~Monday, November 15, 2010

The Hungarian

The Hungarian, perhaps the most traveled and well cultured person I know, chose a Mexican restaurant for our second date. I scrunched up my nose, grateful he couldn't see my face in the darkness of his car. Mexican food is pretty bottom of the barrel in my opinion. It's always some corn product stuffed with shredded meat and topped with tomato or cheese sauce. I have never had a Mexican meal and declared afterward "Ooh that was good!" Mexican is filling, not good. And this man who has probably tasted every cuisine in its natural habitat chose Mexican. Blech.


The morning after our first date, I arrived to work a half hour early because I couldn't sleep. I was that disappointed with myself for making out with the hot, bad boy. And when I regaled my coworkers with the story of our date, they scrunched their noses exactly like I had done when I heard I was eating Mexican.

"Could it have been nerves?" my boss asked.

I paused and gave her question some thought. "I mean, it's possible. He was very self deprecating of himself after he saw how bristled I became."

"Could he have been creating a bit when he was teasing you?"

"If it was a bit, it failed miserably."

The Hungarian had texted me the same morning. He was confirming our date for Saturday. He tried to tease me again and I texted back that I would not go out with him if it was going to be at my expense.

Then he gave me a proper invite and I accepted. Then morning of our date, he texted me his address. And when I didn't respond, he called a couple of hours later to confirm yet again.


Back in the car, The Hungarian flipped through his mp3's. "There might be a wait tonight. It's a popular restaurant."

I asked him if we were going to the only Mexican restaurant I could stand. That's because it's really Americanized Tex Mex and not true Mexican food. He said it was the restaurant I was thinking of. I cheered and clapped.

"Ah, she is happy," he said.

At the dinner table I reached in my Kate Spade evening bag and pulled out a pink post-it note. "I called my father," I began.

"Oh no. I am not going to say a word. You got so angry last time that I am just going to sit here."

I pushed the post-it across the table towards him. I don't know German and I didn't want to mispronounce anything in front of him. "Here is the town in Austria my father says my family is from."

He inspected the paper and pulled out his iPhone. He typed in the town name. "Heh," he said. "It really is on the Austrian/Hungarian border." He flipped his phone towards me so I could see. "Here is Budapest. Here is the city the where I am from. And here is your town. It's about two hours from where I grew up."

This is the moment where I should have smiled demurely. "Eat your words, [Hungarian]!" I smirked.

He picked up the post-it from the table and brought it to his nose. He inhaled and fluttered his eyes, as if it were scented. Then he tucked it inside his wallet.

After dinner, he asked if I wanted to go back to his house and have a mug of tea and watch a movie.

"Never go to the second location," I automatically responded.

"I do not know what that means?"

"Oh, just on Oprah, when you're abducted it's safer to escape at the point of abduction. It's when they get you to the second location, that's where you're in danger of being killed."


But I went to the second location. His house was immaculate. I doubt there was a misplaced crumb. "Shoes off," he instructed.

"What?" I asked.

"No shoes in the house."

All of a sudden I felt like Carrie Bradshaw. I stuck out my lower lip. "Have you seen my outfit?" I asked defiantly. "It does not work without my boots." I was wearing this skimpy, little dress with my new knee highs. It was the boots that were keeping me from revealing too much. And they were keeping me warm. Without my boots, I was just a girl in a skimpy, little dress.

"Boots off!" he repeated. He lit a fire in the fireplace and put in a movie. I always said that Come over and watch a movie was international code for sex. This theory had just been confirmed. It wasn't long before we were making out again.

The Hungarian is handsy. I kept brushing away his advances.

"Your knees are so tight they could crush bones," he remarked.

"Yes, your bone."

"I think I am too agile for you," he said.


"Handsy," he said, using my word. I laughed.

"I just need an emotional connection before I can do anything physically," I explained.

"It's like the chicken and the egg," he said. "Who's to say which one comes first? I think the emotional and physical come together."

"But the chicken and the egg—there is no right answer," I remarked.

"No, it means I am right," he chuckled. "If I was just in this for notches in my belt, I would have asked you to leave. But I didn't. I am older now. I'm attracted to you physically and emotionally. Unfortunately for you, all of my attention is on you," he grinned.

The Hungarian never did get past second base that night. I was tucked in my own bed by midnight. As I was leaving, he told me he was heading to Montreal for business, but that he would be back by Thursday and wanted to see me then. I like that he asks for the next date as the current one is ending, but I'm still wary of him. He didn't say anything adverse to me that night and appeared reformed with teasing me. But I can't gauge yet how calculating he is.


Breeza said...

Hmm, I like Mexican as long as it's authentic. Second date sounds good. Give it another couple dates I'd say.

V said...

Umm... He's calculating. That's pretty much guaranteed. You don't start with "the game" and then suddenly stop because you get caught.


I imagine he was feeling a bit frustrated that things didn't go further on the second date, but hid it well.

jo said...

it may only be the second date but i don't really like him. he really played the game right off the bat and seemed taken aback when you turned the tables on him and didn't let him get any further in your pants on the second date. you're probably now a challenge for him to get. i don't trust him.

Syd said...

1. I LOVE Mexican, and London fails miserably at this. But the best I've ever had has been in NY and California. Don't rule it out, yet.

2. Guy sounds a little sketch. I have found, however, that non-American guys tend to be a little more direct and forward, which can be refreshing from the distant-weird-games that some (not all, of course, but definitely some) american guys can play. I don't know why there is this cultural difference, but I have noticed it. I don't know if he was playing a game so much in the beginning as he was just thinking he was pretty funny.

