~Friday, May 06, 2011

Through the gossip mill

I told myself that the last post I wrote about Statham was going to be the last post I wrote about Statham. I was done with the drama and I just wanted to feel normal again.

He showed up to my weekly night out this week. He never shows up that night. But I saw him and his baseball cap bob into the bar and my stomach dropped. I didn't want this boy who had been inside of me ignore me again so publicly. This was my one night out a week where I have fun; I didn't want my feelings to be hurt again.

He approached the group I was standing with. I grabbed my purse and ran into the bathroom to just collect myself and just breathe. This wasn't supposed to happen; he wasn't supposed to be there. A girlfriend saw me panic and followed me in the bathroom. The anxiety chest pains that I thought were just a part of life when I was with S had returned this week. I'd be sitting in the late afternoon writing at work and I'd have to stop and grab my heart. It hurt. And here I was in the bathroom clutching my chest again.

I quickly composed myself and returned to the group. Statham looked at me, "Why do girls go to the bathroom in pairs?" he asked jokingly.

"Duh! To make sure all clothes are tucked in/hanging out the way it's supposed to be, to make sure there isn't toilet paper streaming from your heel, to pass you toilet paper under the partition when your stall is out, and to stand in front of the door when the lock is broken."

"You know what would solve those first problems? A mirror."

"A girlfriend is better. A girlfriend will tell you that you're beautiful and the mirror rarely does that."

And that was that. I meandered over to Clemson, which ended up being a cluster in and of itself. He was in a mood. He he told me that he was really hungover and had a lot of work to do before the week was finished. Intellectually, I know I need to take whatever Clemson says at face value: he isn't one to lie or make up falsities for the sake of sparing feelings. But I was disappointed nonetheless. I thought I was going to get my flirt on and I didn't.

By that time I was being summoned from across the bar—the flip cup game was starting and people wanted me on their team. I was so relieved that someone wanted my attention and I didn't have to wade around in this awkwardness anymore. Statham moved on to his ex-girlfriend's table, where he remained for the rest of the night.


Yesterday at work, I got the same e-mail I received the previous week: Margaritas. After work. This time the e-mail made more sense: it was Cinco de Mayo and the country over would be drinking margaritas that night.

I typed back that I would be late. Schmoozer and I were scheduled for a run after work. I met him in front of the river.

"We'll run at your pace tonight. If I feel like I didn't get enough of a run in, I'll just continue on after you've finished," he told me.

I set my pacing watch and we took off. Because he wasn't working as hard as I was—his 5k time is about 12 minutes faster than mine—he was chatty. I tried to keep up the conversation in between breaths.

At the 1.75 mile marker, there are two options: you can either run straight and complete the 3.1-mile stretch, or you can circle around and add another 2 miles to the total run for a distance of 5.1 miles.

"What do you say? You want to turn left?" he asked.

"Okay, but if we do, I'm going to have to stop and walk at some point," I puffed.

"It's your pace."

We turned left. We lapped walkers that we had already passed. Schmoozer began a game of targeting people he knew we could pass and then beating them.

"Black, up ahead," he pointed. In front of us was a girl in black running. "She's going too quickly and she's going to run out of gas. Let's pass her." He pointed a finger gun at her and made laser blowing-up noises.

Sure enough, she tired out and we passed her.

"Blue, up ahead," he said as he found a new target.

At 3.5 miles, I had to stop and walk a quarter mile before finishing the 5-mile run. It was my most successful run to date. Just having Schmoozer beside me was enough to keep me going so I wouldn't look like an idiot and stop and walk.

At home, I stepped out of the shower and wrapped my hair into a turban. It was cool out; I would have to wear long sleeves if I met up with the group for Cinco de Mayo. I sat down at my computer and looked at the invite list again. Everybody was going, including Clemson, Statham and Statham's ex. I sighed. I was worn out from the run. I couldn't think of a cute outfit I hadn't worn yet that had long sleeves. I sat quietly and listened to myself. I didn't want the calories or the alcohol of the margaritas—tequila isn't exactly known for making people get along. More than anything, what I really wanted to do was plop down on my couch with my wet hair and watch Grey's Anatomy.

