It's been a month since my breakup with Valdosta and I'm surprised with how much it has actually hurt.
I think it was Banky in Chasing Amy who said that love is best when it dies young, a la Romeo and Juliet. You fall in love, and one person dies at the apex of the relationship. The love never dies. Harsh exchanges were never made. Ultimatums were never given. Feelings were never hurt. You're left with only good memories and because of that, the one who left is idolized. Or maybe idealized. Most likely both.
I feel there are a lot of similarities with Valdosta's and my relationship. It was easy. It was only good times. And then it stopped.
He left before the bad and the ugly could have transpired. Before the faults could be discovered. I'm left alone with only the good. I have nothing to work with as to why I shouldn't like him. As to why the relationship couldn't have lasted (other than the glaring one of that he left).
When I stood up the from the table and walked home, I was cocky in my absolute certainty that Valdosta would regret his decision and come back one day. I give it six weeks, I thought to myself. Let him date others and think of me. A girlfriend told me I would be the one that got away in his life. I agreed! My mother said that this wouldn't be the last that I hear from him. My own past dictates that he will return. They all do. They all say that they didn't realize what a good girlfriend I was and how they missed me and, by the way, they are sorry they treated me badly. Unfortunately for them, this never happens until I'm good and pissed off and don't care anymore.
But because Valdosta was such a great guy, I'm beginning to think he won't come back. He said he gave me and him and us a lot of thought because he didn't want to make the wrong decision in leaving me. And because he was a good guy of respectable character—unlike my sleaze-bag ex-boyfriends—he won't come back. He made the right decision.
I didn't expect it to hurt this much. It was only two months. I had been happy before I met him. I still don't feel back to normal. I don't feel as shiny as I used to. I'm worried that instead of me being Valdosta's one-that-got-away girl, he's going to be my one-that-got-away guy. And that utterly terrifies me.