~Wednesday, January 05, 2011

A Side of Tongue

So, um, I'm still dating Memphis.

I saw him the Tuesday before Christmas, the day after I went ice skating with Valdosta. I barely returned his texts and the poor thing wasn't even sure I was going to show up at his place at all.

He cooked me dinner, which was hot. Apparently I like sitting on a bar stool and watching the man do all of the work. It was good food too, and that may explain his weight. I don't know if I'm just used to looking at Valdosta or if it was his clothes, but Memphis looked easily 15 pounds heavier from the last time I had seen him. He had gone from chubby to the kind of fat where he suffered from slap-face disease—he perpetually looks like he's just been slapped in the face.

He offered to open a bottle of wine, but I declined. Then he opened his fridge to grab some ingredients for his salad dressing.

"Ooh! I'll take a Yuengling," I said, spying the carton on the shelf.

He looked back at me, "You said you didn't want anything to drink."

"That was before I knew you had Yuengling," I beamed.

He grabbed the bottle from the fridge and popped the top. Then he took a swig out of it to enjoy it in front of me. I didn't say anything. I was tired from work and didn't feel like playing games. When he saw his game wasn't working, he grabbed another beer from the fridge and handed it to me. But anytime I made a joke or teased, he'd point to the door and tell me to leave. It was funny the first time, but by the fifth time, I was considering it.

Dinner was good. The boy can cook.

Afterwards we move to his couch. He leaned in and began kissing me. Normally I am able to be present in the moment and with the person, but I felt like I was being disloyal to Valdosta.

Memphis uses a lot of tongue. I'm a fan of the tongue if it's done right, but Memphis uses it with every kiss. My mouth began to fill with saliva. He used so much tongue that my body thought I was eating again.

I pushed him off of me, "I'm full."



He paused for a moment. "I was hoping we would go further tonight," he said.

He had already rounded second base; how much further did he think it was going to go? My entire relationship with Memphis has been dinner. That's it. We go to dinner, or like tonight he made me dinner, and then he'd drop me back at home. We don't hang out. We don't communicate between dinners, which is largely my fault. It's like we're in our 50's and he's my companion. So was he thinking dinner and sex? Dinner and a hummer? I don't know!

"Not tonight," I responded quickly.

Memphis shifted uneasily. "You don't know how hard it is to put yourself out there like that and then be rejected."


"I didn't reject you, Memphis. I said 'Not tonight.'"

He couldn't distinguish the difference. To be honest, I'm not sure there was much of one.

Memphis tried. He told me that he liked me and wanted to spend more time with me. He wanted to talk to me in between our dinners.

"It's just... you always give me such a hard time," I answered. He looked at me expectantly. Finally, I was honest. "I called you when my grandmother died. You didn't answer and that was fine. But when I did hear from you again, you were all 'Why did you call? Why did you call?' I told you, but you wouldn't let it go and the way you asked was like you thought it was a booty call and maybe if you kept asking my answer would change. I was like, She's still dead"—Memphis put his head in his hand and groaned out of embarrassment when I said this—"You made me feel really uncomfortable and made me wish I had never called you about it."

He responded apologetically. He told me he couldn't believe that a pretty girl would call him and he couldn't figure out why. And when he found out it was about my grandmother, he said he was honored that I would call him. He never actually admitted the thing about the booty call, but I know I was right. He said in the future for me to call him out on it.

"But what do I say? 'You're making me feel uncomfortable?'" I genuinely asked.

"Just say, 'You realize that you are sounding like this'. But you have to say it nicely or else I'm going to get angry and defensive."

I immediately knew I'd never be able to sugarcoat it the way he wanted me to. What I don't understand is that he dishes it out so aggressively, but he can't take it. At all. He wants me to be all sensitive around him while he points to the door and orders me to leave. It's an annoying an unfair double standard that I'll never be able to abide by.

I took the ending of the conversation as a cue for me to leave. He asked me to stay longer, but it was after 10 p.m. and I had to work the next morning. I felt better about things after our little talk and I left his apartment feeling optimistic, but then Valdosta showed up on Christmas day.

And Memphis is nowhere near Valdosta.


freckledk said...

I can't get past his nearly drowning you with saliva, but I'm shallow like that. Ew.

If you are still interested in him, you should continue to date him...and Valdosta. Right now, you don't know where either relationship will take you, so there's no harm in hanging in for both.

breezyallatsea said...

I say cut him loose. Too many issues there. Focus on Valdosta.

herrabidglow said...

You need to drop him. The fact that he said that he didn't know how to react to a pretty girl talking to him disturbs me. He knew how to act.

Valdosta just seems more geniune and in tune with you.

AmericanBridget (Jones) said...

So where does the Hungarian fall into place these days??? :)

Meghan said...

He has to go.

I'm not sure if it's truly his personality or just your interpretation of it -- but when reading about him all I can think is "I wouldn't want to spend 10 minutes alone in a room with this guy."

Then you threw in the too-much-tongue info and I was beyond done. Done.

Valdosta. 100% Valdosta.

Sarah said...

