Date #10 asked to meet me at the same Starbucks as Date #9 did. Considering the memories of Date #9 still gave me the heebie-jeebies, I was nonplussed regarding the location. Besides, that particular Starbucks leaves a funny smell in your clothes that you don't notice until you get home.
I thought Date #10 showed promise. He was an architect in his mid-thirties who lived on the same street as me. He remarked that the borough I live in is beautiful and he'd like to own a home there. The downside is that he remarked about a lot of things: his e-mails seemed like epic novels as he detailed his pastimes and even his texts were so long that they arrived in my inbox as three separate messages. But don't women complain that men never communicate? This could be a good thing.
He arrived a few minutes late and I was struck by the enormity of him. Online dating code stipulates to subtract two inches from a man's height, but Date #10 was all of his 6' 1" and 240 lbs. In the one good picture of him online, he had short brown hair covered by a golf visor. This was not the case anymore. His hair was now gray. Unruly, old man gray with a matching gray beard, grown presumably to hide the weight. He didn't look 36, he looked 46.
He was nice enough. Inoffensive. Didn't make fun of the handicapped like the last guy did.
"How has eHarmony been for you?" he asked.
"Well, I'm here. That's the short answer," I said. We traded bad dating stories and he apologized profusely for taking me to the same Starbucks.
He seemed lonely. I asked if he had ever been married and he said he hadn't. I asked how close he got. He told me about a relationship he was in a few years back. They had been together a couple of years and he was prepared to marry her. She, on the other hand, broke things off saying the fit wasn't right. He was comfortable, he said. I wondered if that was the problem.
"We're still friends. Actually I'm seeing her Wednesday night. She said I was the best person she's ever dated, but I don't why she would say that when she..." he trailed off.
"What are you looking for?" I asked.
"In a relationship? I'm looking for what I had with her. It was easy; I was comfortable," he repeated.
I felt bad for him. Obviously he still had feelings for her. I wondered if the girl he was hugging in his profile picture was her. The one of him when he was younger with brown hair, happy.
"What about you? What are you looking for?" he asked.
I sighed. I'm looking to feel the same way that I felt with Valdosta.
All of a sudden I understood him.
2:37 PM
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10 comments:
Well, at least he wasn't a weirdo.
Wow. Yeah. Now I get his answer, too.
I'm sorry hun - hang in there. xx.
I don't know if that feeling ever goes away, actually.
I used to feel like about the "new guy" after each "old guy" breakup. Every person has their strengths -- I think it boils down to that.
I thought that when I got married, that would stop. It didn't. Not for me. I love my husband to death, don't get me wrong, but there are things that he does (or doesn't do) that SOMETIMES make me think of some long-lost somebody who didn't (or did) do things a "better" way.
And then the thought goes away. Like it will for you.
Poor guy.
I hate to say this, because it sounds awful . . . but he's a perfect example of "it could be worse." You could still be hung up on someone from years ago.
Be proud of yourself for opening up like you did with Valdosta. For allowing yourself to be happy. And know you can/will find it again.
Hugs. I know this feeling alllll too well. It's so hard. But another one will come along. They always do! Have faith =)
I know that feeling all too well.
Please don't ever settle for less or you will regret it.
There is a lot of growth to be had in your relationship with Valdosta. Please take all you have learned and apply it in your future relationships.
I'm proud of you for still trying and getting out there. You'll get that feeling again. I believe that for you so I can one day believe it for myself- that we'll find those feelings again and we'll have no doubts when we're there.
You are a great writer Sarah, a great writer.
He seems like a really nice guy. Since I started back on match, I realized I'd much rather go out with someone I might not be physically attracted to but who is a good conversationalist than a pretty boy who is self-obsessed (not to make sweeping generalizations, but... oh wait, I just did). Anyway, I'm glad you gave him a shot; I hope he gives himself enough time to heal. Seems he's def still stuck on the ex.
siiiiiiigh :(
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