~Tuesday, December 14, 2010

The "Nice" Guy

When I first wrote about Memphis (Date #6), several people remarked that maybe it wasn't the age difference that bothered me about Memphis. Maybe it was something else. I thought it was the fact that he was so optimistic and eager that he couldn't be able to relate to me at all.

So I spent time with him. I took him to meet my friends. We met for pizza. We met for sushi. And as much as I tried trying on the younger and earnest date, I could not stop myself from getting annoyed by him.

The first time was when we were going out for pizza. It was a rainy, cold Monday night. The weather was such that I contemplated canceling just so stay warm and cozy in my apartment. I decided what I needed to jump start my night was a hot shower.

Memphis sent me a text saying he would be at my apartment in a half hour. I had only just walked in the door. I sent back could he please give me just 10 more minutes.

What if I said no? he wrote back.

The shower was running and I was trying to strip off my work clothes. Instead of hurrying up and getting ready, I was now stuck texting.

Then you'll be waiting. I typed back decisively. I was not leaving this apartment without a shower.

Or the train might leave the station.

I groaned and hopped in the shower without responding. If he wanted to play chicken, we could play chicken.

***

While we were out that night, he asked if I was free that weekend. I ran though my mental calendar. Friday was my heavy metal date with Valdosta, Sunday was my company Christmas party at the metropolitan museum of art. I had the option of bringing a date to the Christmas party, but in the spirit of friendship, I decided to take Katie as my date. She had just bought a red cocktail dress and was antsy for an occasion to wear it. I thought cocktails at the art museum was a perfect occasion.

"I'm booked all weekend, but I think I am free Saturday," I offered.

"Saturday? Saturday is prime dating real estate. I'm not sure if you're a big enough deal for a Saturday," he joked.

Even though he was joking, I was taken aback. "Hmm, good point. I'm not sure you're worth a Saturday night date either."

He started kissing me. He leaned in romantically and whispered in my ear, "You're replaceable."

It made me laugh. I accepted the Saturday night date. Only when I got home and logged on Facebook, I got a reminder that Harvey's big, annual Thanksgiving party was that Saturday night. It's one of the best parties of the year where all the friends get together and bring Thanksgiving dishes and celebrate our friendship. This party is a big deal to me. (On a side note, that was the morning my grandmother died and I still went to the Thanksgiving party and company Christmas party before heading back up the East Coast. That's how much I was looking forward to it.)

Knowing he was already asleep, I still typed out a text when I knew I had double-booked myself. The next morning I received this response:

No worries. I'll have to line something else up for Saturday night. Maybe if I'm free we can do something next week.

Er, that seemed awfully passive aggressive to me. I'm the busy one, not him. I knew he was trying to turn the tables on me.

***

When I got back in town after the funeral, Memphis asked me out for later in the week. I accepted.

"Okay on two conditions," he added.

I'm sorry, but did he just ask me out, and then apply conditions after I said I would go out with him?

Nothing is easy with him. Everything has to be turned into a bit. Would any of this annoy you, or am I really just not that into him?

32 comments:

Anonymous said...

Annoying. Immature. Egotistic.

I'd drop him. Just reading about him has me annoyed.

Sarah said...

Seriously. I just re-read this post, followed by the bits of him in the Comparisons post, and I'm trying not to gag. So annoyed.

La Femme said...

It's like babysitting. He's not worth your time.

Wild Oats (Amanda) said...

He's being immature - and I'm not entirely sure it has to do with his age...

Kim said...

"You're replaceable."?? Dump him already!!!! What a jerkface.

Seine said...

very annoying. it's a bad sign when you have to roll your eyes at everything he says. seems like he's taking advice from that d-baggy dating book where everything is a game and men are advised to always keep women on their toes b/c that keeps them interested.

i say he's not worth it. next!

Simmarah said...

NEXT.

breezyallatsea said...

Annoying is right. Next!

Curvy Jones said...

That isn't a nice guy.

J said...

Very annoying! Moving on...

Lpeg said...

Agreed. Absolutely.

If you had nothing better to do... nah, I'd still say dump him!

Syd said...

He's insecure. He's trying not to put himself out there, so if/when you drop him, he can pretend he wasn't that into you.

I'm on team valdosta, I've decided.

Sarah said...

Interesting. I had a feeling it had something to do with insecurity.

Denise said...

Count me in for team Valdosta too! Buh-bye Memphis....

Emma Brooks said...

+1 Team Valdosta!

This guy is probably around my age, and trust me, his behaviours have nothing to do with his age and everything to do with ever-present immaturity and insecurity.

emilyinnyc said...

So annoying! Definitley immature and insecure. On to the next one!

Devvers said...

Yep far too immature...showing his age - he's 18 right?!

NEXT!

however happy said...

His jokes are NOT funny. Next!!

Hope said...

"You're replaceable"?

Who says that? No, just no.

soupemes said...

He's ridiculous. Even witty people don't make a joke out of everything.

I agree with Syd: "He's trying not to put himself out there, so if/when you drop him, he can pretend he wasn't that into you."

Interesting really as it is exactly those self-preserving behaviours that are his downfall.

thinkerseekerdoer said...

In asking the question, you answered it yourself.

Laughing is on thing, happiness is another.

Dream in Grey said...

I don't like him, he's not in Primary school (grade school, is that what you go to before High School there?)

freckledk said...

I'm pulling for Valdosta, but I would give Memphis one more date, if only so I can read another blog post about him.

C'mon! It's the holidays!

Anonymous said...

It feels a bit redundant to comment since I agree with everyone else, but drop Memphis and hang on to Valdosta. You and Memphis are just at different places in your life and he's trying too hard to play it cool. Valdosta, now it's early, but so far he screams keeper.

TC said...

I just think he's really insecure.

Valdosta sounds promising, but I don't think I'd rule out Memphis yet. Give him a fair shake.

And to do that, maybe you need to call him on his behavior. Let him know his little "games" aren't cute or funny, and that you're interested in an ADULT relationship.

Anonymous said...

Uch. I've met garden plants with more maturity (and personality!) than him.

Another one here for Team Valdosta!

Bathwater said...

It all sounds like to much work I'd be annoyed. On to better things!

bonda84 said...

Sheesh! I don't get online for a couple of days and you've got all sorts of stuff to write about. This latest guy, Val, sounds pretty good to me. Hope it continues in that direction ;)

As for Memphis, I think he's worn out his welcome.

D said...

It's an annoying way to be playful. I think you're better off with someone more straight forward. No game playing!

Anonymous said...

I think you're annoyed. It can be the person + the humor. I like Valdosta (sp?).

-dont

B. Good said...

*eyeroll* Annoying seems to be the consensus. He's the "when I have nothing better to do" date, but only if he makes it worth your while. And even then, I'm sure you can find something better to do than be annoyed by him. Blah.

I say call him on his shit.

Elle said...

I think he's definitely insecure. And if you have to convince yourself to date someone, then that's not good. I wouldn't want a guy to have to convince himself to date me so I don't do that either. I go with my gut. And I think your gut is telling you he's not the one for you.

I do think though that he is super insecure and that he isn't trying to be immature and a jerk. I think he's actually just trying wayyyy to hard due to his insecurities, but that doesn't mean you should date him. Not at all.

 

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