It's a mixture of both. He is a nice guy, but I find his sense of humor, constant taunting--whatever you want to call it--incredibly annoying.

So far I've dodged 2 texts and 2 phone calls. Do I have to tell him I don't want to see him anymore, or can I just disappear? And if I do have to tell him, can it be via text? Discuss.

Andy said...

Call him or text him to let him know its over. Be clear that its over, being clear does not mandate being mean. The texts/calls you get from him demanding more answers will only happen for a couple days.

If you just let it drift the text/calls will be longer and waaaay more annoying.

bonda84 said...

Ask yourself how you would want someone to break it to you that they dont want to see you anymore. The whole do unto others as you would have them due unto you thing.

Also by the fact you felt you were betraying Valdosta says something. Don't fight your feelings just go with them, we're given instincts for a reason, it's wise to listen to them once in a while.

Lpeg said...

haha, I think you know where I stand on how to respond :)

I'm sorry. I agree with everyone else - disregard him, because I think what you have with Valdosta is much, MUCH more important :)

Curvy Jones said...

The mere mention of a saliva filled kiss makes me want to hurl. DUMP THAT BOY on the grounds that he cannot kiss.

And that he's passive aggressive.

But mostly the kissing thing.

treacle said...

You asked...

Call him and tell him.

Good luck Xx

Anonymous said...

Don't do it by text. We'd all be on here talking about how crappy it was if someone had dumped you by text.
You two just don't mesh. I just can't figure out why you haven't done this sooner. It's almost like he's your comfort zone, because you are used to having to question everything.

Denise said...

Memphis sounds pretty sarcastic and antagonistic and definitely not Mr. Right, maybe Mr. Right-Now, but even then, not for long. I say buh-bye Memphis.

I also have to agree with bonda84, do unto others....

V said...


J said...

He deserves a phone call at the bare minimum. Although initially, I thought a text would suffice but then I thought about how I would feel if I was him. I think that the conversation you had has already set the stage for telling him that it just won't work.

Maura said...

"You don't know how hard it is to put yourself out there like that and then be rejected."

Uh, that's a little presumptuous

Michelle said...

Ohh, my 2nd comment!

You weren't sure about Memphis from the beginning. I'd call him not text him, let him down with a sugar coat like he would want. Be clear and precise. :)

Tracy said...

I have to tell you that your relationship with Valdosta sounds a lot like how my relationship with Ani started (and is still going on, almost 9 months!). I say let Memphis down easy and go hard with Valdosta! :)

Simmarah said...

He sounds like my ex-boyfriend. He could dish it, but couldn't take it. The pretty girl comment, ehh, he's too insecure!

But really, you know what's best for you :)

Prettylittletangents said...

So many men, so little time! My dear, you have been busy!

As for breaking it off, I hate to say it, but I think you have to call him. I think anything that lasts beyond two dates warrants a phone call, but that's just my pesky rule. Just say I think you're a wonderful person, but you're not the wonderful person for me. Throw in some compliments on things you truly did like about him and then wish him luck.

Good luck, darling!

La Femme said...

I think you should be almost 100% honest with him, with a phone call. Tell him you met someone, that it's not him, and you wish him the best. It's the only way to go, because he seems the type to be like "I can change that" if you give him any other excuse that might be about him, and you'll never shake him. Good Luck!

Je m'appelle Danielle said...

Breaking up with someone in a mature way (like telling them instead of doing the fade away), even someone I am out on, makes me want to throw up.

Good luck with that!

Bathwater said...

I say if he doesn't get the idea and fade on his own (missing two calls and two texts would be a pretty clear indication after that last conversation) be blunt and text him and tell him you are seeing someone else next time he asks you out.

He needs more self esteem.

TC said...

Peronsally, I believe he deserves an "in person" break off, but a phone call at the VERY least. Text is not ok.

nicole said...

definitely, definitely nowhere near valdosta. and i agree that it isn't fair for him to hold you to a double standard.. if he wants you out the door so bad, gladly walk out. i probably would have left the second time he asked.. but that's just me. i don't have the patience for those types of games.
and since you asked, he does deserve a phone call. mainly because he actually tried to be nice, even if his sense of humor isn't very funny, he was able to admit he was being a jerk. even if he isn't able to curb it. just tell him you're sick of the confusion. dating shouldn't be this much work this early into the relationship.
and i agree with your other friend... don't do it by text.. if someone did that to you we'd all be saying how cowardly it was. but don't avoid him either, you need to close that chapter, and he needs to know that he's not going to get anywhere continuing to call and text you.

Erin said...

I would call him and tell him that you are seeing other people and there's someone that you want to see exclusively. This guy sounds douchey enough that if you just tell him you don't want to see him with no explanation, he'll keep texting or calling and being passive aggressive. I don't think you need to do it in person, as you've only really had dinner dates with him and he doesn't seem like he will handle it well.

Nduta said...

Please chose Valdosta......i'm TEAM VALDOSTA all the way :)


© 2005 - 2013 He Loves Me Not
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution - Noncommercial - Share Alike 3.0 United States License.

template by suckmylolly.com