~Monday, May 09, 2011


After our five-mile jog on Thursday, Schmoozer asked if I would like to do it again Friday after work. I squinted my eye and furrowed my brow as I thought about it. Normally I don't run on Fridays because I have happy-hour plans... but nope, not this week. "Sure! See you tomorrow!" I said.

That night I got a text from Harvey, inviting everyone to dinner at a Mexican restaurant. Unfortunately Schmoozer and I would just have to be late.

The run was tougher on me than it was the previous day. My legs and glutes were still sore from the increase in intensity. But I did it again. Five miles. If I can do five miles when I'm feeling so-so, then I can do five miles every day. It's just a matter of mental strength.

I went home and showered and made it to the Mexican restaurant about an hour and a half after everyone else. Which meant that everyone else had been drinking pitchers of margaritas for an hour-and-a-half longer than me and was an hour-and-a-half drunker than me.

I eyed the margarita. My feelings on it hadn't changed since the previous day: too many calories and too much sugar after doing something so healthy. "No thanks," I said. "I'm trying to lose weight."

"Somebody slap that girl in the face," countered Government Mule.

Schmoozer walked in and was also startled by the drunkenness of the crowd. He took a seat on the other side of Katie. She pushed my rejected margarita to him and he declined it as well, ordering a single beer instead. Everyone was loud and shouting and cheering. Schmoozer and I sat back and observed. A drunken Katie got up to go to the bathroom and Schmoozer took her seat next to me.

"I'm glad we got here late," he said. "We don't have to eat all the calories and spend all the money."

"For sure. I'm not really feeling it tonight. I'm tired and everyone is so out of control," I responded.

"Me too."

Katie returned from the bathroom and took Schmoozer's old seat. She then laid down in his lap. He pushed her up by the shoulders. "You have to sit up. We're at a restaurant," he gently prodded her.

She drunkenly leaned in and whispered to him, "You should be nice to me; I'm rich now." She had accepted a new job offer that afternoon.

I was surprised by the insecurity she displayed to Schmoozer; they've been dating for months now. He even met her parents within the last couple of weeks. But then again, I also don't know much about the relationship because Schmoozer and I don't talk about it and Katie is a private person.

Government Mule grabbed Harvey's husband's soft taco and then passed it around the room when he wasn't looking. I was turned off. That was his meal that he paid for and something like 16 hands had touched it. It just didn't seem cool to me to mess with someone's food. If the kickball group that I had been hanging out seemed like high school, this one seemed like middle school.

I looked at my phone. I made it a good hour. I leaned in to Schmoozer, "I think I'm done here."

"Me too."

I stood up from the table and waved goodbye to everyone, which was received by over-the-top boos and hisses and jeers. Schmoozer then stood up and received it as well.

We stood outside the restaurant. "It was just too drunk and loud in there," I said.

"I thought it was going to be a small group, not 25 people," he agreed. "I think I'm going to Starbucks instead," he said as stepped towards his car.

My throat hurt from shouting to be heard inside. "That sounds nice."

He turned around. "You wanna come with?"


"Just follow me."

We were sitting outside the Starbucks with our coffees. I had already lamented to Schmoozer my latest update re: Statham versus Clemson and we had moved on to telling stories about really embarrassing things we did in college while we were inebriated—I was in the middle of telling Schmoozer about the time I threw up on a guy—when I saw Government Mule's SUV pull up.

Oh shit. This did not look good.

Then Katie's sister pulls her SUV into the Starbucks' lot.

They eye us and go inside to retrieve their coffees. Schmoozer moved to the seat next to me so Government Mule and Jenna could sit together.

Government Mule sat down. "It got too crazy there. They flipped a table and broke a glass," he said. "How did y'all know about this Starbucks?" he asked.

"Schmoozer knew where it was and I followed him."

I updated Government Mule on the conversation and retold the story in which I yakked on some dude. The conversation seemed go to well with the exception of Jenna who didn't say a word.

Then Starbucks had closed and we all stood up to leave. I said goodbye to everyone, telling them I'd see them at the party tomorrow.

About a half hour later, I got a phone call from Government Mule.

"What's going on with you and Schmoozer?" he asked directly.

