Dr. Phil gives more bad advice

Dr. Phil had an episode the other week about mistakes women make that keep them single. (Let's just gloss over the fact I just admitted to watching Dr. Phil, shall we?) Apparently some publisher decided that Bachelor #8 (you knew him as Huge Chin Guy) from The Bachelor acquired enough experience from "dating" 25 women at once to write a book that forever categorizes women into stereotypes by their mistakes: Working Girl, I've Been Hurt Girl, Too Old Girl, etc.

Huge Chin Guy and Dr. Phil then parade five women on stage and take turns pointing at each woman and telling her what she does wrong. Here's a gem from the transcripts:

“You met a guy. No job. No direction. No chance of getting a job. He broke your car. He offered to get it fixed. What happened?” Dr. Phil asks.

“Well, he stole it. He drove it to California with another girl, came back, slammed it into a wall and blamed me,” she explains.

“And you felt guilty?” Dr. Phil asks.

“Yeah. I don’t know why,” Jennifer says.

Meet Low Self-Esteem Girl.

The two men jolly up and seemingly solve each of the girl's problems with, shockingly, advice from Huge Chin Guy's book! You too can buy this book and find out what's wrong with you! Yea!

Only I think Dr. Phil and Huge Chin Guy were diagnosing for zebras instead of horses. You see, each of these girls were man-hunting by boozing it up every night of the week at local bars. The idea of meeting someone with a lasting relationship potential at a bar is almost unheard of. Cosmopolitan (once again, glossing over the fact I read the source) published some survey that 3% of married couples met each other a bar. What Dr. Phil should have said was, "For the love of God, put that White Russian down!"

Which segues into my next point: each girl on that stage was fat. And not fat-with-a-great-face or even fat-with-a-great-personality, but rather, fat-with-greasy-hair. Only one girl on stage was attractive and that was because she recently dropped 100 pounds after her divorce.

So to conclude--just because it's liquor doesn't mean it has less calories, shampoo is our friend, and Irish Car Bombs can still give you beer goggles even though it isn't actually beer. You're welcome.