A couple of weeks ago, I wrote an e-mail to a girl I considered a close friend and told her that my feelings were hurt due to a series of events. As I hit "send" I thought about what a grown up I was being by acknowledging my feelings and letting the other person know how I was feeling.
Er, only it didn't go over very well. Whereas previously she was fine and happy and my feelings were hurt, my e-mail caused her to become angry with me and my feelings even more hurt. She said some really hurtful things to me, and I can't get past these statements. I feel like our relationship is irreparably damaged because, frankly, I'm now a little afraid of her temper.
The lesson I took away from this is to never discuss your feelings with someone who doesn't discuss her own feelings. If you have a friend who doesn't ever talk about her own feelings, she sure as hell isn't going to acknowledge yours.
I, on the other hand, am on the opposite end of the spectrum and am probably too in touch with my feelings, hence them getting hurt in the first place. I remember being called sensitive since I was 3 or 4 right up to that incident a couple of weeks ago. I am too sensitive. I feel too much. I care too much. I love too much.
I also feel like I caused a lot of drama by disclosing how I felt. If I had never said anything, then she wouldn't have gotten angry and she wouldn't have said those things to me. The end result was the same—I was hurt—so what was the point?
You know who isn't sensitive? Harvey. She rarely causes drama. People want to be around her. When anyone in the group tries to make plans, everyone hangs back until Harvey declares if she's going or not. People are drawn to her. And they certainly don't call her up and say horrible things to her.
So how can I be less like me and more like Harvey?
I made a mental list of Harvey's characteristics. Harvey is beautiful, but her looks isn't what makes her beautiful. It's her confidence. So I should probably work on that.
When the series of events happened a couple of weeks ago, Harvey was affected too. And she told me she was annoyed with the happenings. The difference? I made my feelings outward and she did not. Harvey publicly acts that she's going to be having a good time no matter where she is, no matter the circumstances. I really admire that about her. So, I should focus on having a good time no matter what I do (read: relax). Although it's tough pretending like my opinions and feelings don't count. I asked Harvey about this, and she admitted that she works on this too, but she's been doing this for years has this act down to 80/20. Eighty percent of the time she's truly happy and 20% she's faking it. She said, however, that it wasn't always this ratio.
Another reason people enjoy being around Harvey is that she is always on your side. To your face. I notice this behavior more with people she's acquaintances with. If you are a Red Sox fan, she'll be all "Woo! Red Sox!" Or on the phone she'll respond, "Of course, you're totally right. That person is a douchebag" and she'll look at the group in front of her, smile mischievously, and shake her head no. Now, if you are a close friend, she'll put you in your place. It is disingenuous, but it works for her. I tried to behave like this for Christopher's birthday, but we saw how that turned out.
And when I told Harvey I wish I could be more like her and relax and have a good time no matter where I'm at? She told me she wish she could tell people her feelings were hurt. I honestly don't know who that speaks more highly of, but it makes me smile.
Make people smile, I should probably add that to the list.