"We're friends," I said. I pointed out how we were talking about my guy troubles and how I was telling embarrassing stories about myself, neither of which I would mention if we were anything but friends.

He told me he'd been hearing stories about how Schmoozer and I spend a lot of time together, citing the morning walking around Chattanooga and tonight's coffee as examples. He said we always arrive and leave places together.

I laid my cards out on the table with Government Mule, whom I haven't even spoken to in two months. I said I see all the dinner and movie events on Facebook to which I wasn't invited, and it hurts my feelings. I said I felt the distance from the group. Schmoozer is the only one who keeps up with me and makes the effort with me and I needed his friendship, especially with my kickball league currently imploding.

Government Mule countered that I could always text and call him.

"Bullshit," I spat angrily. "You sent me an e-mail back in March asking me if I was okay and I sent you one back saying that I wasn't, and YOU never responded. We haven't spoken since. Do you know what it feels like to open up like that and then be dismissed? So, no, I can't count on you."

Government Mule crumbled, not having a rebuttal. "When someone tells you they are not okay, it's not an e-mail chat. It's a talk you have in person. But the next time I saw you, we were surrounded by people and the time after that I got mad at you, and, no, I never said anything. I'm a terrible friend. I'm sorry."

He then warned me that it's been awhile since Katie had a good relationship and he didn't want to see it end traumatically. I said I hoped he expected more from me because she's my friend and I want the same thing for her.


The next morning Katie called me in tears. Apparently Jenna gave her a whole different side of the story, one that was not entirely true. She tried to call Schmoozer but he didn't answer, so by the time she reached me, she was hysterical.

"I tried to go home with him last night and he said no," she cried. "He turned down nookie to get coffee with you."

"That's not what happened. He told me and Government Mule and Jenna that you had a race the next morning, but you didn't have your stuff on you. He knew that if you spent the night at his place, you'd skip the race."

"Jenna didn't tell me that part."

"Ask Government Mule. Also ask him if we were sitting next to each other when he drove up, because we weren't. Jenna is wrong about that too."

"I just don't want to be the girl that he hangs out with, and then he gets coffee with someone else," she sniffed.

"What can I do? Do you want me to not spend time with him anymore? Do you want me to run it by you if we do? What can I do so that you feel better about this?" I asked earnestly.

"Nothing. It's not your problem. It's my problem with Schmoozer."

"Do you still want me to go to your party tonight?" I asked.

"Of course."

I got off the phone. I felt awful. Katie never shows any emotion and she was crying. I had enough drama with the one group so I returned to my home group, only for that one to implode as well. I needed to talk to somebody, but I literally had no one to call. All of my girlfriends are friends with Katie and I didn't want to spread any more drama around.

I called my mom. She knows all parties involved, including Schmoozer. He doesn't have any family in town and I had brought him home for Christmas. Being the only man in the house, Schmoozer carved our Christmas ham at dinner.

"Sarah," she said. "Do you remember Gone with the Wind?"

"Of course." That movie is the reason my family settled in the city.

"Do you remember the scene where Scarlett consoles Ashley and they are seen together? And because of the rumors, Scarlett didn't want to go to Ashley's birthday party. Then Rhett Butler finds out and he pushes her to the closet and finds the slutty red dress and tells her to wear plenty of rouge? He told her to look her part?"


"You better go to that party tonight," she said. "It's incriminating if you don't. But I'd wear a turtleneck if I were you."


DL White said...

I mean...she blows her boyfriend off to sleep... Really?

Anonymous said...

Katie is right on one point: it is her problem with Schmoozer. On the other hand, as a woman with an ex fiance who was "just friends" with another woman & got burned, if Katie & Schmoozer are serious & exclusive, I, too would have a problem with how much time you were spending alone with my boyfriend if I were Katie.

That said, it is their problem to solve, so if one of them asks you to step back, I'm sure you will. You are a class act.


treacle said...

Your Mum was bang on. x

Anonymous said...

Just a thought, but you've lost weight, gotten in better shape, found a new group, etc. Is it possible that all your positive changes are making the other women feel more threatened? You do seem to have outgrown them to some extent and people like people how they've been. They aren't always comfortable or excited about change.
Could that be somewhat responsible for the distance you've felt?
You were right, it didn't look good at Starbucks, but you handled the call with her perfectly. I agree with the commenter that said you were a class act.

