with you. I hope you attend AA meetings with him, because you did use and abuse alcohol as an emotional and social crutch.

Sarah said...

Thanks. Not.

Diane Mandy said...

I'm happy that he sounds so ready to go. I'll be rooting for you and Scott.

Tilly said...

SO glad that you are committed to making it work TOGETHER. Everyone needs love and support and he's blessed to have your strength and understanding in his life--and he recognizes it.

Oh, and anon, you're a REAL peach. Your ability to "sypathise" with Sarah is unparalleled. Apparently your crutch is posting anonymous comments on blogs. How special.

AmyD said...

First things first: What the fuck is up with Anon/"Judgy Wudgy?" Way to turn it around there, buddy.

Sarah, this is really great news about Scotts awareness. I'm a firm believer that you can't tell others what to do; they have to come upon their conclusions on their own in order for the end result to be a positive one. I continue to be impressed with how will you work through things with Scott. So many people would be silent about something like this because it's easier. Not you guys. I'm impressed, and wish you both luck in these next months. It won't be easy, but it will be WORTH IT. ((HUGS))

Anonymous said...

You guys are the silly supporting crew of enablers that have been egging Sarah on into drinking and sleeping around. You need someone to tell it to her straight not get on all fours and kiss her ass. She's an alcoholic. She needs to accept that.

Lpeg said...

ps. love the new slogan!

Lpeg said...

darnit!! I wrote a whole long comment, hit preview, and then forgot to publish!! lol.

Just wanted to say I'm glad he's getting the help he needs! Goodluck with it all!!


Paige Jennifer said...

Just be true to yourself, kiddo.

KennethSF said...

This may be one of those rare moments of epiphany that can turn one's life around. Very encouraging! Good luck!

dont eat the token said...

This sounds encouraging. God bless you both!

Trin said...

Yeah - anon - you are a COWARD to say those words and then identify yourself as "anonymous" -spineless.
So, on to what I wanted to say to Sarah - that is great that Scott realizes that. It won't be easy but you will have each other. I've been to AA meetings with my friend who quit drinking and it's a very loving and supportive enviornment.
Stay strong! I'm rooting for you both!
And, yo also you might want to enable your comments from registered users or peeps with registered google accounts - you don't need this bs from anonymous.

Kale Rae said...

Me thinks Anon has a wee grudge against Sarah. There is one thing to be said about giving constructive feedback and then there is being downright cruel and hurtful.

Blue soup said...

Hey Sarah pet. Dan once reminded me about "internet trolls" and I thought I would do the same for you. They're faceless jerks who deliberately post inflammatory comments on a blog/online community just to get a reaction. They know what they are saying will make tempers rise.

Let anon post whatever he/she/it wants - those comments only provide a wealth of evidence that he/she/it is a blinkered idiot who has to force their opinions onto other people in order to feel important.

Not worth it pet.

As for all this with Scott, you are doing just what he needs. Keep it up. You're not alone xx

AmyD said...

To my favorite Anon:

I don't recall ONE TIME I've "egged" Sarah on to "drink and sleep around." Maybe I should start, though. Sounds like a fucking KICKASS way to live a life! Woo hoooooooooo!

To Sarah:

**SMOOCH** (Please apply this kiss to your left ass-cheek. THANKS!)

*kb* said...

Wait there's something wrong with drinking and sleeping around!? Last time I checked we were all adults and had the ability to make our own choices, no?!

Ok anyway, sorry Sarah! :-) I'm happy to hear of Scott's revelation and here's to one day at a time for both of you!! :-D

J said...

Have I mentioned how I like Scott? He is rough around the edges but he is honest and real. I am so happy for you Sarah!

Me said...

You made it!!!

You have a troll!


Idiotic. Judgemental. People tend to forget that they only see the snapshot of a person on a blog or on a first date....or a second..there is a lot more to us.:)

Make sure you don't loose yourself in his struggle...so get yourself some help too as you walk this path with him. :)

kristin b said...

yay! this is great news.. and i'm so happy for you. i'll definitely be thinking about y'all.

and also, if you're an alcoholic.. so am i. :/

Sparkel said...

Speaking as a person with alcoholic parents in some serious denial about it, it's good that he admitted that he has a problem. And it's amazingly good that he wants your help with it. Good luck on what is inevitably a tough road.

Oh, and I totally greet my guy with "come and play with me!" :D


Apple Jess said...

all i can is i hope it all pans out and there's finally a happy ending for you.

M said...

thank god he came to that realisation by himself. This is an excellent first step. He can finally start getting on with it now. <3<3

T.J. said...

Two things.
1. Good for Scott.
2. Fuck you Anonymous.

Sarah said...

Thank you everyone for your words and e-mails of support. This was something I needed to write and get out for my own emotional well-being, and I feel so happy to know I don't have to feel so alone in this.

Venting said...

I think it's great that he's realized it, and is seeking help. I wouldn't keep alcohol in the house, except maybe under lock and key. My dad still goes to AA meetings after 20 years of being sober, and even now, they won't keep alcohol in the house.

londongirl said...

I really hope Scott's progress is continuing - this is fantastic news. A big step in the right direction.


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