Anonymous said...

Hate to break it to you, but the guy is a pickup artist. I can even tell you his training. That meet for tea thing and get her to pay is a David Deangelo trick. The cocky stuff is his too. The venue change and compliance tests--"take your shoes off"--are textbook PUA stuff.

Meeting for drinks or an cheap restaurant near his place is what they all do for logistics, that way he doesn't spend a lot of money on dates and you don't have an excuse not to go back to his place since it's so close by.

If you fool around, use a condom. You don't watch to catch the herp, the gift that keeps on giving.

Me said...

The only reason I am going "GAAAHHH" is that I am projecting what I used to do on you.

And having been where you are right now many times in my online dating adventures, I would find myself getting pissed at myself later and only had myself to blame.

That set aside and NOT projecting myself on you:

Have fun with dating. Not every guy you meet is Mr. Right. Mr. Right Now works when you want to have some fun.

He sounds a bit like an ass, but you already said that and the sparring must be fun. ;)

Anonymous said...

I like Mexican food, but even the best restaurants are cheap compared to other types of food. I don't think this guy is trying to impress you at all.

Regardless of his nationality, he seems to be playing the game and although you are sparring a little bit, he is ultimtaely getting you to do what he wants. Would you normally let a guy feel you up after knowing him for approximately 4 hours or less? He seems to be fairly aggressive. Be careful.

Lpeg said...

Hmm, interesting. I dont' know what to make of this guy, and whoever commented about non-american guys has a good thought. I've met quite a few European men, and yes, they are quite different in the way they approach women. Some are just after another woman, even though they had one at home, and others were just... I don't know. But yes, they definitely have a different approach.

My thought? Be careful, but go out with him again and have fun. I think we learn something from every person we date, and however this all ends, you might learn something fun. Just be careful, but from the way you're behaving around him, I'd say you're doing pretty well already.

Love the fact that you're calling his bs!

Me said...

No dissing the Europeans! :) KIDDING.

I am European and the American dating was really shitty for me and now I am...well..with another European :) Both expats living in America. :)

And he was the utmost respectful and wonderful and has been from day 1 in our relationship. I have also encountered many many many American men who believed firmly in the "three date" rule...hilarity. Or even better, the "A mediocre date is over but let me ram my tongue down your throat" rule....
They would be all "I didn't realize Germans are prude" and I would usually respond with "Germans are the biggest dream you will never get to realize in the bedroom, but why would I want to be intimate with you when we just spend a total of 4 hours together."

I spend more time picking a nice pair of shoes sometimes. Sure enough I am not going to have someone fuck me in less time ;)

Off the topic, I know. But while European men, some, can be more frank, American men are just the same.

Me said...

And this dude is just calculating. No matter where he's from. He's a good looking, well traveled due, who is clearly a bit of a hot asshole/bad boy and who plays that card.

And you know it as you have stated from date 1 and you are willing (or maybe not;) to play that game.

And you also give us a snapshot of what is happening in your dating life. :) So I am pretty sure you have this under control.

Syd said...

Ha, sorry! I didn't mean to stereotype so much, and let me say, it was just in my own dating experience.

But you know, I could have just been dating dirtbags the entire time!

J said...

I think you have a good handle on this situation...you seem to know what sorts of games he is playing. That said, I don't have a good feeling about this one. There is something in the tone of your writing that makes he sound like a slime. I guess we will just have to wait and see...

Bathwater said...

I don't like me, just putting my two cents in, only by the way you describe him--I don't like him.

franzi said...

no dissing the europeans!

and regarding the shoes - i make people take off their shoes too before they enter my place. for some folks this is a very normal house rule and has nothing to do with compliance.

my jury is still out on the guy. it seems like you are getting along so let's see where the third date takes you. no third base though, girl! and nothing without protection!!!

Jaclyn said...

I've dated a lot of thoughtful, considerate European men. My German ex and I once went out to dinner with another couple on a fix up. There was another German friend of my ex at dinner, and the two German men almost had heart attacks when the American guy asked the girl he was being fixed up with to pay for her own meal.

This guy's behavior doesn't sound very European - it sounds controlling, selfish and manipulative. You have a history of dating men who aren't very kind, and therefore you should run from men who are putting up red flags. It's fine for you to make out with this guy on the first date as long as you enjoyed it, but I would not continue to date a guy giving off this many red flags.

Anonymous said...

I'm stuck on repeat for this one...trust yourself.

Seine said...

haha, way to show us how it's done ... getting the makeout session but not giving more than you're comfortable with. i have much to learn.

this hungarian though ... he is, experienced and very calculating. i'm intrigued.

Anonymous said...

Ummm, I'd like to take a moment to discuss how much I loved your description of the Oprah conversation.


Sarah said...

LOL. He did not think that was funny.

cornflakegirl74 said...

I understand a bit about the European mentality since I was raised by a German mother and have many relatives scattered throughout. European men can be a bit more aggressive, but if at any time you are uncomfortable, you just have to remove yourself from the situation. Doesn't sound to me that you're too uncomf or you would have been out of there a long time ago. If you're having fun and would like this to continue, then go for it! But if you think his behavior is a bit too off-putting then maybe it would be best to cut it off before it goes any further. Whatever you do, I enjoy coming along for the ride and reading (vicariously) about another single woman who is flirting with the dating world :)


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