~Thursday, February 17, 2011

Date #11

I revamped my profile on e-Harmony. I reworded my essays, focusing more on Fun! than seriousness. Fun! is closer to my personality than droning on about the importance of honesty and blah, blah, barf. I uploaded a picture of me when I went ziplining. I was sporting the chest and butt halters and a red helmet. I wasn't wearing any makeup, but I was sticking my tongue out at the camera. Look at me displaying my Fun! I had a coworker read the new profile to detect any missed instances of Fun!'s evil step-sister Crazy and got her approval.

The revamp seemed to get things moving again.

Of the six or seven people I'm currently communicating with, Date #11 seemed to have the most promise. He was 28, a web developer and had a hobby of photography. When we set up our date, he said we had to do it earlier in the day since he was going to the city-wide pillow fight later in the afternoon. What? A city-wide flash-mob pillow fight? That sounds like something my friends and I would enjoy. The guy sounded alright, so I threw out a time and a place earlier in the day.

I picked a restaurant in Buckhead that's tucked away in a small neighborhood. It's a local hideaway. Even though it was a Sunday at 1, the boys were dressed in pressed Oxford shirts rolled up to the elbows. The ladies wore over-sized sunglasses and dresses. The day was sunny and everyone crowded on the wooden patio hidden beneath the trees.

Date #11 had never heard of the place. I was kind of surprised that he's lived in the city for 10 years and he never knew about it.

We stood outside waiting for a table. Date #11 was skinnier than I expected; he appeared smaller in real life. I wondered about his profile picture and his photography skills. But the conversation flowed easily enough.

"I don't think that the purpose of high school is to get a book education," he stated.

I lifted an eyebrow.

"I think it's to learn how to behave socially."

I thought about it. I guess that's true. A big part of high school is social interaction, but I don't think it's a lesson that requires conscious thought. It happens naturally.

"As soon as I learned that high school was about socialization, I had to make an effort. I was a bit behind everyone else," he continued.

I felt my jaw tighten. His statement did not sit well with me. What exactly does being behind everyone else in social interaction mean?

We were seated. The conversation continued.

"So what did you do last night?" I asked.

"I had a party," he answered.

"Oh that's cool. My friend Harvey had a party last night too. What did y'all do?"

"Well my friends were pretty out of it. They were passed out on my couch and I stayed up until 5 a.m. playing [some video game]."

Two drunk guys on a couch while he played X-Box solo was a far contrast from Harvey's party. Her husband grilled out and we took turns playing beer pong and Rockband.

It turns out that we are both members of the same beer club in town. That's not really much of a coincidence; most people are. But Date #11 kept his list of beers on him. He pulled out his wallet to show me.

His wallet was made entirely out of duct tape.

It wasn't even one of those professional ones you can buy off the Internet. This was a homemade job. I don't think I've seen a duct tape wallet since I was 14. My coworker's 9-year-old son has a duct tape wallet. I was turned off.

Then a few minutes later, he rolled up his sleeve and showed me a rash in the crook of his elbow. "I'm allergic to the sun," he tells me.

He explained the rash to me in far more detail than what was appropriate. Which would have been never. It is never okay to display a rash on a first date. I guess I should be glad that he didn't unzip his pants to show me the rash.

He scratches his rash. "It really itches," he says.

Sometimes I have thoughts and sometimes I don't filter them. "What, does the sun interfere with your rickets?"

He looked at me, puzzled. I assume he doesn't know what rickets is. This is probably a good thing.

After about five minutes of talking about his rash, he realizes his faux pas.

"Do you have any weird medical problems?" he asked me.

I shrugged my shoulders, "Nope."

Guess that high school socialization didn't work.


MissM said...

Oh, GAWD. Why are these morons wasting money on eHarmony?

Toddy said...

My brother who is 30 and friggin AWESOME and totally above average in social interaction has his own duct tape wallet that he made himself. Possibly when he was 14. He lives in LA, thinks its hip. Whether it is or not, he's a total catch and hasn't been single for a day since he was 8. He gets any girl he wants. So next time, if you don't get a fashion statement or identity statement like a wallet (cool or lame) maybe overlook it. But yeah the rash stuff is totally weird and yes, worth noticing. Better luck next time, T.

Simmarah said...

*sigh*, Oh boy...

That's all I have to say about that. Seems like these online guys are getting worse and worse!

Gretta James said...

H has a sun alergy. Dump!

Je m'appelle Danielle said...

Egh. When a guy tells me that he is slow in the social interaction part of life I'm pretty much out. I'm not a teacher on social p's and q's.

And BTW Velcro wallets and Duct Tape wallets should be outlawed after age 13. Chain wallets are getting to that point as well, in my personal opinion.

Maura said...

Who talks about a rash on a first date?

I'm sorry one more time, WHO TALKS ABOUT A RASH ON A FIRST DATE? It makes me laugh and angry, simultaneously.

Breeza said...

Ugh. Some guys are sooo weird!

Anonymous said...

Well, at least you've weeded out one more Mr. Wrong on the way to finding Mr. Right.
Don't you love it when they at least display their issues up front so you don't waste any time thinking they are normal,emotionally available, etc.?

j said...

I apologize for this but....


I only laugh because I have been on these sorts of dates. I have also realized that the only thing that you can do is laugh about them.

Anonymous said...

Oh cripes! Do these guys have no idea? Uhhh, "I have an in grown toe nail, and these shoes are killing me, here, let me show you".

Dumb asses.

J said...

I too tried to highlight the Fun! in my eHarmony profile. I still seem to attract a lot of humorless drones, unfortunately. Though never have I gone out with a guy that had a rash and a duct tape wallet. You win! Hopefully the next one will be better...

Toddy said...

I really don't understand the problem with the duct taped wallet!!!! Seriously!!! Its kind of artsy and handy and thrifty. its not even that bad looking. its looks silvery. bah. -T.

creativintage said...

Toddy gets a little defensive of her brother.

My brother is freakin AWESOME but he doesn't have a duck tape wallet. He's also single. Are these things detrimental for him? In Toddy's mind, perhaps.

Haters gonna hate.

wanderingmenace said...

Oh man
That's pretty awkward.
Duct tape wallet AND a rash?
Bogus lady, bogus.

Paige Jennifer said...

Well it makes sense his job involves interacting with electronics more so than people. He's a keeper. ;)

Toddy said...

oh lord. I don't think I'm a "hater" at all. I think I was just having fun with the whole duct tape wallet thing too. And giving some fresh perspective. But whatevs... -T.


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