~Monday, July 20, 2009

Home to Me

Well I did it. I signed a lease this weekend on an apartment. It was the very first apartment I looked at weeks ago, and everything I viewed since then was just to comparison shop or to try to talk me out of it.

It's on the west side (the building states it's Upper West Side, but let's face it. This isn't New York). It's the largest apartment I've had in the city at over 800 square feet. It's also the nicest with a foyer, granite counter tops, stainless steel appliances, nice cabinetry, and spacious closets. The garden tub could easily fit two. Breakfast is also provided every Saturday morning for all the residents.

The building security is pretty tight. Not only is the parking garage gated and locked, but all the stairwells and elevators also require an access card. I guess it would be annoying for visitors to constantly have to be buzzed in, but with the crime of my last neighborhood (and the lack of visitors I'll likely have) this is a welcome change.

Before I looked for an apartment, I decided on a maximum rental payment that I would not go over. This rent is a dollar beneath my maximum. I tried to find an apartment that was cheaper, and I viewed some, but I didn't love them as much as I loved this one. And I justified it by telling myself after everything I've been through, I deserve an apartment that I love. I'm still not sure that this was the right decision. Although with this building I'm avoiding a gas bill and my good credit score was my deposit, so it's all relative I guess.

The only catch was to get the apartment I wanted for the price I wanted, I had to take the next available apartment instead of them holding it for me therefore losing profit. Instead of moving in a month, I move in two weeks. which in my head was a lot faster than I was prepared for.

After I left the leasing office, I drove straight to the furniture store and picked out a new bedroom set. My old hand-me-downs were in pretty bad shape so I sold them at a yard sale last month. I picked out a new bed, nightstand, and armoire with the intention of adding a dresser when I can afford it. I financed 40% of it for a year with no interest and I wrote a check for the rest.

I've never bought new furniture before. It felt weird to point at things lined up against a wall and have a middle-aged salesman running around to assist me. He measured things when I requested it and he worked it up with the dimensions of my new bedroom. I am not used to being catered to.

I'm also not used to spending that much money. With the rent and the new furniture, I hit the top of my financial security. I worry that I spent too much money. I haven't been in debt in for a while and I worry that the $1,200 I financed will break me. I'm worried that I'll run through my savings.

Even still, my new rent is still cheaper than the rent at the apartment I had with Scott (which I got stuck paying more often than not). And water and electricity for one will be less.

I guess I'm just scared. Of living by myself again. Of becoming lonely. I'm moving out to avoid living with the stress and repercussions of my mother's impending divorce and I'm afraid it won't make me happy. I ran around this weekend and made all of these decisions like it was my god-given right, and now I'm terrified of the consequences.

What if they weren't the right decisions?


AmyB said...

They were definitely the right decisions. You can't live your life as an adult - one who has worked hard for what you now have - if you don't take a few chances along the way. Once you are settled in, you will see that this was not only the right thing to do, it was also the thing that will bring you peace and happiness. CONGRATS and good luck moving!

Anonymous said...

You need to look at this differently. You've been through a lot and you've worked hard to get back on your feet. You deserve this. Bottom line.

Van-Nasty said...

and sometimes you don't know what you can handle until you put it on your plate and just have to deal - living alone is a good step and you'll make it work for you.

me said...

you've got the right idea. one foot in front of the other, my friend.

you can't hesitate and second guess every single step - or you'll never move forward.

congratulations and happy nesting!

Mel said...

you absolutely made the right decisions. and besides, how can you get lonely when I'm just a quick drive up the highway? :o)

Anonymous said...

It all sounds fantastic! I definitely am envious of the granite and stainless steel, so what if the milk crate dinette set doesn't fit with the decor. It's yours to live and laugh and love in.

Enjoy this "re-newed" found independence. You deserve all of what you have accomplished and this sounds like a great step!

Better post pics so I can be envious from afar!

gekkogirl said...

definitely! so very happy for you - enjoy the nesting x

Prettylyf said...

Congratulations on your new home!!! You definitely deserve it after all you've been through so don't beat yourself up for it. They were all right decisions.

All the best in everything, Sarah!!!

MamaBear said...

What if it was? What if it wasn't? You make a firm decision with a clear head and you see it through. If there are any flaws in your process, you'll be sure to find them and deal with them. Not earth-shattering. Just life. Ya know, the old saw, "live and learn".

Also, I think you're doing fine. :-D

Breeza said...

Congrats on your new home! And I think you made the right decisions!

Blue soup said...

Congrats on the new pad Sarah. You made rational, measured decisions so don't go second guessing yourself now.

I'm about to move into my new place - first time on my own! - so I know how it feels to be apprehensive about being on your own. Moving is a scary prospect because it naturally results in change - and most people are averse to change.

Take it one step at a time and you will find that those initial feelings of liking your new apartment will just grow and grow.

Lpeg said...

I am so happy for you, and this was the right decision. Truly. From everything you have told us about yourself, this is a really good step for you.

This is for you, and you are doing something that will make you feel self sufficient and independent!

I'm really happy for you. And maybe, when you move in, you can post us a photo of your bedroom? I'd love to see what you picked out!!

Erin said...

This was absolutely the right decision. I'm sure you will find peace in this new place. You deserve to live in a place you love and feel comfortable in.

RedCurlGirl said...

I was horrified at the thought of living by myself again...but once I got into it...it's honestly been great for my sanity. don't worry, everything will be fine :)

TexInTheCity said...

Whoo to the hoo! I am thrilled for you!


Anonymous said...

I'm with AmyB - you def made the right decision. The situation with your mom sounds very stressful. It will be good to have a break from the stress. Congrats on the new digs!

Colleen said...

Rest assured in your decisions - you're stronger than you give yourself credit for, I suspect!

nuttycow said...

Have just read this post and it sounds like you and I are worrying about all the same things. It is a scary prospect, isn't it.

It'll be fine though. It'll take us a bit of time but it'll be fun!


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