Anonymous said...

You can't catch a break! And your mom is like Yoda.

Hang in there!

Anonymous said...

It's good that Katie realizes it's her problem with Schmoozer and they need to be the ones to handle it.

While I understand what it's like to be the suspicious girlfriend, I also am more familiar with being the friend that's a girl who gets caught in the crossfire.

It sucks when people are so insecure with themselves and their relationships that it effects so many other people.

But you have handled everything in a great way and you have nothing to hang your head about.

Your Home Group should all know you well enough to know you wouldn't hurt Katie like that, and I guess if they don't then maybe they aren't the people you thought they were. Either way, keep moving forward and everything will work out for the best.

Anonymous said...

I can somewhat see Katie’s side of things. It can be kinda awkward, especially since at one point there was interest between Schmoozer and you—you were the one that brought him into the group, after all. But you respected boundaries and friendships when Katie and him started dating.
HOWEVER, that being said, she has pretty much allowed herself to be in this position. It sounds like both Schmoozer and yourself are always considerate enough to include her in everything. She has nobody to blame but herself that it ends up being just the two of you (the Chattanooga trip is a very good example). It’s not like you are manipulating Schmoozer in order to spend time without Katie in tow—she almost seems unwilling to do anything. And to be brutally honest, it’s difficult and extremely boring to spend time with someone who’s like that constantly. If she doesn’t get her act together soon I imagine there’s going to be a break up because Katie is not meeting what Schmoozer desires in a relationship. Unfortunately, because you two are spending time together outside the group I have a feeling it’s going to be very messy, when it won’t be your fault in the first place.
Good luck girl, you’re going to need it.
As a side note—what kind of diet did Katie use? Sounds effective, but with how much she seems to sleep/be inactive, I’m led to believe it’s the Holy Grail of all diets.

Anonymous said...

Your friendship with Schmoozer is inappropriate. And deep down you know it. And what kind of nick name is that? Has he been schmoozing you?

He should have just stuck to dating you when he first met you, instead of letting his peen-peen draw him towards 'beautiful' Katie.

As for Katie, she's kindda getting what she deserves. YOU, and not her, found Kickball guy. She KNEW you liked him. Then, just as she did tonight with you, one night she started crying and falling apart (in public no less), which was the emotional trigger that made you GIVE UP on pursuing things with Kickball guy and acquise to her.

Moral of my comment? Katie got in the way of you and Kickball guys slow-burning romance. And she knows it.

EVERYONE can see that you and Schmoozer are a match made in sports heaven.

If you and him had not gone on a date before Katie stuck her claws in him, I would be mad at you for spending so much time with him. But I can't. Cuz you two belong together and your friends should respect that.

If they don't, then shelve them. They've been excluding from events for months anyway. What kind of friends are that?

To quote a song by Usher, on behalf of Kickball guy:

"Before anything began between us
You were like my best friend
The one I used to run and talk to
When me and my girl was having problems
You used to say it'll be okay
Suggest little nice things I should do
But when I go home at night and lay my head down
All I seem to think about was you
And how you make me wanna


leave the one I'm with and
Start a new relationship with you
This is what you do
Think about a ring and all the things that come along with
You make me

Verse 2:

Now what's bad is you're the one that hooked us up
Knowing it should have been you
And what's sad is that I love her but I'm falling for you
What should I do
Should I tell my baby bye-bye
Should I do exactly what I feel inside
Cause I, I don't wanna go, don't need to stay
But I really need to get it together.
you make me wanna


leave the one I'm with and
Start a new relationship with you
This is what you do
Think about a ring and all the things that come along with
You make me"

Sarah said...

She used the Weight Watcher's diet and points program. She met her goal weight with the program and swears by it.

j said...

Ugh...all this drama sucks. The way I see it you have done nothing wrong so there is no reason for you to bow out of events. Your mom is right.

Seine said...

I know the feeling. i feel so completely overwhelmed by all of my friends right now, and all they ever seem to do is to encourage me to drink more to escape pain & drama.

