~Monday, January 28, 2008

Dr. Phil gives more bad advice

Dr. Phil had an episode the other week about mistakes women make that keep them single. (Let's just gloss over the fact I just admitted to watching Dr. Phil, shall we?) Apparently some publisher decided that Bachelor #8 (you knew him as Huge Chin Guy) from The Bachelor acquired enough experience from "dating" 25 women at once to write a book that forever categorizes women into stereotypes by their mistakes: Working Girl, I've Been Hurt Girl, Too Old Girl, etc.

Huge Chin Guy and Dr. Phil then parade five women on stage and take turns pointing at each woman and telling her what she does wrong. Here's a gem from the transcripts:

“You met a guy. No job. No direction. No chance of getting a job. He broke your car. He offered to get it fixed. What happened?” Dr. Phil asks.

“Well, he stole it. He drove it to California with another girl, came back, slammed it into a wall and blamed me,” she explains.

“And you felt guilty?” Dr. Phil asks.

“Yeah. I don’t know why,” Jennifer says.
Meet Low Self-Esteem Girl.

The two men jolly up and seemingly solve each of the girl's problems with, shockingly, advice from Huge Chin Guy's book! You too can buy this book and find out what's wrong with you! Yea!

Only I think Dr. Phil and Huge Chin Guy were diagnosing for zebras instead of horses. You see, each of these girls were man-hunting by boozing it up every night of the week at local bars. The idea of meeting someone with a lasting relationship potential at a bar is almost unheard of. Cosmopolitan (once again, glossing over the fact I read the source) published some survey that 3% of married couples met each other a bar. What Dr. Phil should have said was, "For the love of God, put that White Russian down!"

Which segues into my next point: each girl on that stage was fat. And not fat-with-a-great-face or even fat-with-a-great-personality, but rather, fat-with-greasy-hair. Only one girl on stage was attractive and that was because she recently dropped 100 pounds after her divorce.

So to conclude--just because it's liquor doesn't mean it has less calories, shampoo is our friend, and Irish Car Bombs can still give you beer goggles even though it isn't actually beer. You're welcome.


>*;* said...

LOL M-Joy loves irish car bombs! LOL

Sarah said...

Uh oh!

With the exception of M-Joy's bar, obvs. I still swear that place is magical!

Paige Jennifer said...

I know that cursing like a sailor is a lady no-no but I fucking hate that dumbshit asswipe known as Dr. Phil. Let's all give a collective flip of the bird to Oprah for bringing him to the public.

Kale Rae said...

Whatever advice Dr. Phil can give, I could get off the back of an Archie comic...my favourite is "you're fat 'cause you eat too much"...okay, he might not have said those exact words - but basically he just points out obivous shit - maybe that's why he seems so well-loved - the "people" are always shocked when someone tells them "what, you're in debt?...well, why are you buying a prada purse?" Like I needed a balding man who says "do you think I fell off the turnip truck too much" to tell me why my life is fucked up.

La Femme said...

Oprah and Dr. Phil can suck it. Except for Oprah this morning 'cause she had Bette Midler on. And she's coming to Vegas, so I have to be supportive.

Peach said...

I'm missing something here but he sucks and so do they it seems!

Indiana said...

Yeah, but can you imagine how the audience would have reacted if they had said "The reason you are single is that you are fat and ugly"

...no one really wants to accept the whole truth, just a part of it.

Anonymous said...

Dr. Phil is so absolutely clueless!!

And YES I did meet my man in the bar, and YES we've done Irish car bombs together, and YES that stupid stat from Cosmo freaks the hell out of me!

M said...

so this chin guy - is he happily married himself or is he just handing out this advice from a male spinster point of view cause seriously, slutting it up over the television doesn't make him an expert on women everywhere - hell, on women ANYWHERE! Maybe if he was in a loving relationship himself that had lasted about 50 years then maybe I'd want to listen to his success story. This dude, needs to check his own backyard (and go to the free clinic too while he's at it).

I hate hearing/read crap that passes for "advice" or "psychology" from people whose basic mantra is "hey, I don't have my life together by any stretch of the imagination and I can't commit to anyone myself DUH - but hey the reason why YOU'RE such a dumbarse is..." pfeeee. Single men who can't get it together to commit to someone beyond a few months/weeks/dates (and indeed who need to go onto a reality TV show in order to get a date themselves) don't need to be telling anyone else how to live their lives. Seriously, like women really need some guy whose basic solution to his own dating problems is to fix everyone else around him rather than fix himself. Reality check!

I must admit I got a little addicted to Dr Phil over the school holidays. Damn him and his addictive pop psychology.

Sarah said...

Indy- I think the bar thing is more obvious. He didn't even touch on the fact that all these girls do is manhunt while drunk. And seriously, cutting down on the drinks, cuts down on the weight, so it's a win-win!

Mez- No, Huge Chin Guy is still single. Not even dating anyone in particular these days.

I got addicted to him too during my Christmas vacation. And then with this writer's strike, it's the only new material on TV!

Trin said...

Yeah, I'm flipping the bird with Paige. Phil looks like he could loose a little weight, too. I want so bad to read someday that his wife left him because he was too fat!

AmyD said...

Haha! Oh man, I really wish I would have seen this episode! Dr. Phil is a load of crap. I'll admit though, I thought huge chin guy was cute! Ha!

kristin b said...

sarah, your knowledge of chin guy is hilarious! but i definitely watched that bachelor!

and dr. phil is crazy.. but herego, i've never met a guy in a bar! good job m-joy!! :)

dont eat the token said...

I don't like D-Phil's voice. I have never watched a whole epi with him, not even 5 min prolly.

AmyD said...

Hey chica...I tagged you today (sorry)! :o)

dont eat the token said...

love the pic, i saw that on leno one night. LOL

Anonymous said...

Ugh..Dr. Phil. Yeah, you're fat too Phil, and as much as I'm sure you'd like to spout off advice about being yourself and whatever...you're wife is Botoxed within an inch of her life and speaks like a robot. I'm sure you like 'em like that though.


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