In the spirit of my 5-mile run and being healthy, that's exactly what I decided to do.


Waiting for me this morning was an e-mail from Statham. I was surprised because we've all but become strangers to each other. He told me that in my absence, the gossip mill was in full swing last night. It's a group that if you're not there, you're going to be talked about. I can't and don't want to make every event anymore; I'm going to be talked about eventually.

I responded and asked if there was anything I needed to know.

I received this response:

That Clemson is a good guy.

Your name came up, so I purposely started telling him that I'd heard the 2 of you had "been" together... he denied it. A couple of other people had heard the same thing, but Clemson explained that you just crashed at his place one night instead of driving home after the bar.

Good guy... kinda changed my opinion of him...

Oh yeah... no reason to be weird around me... kinda awkward walking into the bar the other night and the conversation stopped when you saw me walking over to say hey.

Tears stung my eyes as I read the e-mail. Why would Statham approach Clemson and start making up lies? Statham knows nothing happened; I told him so. I guess Statham wanted confirmation from both sides. And what's it to him anyway? He's spending all of his spare time with his ex. He should be relieved that whatever rumor is circulating about me doesn't involve him. Instead he's stirring the pot.

I don't care about the Clemson rumor. It isn't true. And even if it was, there are no ramifications. We're both single people without any league baggage. He hasn't hooked up with anyone from the league. I have, but due to Statham's concern about his perception of being a good guy, I know he'll never say a word.

But what's it to Statham for being concerned about anything regarding me?


Je m'appelle Danielle said...

Because men like that are territorial. Its a power move, he has been with you, and although he doesn't want you, he doesn't want anyone else to have you.

Honestly, these people don't seem to offer anything good in the friendship department, who gives a shit what they think? Or what they gossip about? I certainly wouldn't.

Good for you on staying home, missing the drama although it got emailed to you later on. You saved yourself the sugar from the booze as well as some bucks from the bar.

Toddy said...

ugh. I hate this guy. he just seems - inconsiderate. And egocentric. Maybe you should just write the BRIEFEST of emails or have the BRIEFEST of convos if it ever comes up. Couldn't you just stop responding at all? Or take a long time to respond until it just kind of peters out and you can remove yourself from regular/in depth convo with him? I hear you on not wanting the alcohol and especially NOT the calories and staying in. I'm supposed to go on a date tonight but I dont wanna. I feel like crap. My coworker was kinda mean. Whadya gonna do then - go home- put on sweatpants and watch tv? Um yeah, exactly. Because I'm exhausted. And I work Saturdays. so what? Keep on keepin on girl. Sounds like your drama is exhausting...Cheers, T.

Me said...

If this guy causes you this much anxiety and you are hanging with the group of friends that he's been with longer than you...duuuuuude....Will be tough unless you can kick the anxiety in the butt. :)Which I bet you can. You have handled a ton worse...:)

He's a dick.

kcraptastic said...

Guys perspective... He is trying to keep you far enough away that you don't get attached but close enough that he can still get a drunken f$$$ every now and again.. Both from you and ex!!! The whole group seems drama. Play sports with them and drink some if your having fun but I wouldn't worry about being IN the group.. They will wear you out!


Dream in Grey said...

Staying in with Grey's was a great move - tossbiscuit clearly thinks he can get back into your pants with a little attention and stirring - stupid, stupid tossbiscuit

Anonymous said...

I agree with Kevin's guy perspective. I would certainly keep this group at arms length...they're the kind that can be fun to be around, but you don't want to invest too much in. I'm glad Clemson seems to be a good guy, I hope it stays that way.

freckledk said...

I'm not liking this new circle of friends; they seem to be more trouble than they are a blessing.