Your mom is right. It's incriminating if you don't go. Did you wear a cute turtleneck at least? :)

Tracy said...

I love your mom's analogy! Gone With the Wind is my favorite book. I agree that Katie needs to get her head out of her ass. From your posts, it doesn't seem like she actually wants to do a lot with Schmoozer (I liked Kickball Guy better) and that right there is a relationship breaker. Hope this all works out for you!

Anonymous said...

if they are excluding you from events most likely they dont want you there and you shouldnt infringe...i would not consider most of these people friends....and when you know better you do better...and its safe to say you know!!!

they have passed ur name around tha table a dozen or more times with vaying males name accompanied with it....im sure they are jealous of you, ur charm,beauty, singleness, athletic ability....easy prey fro haters...please Sarah find new friends...

Gretta James said...

It sounds like Schmoozer wants the to spend more time with you than his actual girlfriend.

In my opinion that's a problem.

The question is... Is this Katie a really good friend of yours? If she is, is she worth losing over a guy who you may or may not get with because at the end of the day you could lose her in this situation especially with all the gossip raging.

J said...

I think Schmoozer is conflicted, and Katie can see it. He sees in you qualities he likes that Katie lacks, and it's an uncomfortable position for you to be in as both Schmoozer's friend and Katie's friend. Hopefully things work out as they should, with minimal drama along the way...prob too much to ask for when tequila is involved!

Red Stethoscope said...

Oh. my. goodness. I need the next installment now!

I agree with the second Anonymous, who said that part of this is Katie's fault. If she is so concerned about the time that you guys are spending together, she needs to get out of bed, stop being drunk, and join you two.

Schmoozer seems to really like you and obviously, you both enjoy spending time together. (And, that's awesome!) I have a feeling that eventually he's going to tire of the drama...you both seem to be outgrowing the nonsense of the group.

Danielle said...

Trouble. Its all I see coming if it hasn't came already. I am not sure how much Katie will believe you VS her sister. I am sure that she still harbors "fat girl" insecurities, and I am not saying that in a rude way, I just know what its like. Its not something that goes away when the LBs do.

Maybe pass all the social drinking activities for a while. See what happens, and see who comes out of the woodwork when you stop appearing to hang out with people and they actually have to make plans with you.

Sarie said...

You're relationship with Schmoozer is NOT inappropriate. Of course, the last guy I dated ended things with me because he was jealous of all the time I spend with other guy friends one-on-one. But I'm not going to stop hanging out with my guy friends no matter if they have a girlfriend or a wife or what. And I don't think you should either.

Anonymous said...

Dear. God. I thought I had drama.

Anonymous said...

Katie plays games.

Meghan said...

One of the Anon comments hit a bullseye.

Katie *knew* you were interested in Schmoozer/Kickball Guy. Katie manipulated (though I'm unsure if she did it purposefully or subconsciously) the situation to where you would clear the field for her and let her have what she wanted. She then proceeded to abuse what she'd gotten -- she ignored him, chose bed over him, chose drinking over him . . . etc.

You and Kickball guy/Schmoozer have had that "slow burn" since the beginning. It didn't have the time to manifest itself fully because Katie intervened and manipulated.

Neither he nor yourself are disrespecting their relationship. She is. She has had every opportunity to be the girlfriend she should be and to show him that he's important. Instead she chooses bed and booze.

You've been a better friend to her than I could have been and I commend you for that. And you've been a great friend -- and nothing more, thus far -- to him throughout his and Katie's relationship.

Anonymous said...

I hope it's all going okay now...


Eleni Zoe said...

Ugh. This is so complicated. On the one hand, I agree that Katie did kind of come out of left field and stake her claim on a guy that you bought into the group as a potential 'love interest.' So it's hard for me to have sympathy for her now.

But on the other hand, they are dating and you are her friend and you did the right thing by asking what you could to make her feel better.

Maybe, you could keep your distance from Kickball Guy for a while until they sort out their relationship? And then go from there?


Scrumps said...

Wow. I am in no place to ever offer advice on these things - but you seem to know where to draw the lines so ultimately you'll make the right decision.

To be fair -

Katie: should make more of an effort with Schmoozer (definitely prefer Kickball Guy!). She's being a lame girlfriend.

