~Monday, January 11, 2010

Revolution/Resolution

I had a positive breakthrough in therapy last week. I spend a lot of time talking to my therapist about my relationships with other people: my coworkers, my father, my friends and my boyfriend. And if I ever air a grievance about any of them, it essentially boils down to this: he/she is not responding in the exact same way I would respond.

I have a really difficult time with placing my values on other people. I assume people are being 100% honest with me because I don't lie. I think people should revere me in the exact same manner I hold them in esteem. They should feel more because I'm sensitive. They should care because I care.

This leads to a lot of disappointment. My therapist gave me several suggestions, including don't do that and lowering my expectations. She says it may be a maturity thing, but she tries to value people for what they have to offer. And just stop and leave it at that.

So that's my New Year's resolution: to value people for who they are.

I'm going to think of my father as a good human being who loved me as much as he is capable of loving me. He can't do any more than that, and I shouldn't resent him for not giving more of himself.

I'm going to love my friends because they are kind and funny and I have a good time 100% of the time I am with them. I am not going to long for more time together or more confiding in each other.

I am going to give Christopher a break. He's a boy and just not wired the same. His brain does not function on the same chemical level mine does. It's really as simple as that. And he seems to like me more when I just let go and am not so anxious.

I think it's a good positive step to take in life.

18 comments:

J said...

To value people for who they are.

This is brillant! This is a very positive step and I think we could all do with taking this to heart.

Anonymous said...

totally! I have been going through the same thing, trying to accept what others can give me... good going girl!

-dont

Aritza, Goddess of .. said...

Wow, that's great news :) I think it's a very wise way to think and feel .. hopefully I'll get there someday as well !

TexInTheCity said...

What you are doing will change your life!

My life became 86.24% less stressful when I just started accepting people for who they are.

Party like the rock star that you are,
Tex

breezyallatsea said...

I love this. What a great approach to the year and to life. I'm just like you so I'm going to try this too :)

Peach said...

I think that's brilliant too, and like yr therapist says, is a question of maturity - god knows I do the same thing as you and have to conclude I am just immature!

you're doing so fab girl xx

Bathwater said...

I think that is true. You have to value people that way and in the weigh the good against the bad.

We all have bad believe it or not and everyone else is doing that when they meet us too.

I can be a pain in the ass sometimes but I am the loyalist of friends when you need me I am there.

trinity2 said...

Yep, I've been working on those same things, too. It's been a whole lot easier since I started lowering my expectations.

Julie said...

good for you! I think we could all use a bit of that in our lives! I know I'm way too harsh on others, including myself sometimes!

Lpeg said...

So true. I am like that, as well, and get easily disappointed in people when they don't act as I think they should. Think I'll take a stab at this, too!

SuvvyGirl said...

It's a hard thing to do, but a good one. Once we step outside of our own boxed in minds we can definately be enlightened. I started seeing my counselor again too. Tis the season I guess.

Miss Devylish said...

I used to have the same problem.. but because I knew what I would do if the situation was reversed. Someone once told me I didn't have a right to expect anything from anyone.. and they were right. And I was less disappointed immediately. Cheers!

The Goddess said...

i've been going through the same thing!!! craziness. i am always so shocked when people that i trust or associate myself with lie to me or hurt me because i would never intentionally do that to them. And i just came to the same realization that you did, that i need to just let them be them and stop projecting my values and morals onto them. they can only do what they can do, and that will not always be what i want.

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n'o-dog said...

absolutely! i have had the same epiphany. i find it hard to remember these truths during emotional times, but they're right on.

honkandholler time said...

I hear you, sister. I've just started therapy myself after I too found out "he loves me not". Broke my heart. Now I send him an imaginery email every day and exorcise my feelings and I feel so much better.

Young or old, (I'm 63), it's hard losing someone. But you are on the right road! Keep on keeping on, girl.

Ashlie said...

amazing. i am the exact same way. maybe i can attempt to do the same.

Karen said...

Hello.

I've seen you around Ariel's, commenting.

And I would just like to thank you for this "... value people for who they are" or for what they have to offer as it has some relevance to where I'm at now.

 

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