Just one more obnoxious "here's how I think you should behave" comment: you aren't obligated to engage with Statham (sp?), so please feel free to ignore his attempts at contact. He hasn't displayed any sort of behavior that could be deemed worthy of a reply from you, so why give it to him? Yeah, it'll be awkward the first or second time you see him, but so what? He'll eventually crumble under your silence and you won't have to worry about him --- what he'll say and to whom ---- any longer.

Bathwater said...

Well it is obvious that Statham is NOT a good guy and he loves the rumor mill. Two good reasons not to tell him anything you do.

Anonymous said...

men love to gossip. i never realized this to be true until FilmGuy. He loves hearing the goss when it's juicy...not the every day run of the mill stuff.

one way to look at it though...you are important enough to them for them to talk about you. good, bad, or ugly. i've been there. but with my former crew it turned to the ugly all the time, therefore they are the former. take care of your self.

stay home more often.

Syd said...

He's a shitbag.

j said...

For someone who is worried about gossip and rumours, Statham sure seems to spend a lot of time perpetuating the cycle. I think you made the right choice in staying home. We all need a break now and then.

Angela said...

He could have caused problems between you and Clemson, if it hadn't been for the fact that clemson knows how gossipy they all are. He had no right to be asking him about your spending the night, and I agree with the guy above who said he's being territorial.

Angela said...

Or that should be: if Clemson didn't trust you.

Anonymous said...

Long time reader, first time noter.

I'm starting to wonder if Statham was the one that started or helped perpetuate the rumor about Clemson, if for nothing else than to create an "easy way out" once rumors started flying about your involvement with someone in the group--all he had to say was it was Clemson and take the blame off himself. He's already made it quite clear he'll jump through hoops to deny what happened between you two and he certainly knew you had gone over to Clemson's place. Plus Clemson actually sounds like a pretty decent guy. While he stated you had spent the night, he sounds like an upstanding guy that would've been honest about what really happened. Or since they have habits of bed-hopping, they just assumed that had happened as well, even if Clemson didn't claim it.

No matter what, this group makes my head hurt. Why would you want to spend so much time with people that constantly tear each other down?

Sarah said...

I thought of that today. Statham originally found out I spent the night at Clemson's BECAUSE CLEMSON TOLD HIM TO HIS FACE. It's not a rumor when someone tells you firsthand. And last week when I asked both boys what was said, both agreed that Clemson did not imply anything sexual had happened. There was no rumor.

So for Statham to return to Clemson and insist he heard rumors about Clemson and I hooking up, it was Statham starting the rumor right then and there. F*cked up.

With that said, Leader and Girl from Irish pub were quick to tell people that I've been spending the night and have left other people to fill in the blanks, hence your bed-hopping mindset.

Very astute observation :)

J said...

He has a lot of nerve to call you out for your reaction to him coming over to say "hey" after the way he's handled everything. He's a drama loving douche.

Anonymous said...

I agree with Kevin. Statham wants to keep you & his ex on a string. I wouldn't respond to him at all privately. He's already proven he's an ass. Publicly, I would be civil, but I would keep ALL of them at arms length. They don't respect you at all, with the possible exception of Clemson, who has repeatedly demonstrated he's a stand up guy.


Anonymous said...

I agree with the last Anonymous. These people sounded fun, but man, what a bunch of drama!

Red Stethoscope said...

Eww! I hate Statham! I feel like I say that now that I've been keeping up with the storyline. Seriously, who does he think that he is? Stay the eff out of your business and stop trying to be a little girl who creates drama. Clemson DOES seem like a good guy, which is exactly why it's none of his business what type of relationship the two of you have. For someone who doesn't even have the balls to claim that he slept with you, he sure does exert a lot of effort trying to keep tabs on your love life.

Dave said...

Yeah man this is so friggin' high school and lame shits. Honestly Sarah, you're better than all of this. In ten years, you won't ever see any of these people again. Been reading for a while and what I don't get is why would you want to hang with people (in your FREE time no less) that don't serve to nourish your soul? Seek out those that do. Love will find you. Don't worry.

Tiffany said...

What a jerk. No more Statham. I don't like him. I do, however, need a running buddy like Schmoozer! How useful is he--free personal trainer!



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