Schmoozer: should talk to Katie about what he wants in a GF and be a little bit more hoenst with her

Your friends: (And I am not judging them) They should knwo you better than to suggest that something is going on between you and Schmoozer and if there's a problem - they should call you both up on it (though I don't know that they haven't done this with Schmoozer).

You: Should maybe consider taking a step back. Maybe tell Schmoozer to air his concerns to Katie.

All that said, I don't think you're in the wrong here. I think you handled the call with her very well! :)

edwina said...

hey sarah, just a bit of advice on your running as a fellow runner- its AWESOME how well you are doing with it and increasing your mileage- well done!

but depending on how much you did before this you shouldn't increase your mileage per week by more than 10% as a rule of thumb to prevent injury- even if you do feel like you could keep going forever- the last thing u want is to be sidelined by injury just as you are getting into it.

i don't know how much you were doing before but if you go from say, 15 miles a week to 25 miles a week you are at high risk of an injury such as stress fracture, tendonitis etc - these can often come on without warning even if you are feeling ok.
sorry don't want to sound preachy but also don't want you to hurt yourself!

Syd said...

And don't forget rest days!

I do think it's a dick move for your good friends to be talking behind your back, cause they should know better that you wouldn't be out to hurt Katie.

I think you handled both calls (GM and Katie) in the best possible way.

Me said...

Messy problem potentially looming. Hope I am wrong. :)

Rosie said...

Since you met him, I've sensed that there's a massive attraction between the two of you, but when he began to get closer to Katie you did the honourable thing and backed off majorly. Well done.

I guess the problem seems to be that the attraction is still there between you and Kickball Guy, and no matter who he's dating and who you're dating, the connection remains. There's not much you can do about that.

You've conducted yourself with honour throughout this situation and I'm sure you'll consider to do so. It's a shame that men and women can't be friends without the associated gossip, but that gossip is often inevitable. I guess you have to decide whether you want to weather the gossip and remain close friends with Kickball Guy, continuing to push the attraction to the back of your mind; or pander to the gossipmongers and cool it with him.

Either way, I think it would help to continue to communicate with Katie about the situation: tell her you value Kickball Guy as a friend and nothing more, but that you're aware that other people could see things differently. Ask her how she would like to deal with everything.

You're a good friend.

freckledk said...

Jesus...drama in this circle, drama in that circle...drama, drama, drama. You must be exhausted!

I can't speak for Katie or for Schmoozer. We don't know where Katie is coming from and what she's really thinking - same with Schmoozer. I guess what I want to know is, "How does Sarah feel?"

Are you into him? It's okay if you are. I mean, if Katie didn't exist, is Schmoozer someone you'd like to date? Right now, you clearly aren't trying to steal someone's boyfriend, although it seems that everyone in your circle is expecting you to (which is a problem, for them, not for you).

Again, drama drama drama.

Bathwater said...

Sarah you brought Kick Ball Guy into the group it only natural for you to be hanging around with him.

Katie is right this is an issue between Him and her. I think he is having second thoughts about which girl he picked. hearing the story from your point of view makes it sound like he wishes he'd picked you.

Someone needs to confront him though, and it looks like it will happen now.

Anonymous said...

First of all I agree with some of the comments above that you found kickball guy first. Katie seriously sounds like she has a drinking problem. I'm not sure her and kickball guy or going to last. I would distance myself from that group. It's possible the time you spend with kickball cam be running by I wouldn't be hanging with that group together. And that group doesn't sound very nice either. This is Lanie, btw.

Lauri said...

Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't Katie the one who left the two of you alone on the walk around town so she could "go back to bed"? Isn't she the one you had to wait for to eat lunch cause she was still sleeping at noon? And now she calls crying cause you and her boyfriend are having a very platonic relationship doing things like "gasp" running in the park (which she is NEVER going to do) and "OMG" sitting across from each other having coffee?

Please....she's being lazy, drinking too much and COMPLETELY taking her boyfriend for granted....the only thing she was right on is that it is her problem to figure out, not yours......

The crying was probably because deep down she knows that all of this is on her....

I understand your concern because she is your friend, but you've done nothing wrong....like Cebene said, if you need to, you will take a step back...


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