~Tuesday, June 09, 2009


Scott is out of the mental institution. He's been out for close to a week now. I let most of his calls go to voicemail, but the night he got out, curiosity got the better of me.

When he called, Scott's voice was chipper. "How was your weekend?" he asked, nonchalantly.

"Uh, my weekend was fine. How was your weekend?" I responded dramatically.

"Oh, I guess you heard then," he muttered.

He was actually going to pretend that nothing had happened. He didn't know that I knew and he was trying to keep it that way. And once the initial lie fell out of his mouth, the floodgates opened.

He tried telling me that he was drugged date-rape style at the bar he went to in a Kroger parking lot in Racist Hickville where his mother lives. I see now exactly how ridiculous all those whoppers of stories I've repeated on this blog were. He expected me to believe the first time he went to a bar in Losertown he was drugged by a perfect stranger.

"The doctor at the rehab did a toxicology on me and confirmed I was drugged with a hallucinogenic!" he cried.

"First of all, it wasn't rehab. It was a state mental hospital. A loony bin. And a toxicology report doesn't confirm whether the drugs you ingested were voluntarily taken or not, just that they are in you system," I retorted.

Then he tried to convince me his "family" at his workplace (that fired him and have had no contact with him) drove the hour and a half out of the city just to hang out with him in Racist Hickville. But he doesn't have any of their phone numbers. "And they like to pretend they are vampires on the weekend and that's why I was talking about vampires when I was in the hospital," he finished.

"You were talking about vampires because you took an entire box of benedryl and washed it down at a bar." I corrected.

Scott got more desperate in his attempt for me to pity him, the victim in all of this. "You don't understand how bad of a trip it was. A neighbor found me passed out in the driveway covered in blood!"

"No! Your step-father found you sitting on the floor in the living room in front of the love seat by the back window, and you were cutting your arms vertically with parts of the watch I gave you for Christmas! I know everything. Stop lying!" I snapped.

I don't even know why Scott would lie about how he was found; I don't know what purpose it serves. His sister thinks Scott tells whatever version he thinks makes him sound the best. I'm inclined to agree. But in Scott's case, usually neither his version, nor the truth, makes him sound good.

The problem with Scott is that he lies with such arrogance and he'll never admit the truth, even when you're holding the beer-can-turned-pot-pipe in your hand and asking if he smoked up again. He'll shrug his shoulders and say it was old and tell you you're crazy for hearing lighter sounds in the bathroom. And it's with such confidence that I begin to wane. When was the last time I cleaned under the sink in the bathroom? Could I have missed it? Is it possible he's telling the truth? It is.

Only now Scott's doing a me a favor by continuing to pathologically lie. It's making me less attached to him and more disgusted and sickened by him. It makes me see that even though my living situation is at times spirit crushing, at least I'm in a healthy and safe environment. I don't feel crazy trying to figure out the truth anymore. I'm in my own specialized "back to basics" routine in which I go to work, eat dinner with my parents, share the TV and go to bed.

And it's nice.


gekkogirl said...

Crikey. Scott really has a lot of problems. And you are so much better off without them in your life Sarah.
Time to concentrate on you.

But you already know that, lots of love xxx

Lauri said...

You sound so much more sure of yourself in this post - I'm so glad that a little distance and some really unbelievable lies on his part are helping you see him for what he is...he definitely needs help, but you just can't do the helping in this situation without losing yourself - agree with gekkogirl - concentrate on you and the rest will fall into place...

Aritza, Goddess of .. said...

I'm glad things are looking up, keep your head high! Manipulative people like Scott are difficult to handle but the sooner you figure their game out, the better off you are..

J said...

As Lauri said, you sound stronger in this post. I am glad that you can see his lies for what they are.

I don't feel crazy trying to figure out the truth anymore.
This line resonates with me...

Take care of you!

dawn said...

You know what your last sentence "And it's nice" reminded me of?

When I was younger, the "good boys" were so BORING. All the girls wanted to be with the bad boys because they were FUN.

Well, after dating a number of them, I married a good boy. Why? Because it's nice.

You won't always be living with your parents, of course. It's your turn for a good boy. Trust me, it's nice. :)

Time Traveller said...

I don't feel crazy trying to figure out the truth anymore.

I know how that feels!!!

You shouldn't have to question yourself every single second of every single day!!

He's the crazy one!!! Not you!

When you find someone who doesn't make you feel like utter shit and explain yourself you'll see how toxic Scott is.

Stay strong.

kristinblakely said...

there is absolutely nothing in the world wrong with your living situation. good lord sometimes i need more than anything is supper at mom and dad's, my spot on the couch next to mom, and my bed upstairs in their house.

scott makes me sad. but if i'm being honest, what i thought the whole time i just read what you wrote was.. i'm TOTALLY buying her book when she writes it. and i think you should start now.

also i think you should read "straight up and dirty" by stephanie klein. and actually, if you look it up and want to read it i will mail it to you. just let me know!


Kaylen said...

I have to say:
I went through this exact situation!!! Without the mental institute and the pooping the pants.

I was living with and engaged to a sociopath like Scott (for that's what Scott is).

He lied about EVERYTHING - big and small. Did you get the mail? No. Oh...then why is my credit card bill wadded up in your pocket? Oh, that's from yesterday. I meant to give it to you. Oh...right.
Anyway, I left him after finding out all my bills were in collection (he was in control of the finances and said he had been paying them), after I quit my job to be a stay-at-home mom to my 12-yr old son, after I sold my beater car that kept breaking down, after I combined households with him (his stuff was way better), after I moved away from my friends, etc....
And he kept coming back to me, trying to prove he was getting help (he wasn't) and trying to prove I was the only girl he'd ever love (though I checked his voicemail and heard msgs from other girls about dates they had been on!).
His family knew he had a problem but supported him anyway. They left me out to dry.

This really happens!! To normal girls-for NO fault of their own.

Sociopaths are SMOOOOOOOOOTH and can suck you in and make you feel like the queen of the world, while at the same time making you feel like nothing.

Cut ties with Scott. It's the only way you can move on. You will not be able to help him and you will not be able to change him.

Lpeg said...

I am so glad you are sounding stronger, and more convinced not to go back to Scott.

He is one messed up person, and I can see how easily it could be to fall for someone who plays the pity card so well.

Glad you are doing better, Sarah! xo.

AmyB said...

So, so sad. I'm sure he really doesn't mean the things he does, but he has some serious mental issues that need to be addressed! I'm sort of surprised the hospital let him out?! :o(

So good to hear you are in your own routine and are getting your life back on track. While it's not the best to talk to Scott, if doing so helps you to move on more quickly, then that's a good thing.

Lisa Chelle said...

i am happy you feel safe. you deserve that.

scott will have to want to make those changes in his life.


© 2005 - 2013 He Loves Me Not
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution - Noncommercial - Share Alike 3.0 United States License.

template by suckmylolly.com