~Monday, June 20, 2011


When Schmoozer's best friend walked in Schmoozer's house Saturday night, he found Schmoozer and me mid-chess game. He walked to the fridge and a grabbed beer before pulling up a chair to the table. It was my turn.

I ran a finger across the tip of my bishop. The Best Friend growled. I eyed him curiously.

"Not that piece," he enunciated.

I picked up my knight and looked at him. He didn't protest. I moved it across the board.

"Bup bup bup!" he interjected as he rolled his eyes.

I quickly picked it up again and found another place for it. The Best Friend was silent.

Schmoozer leaned forward and studied the board. Then he gasped as he collapsed back into his chair. "What did you do?!" he shouted at the Best Friend. "I was beating her!"

"Ha!" I laughed as I thumbed my nose at him. Usually the Best Friend is the grumpy one; it was funny to see Schmoozer irritated as his best friend laughed.

We played this way for a little while, with the Best Friend correcting my moves if I was about to make a colossal mistake.

After I beat Schmoozer, the Best Friend moved opposite of me and set up the table as Schmoozer got us another round of beers.

"I'm not very good at chess," I warned him. "I don't strategize and I can't see anything further out than two moves."

I drained the last of my beer as Schmoozer produced a new can in front of me. "There are sprinters and there are marathoners in life," I continued, heady from spirits. "And I am most definitely a sprinter. I'm more of the philosophy if it feels good, do it. Being short sighted doesn't allow for strategy and plotting."

The double entendre was intentional. The Best Friend laughed.

"Right now I feel like wreaking havoc," I demonstrated. "So I'm taking your bishop!"

Amazingly enough, I won that chess game too.

We piled in the Best Friend's car and headed to the bars. Schmoozer and I wanted to go somewhere cheap, but the Best Friend talked us in to going to the Irish pub, of Statham and Girl from Irish Pub fame. Facebook told me that they were there the previous night.

Schmoozer climbed onto one picnic bench on the patio. I climbed onto the other. The Best Friend stood at the head of the table and weighed his options. He then tried to join Schmoozer.

"Wait! What are you doing?" cried Schmoozer. "If there is a spot next to a girl, you take that one. You don't sit next to another dude."

"But if I sat here, I could look at the girl," he justified.

Girl, party of one, right here.

"No. Just no," argued Schmoozer.

The Best Friend took a seat next to me. "He's just so clueless," sighed Schmoozer.

I looked at Schmoozer, "You know, you could sit on the other side of me. I could be sandwiched!" I giggled.

Schmoozer groaned.

The boys each ordered McSorely's Dark. I'd never had it, but it is served two glasses at a time, which was good enough for me.

"So I've been thinking," I announced. "Do you think when you're 80 and old and crusty, do you think you'll look back on your sex life and be satisfied with or regret the number of people you've slept with? I mean, when you're 80, could there really have been enough randoms?"

"You're just asking this since it's been awhile!" laughed Schmoozer.

"Yes, it's been awhile," I huffed.

"People never think, I should have worked more," he answered.

"But do they think, I should have had less sex?" I asked.

"No," he shook his head.

"That's what I'm thinking. So, to more randoms!" I cheered. We clinked glasses.

I looked over at the Best Friend, who had remained silent during the conversation. "What do you think?"

"I think, if you've found the right person, it won't matter."

Schmoozer and I met each other's glance across the table and held it. I remember feeling the same way as the Best Friend. That finding the one special person will solve all of life's problems. Problem is, I don't feel that way anymore.

Schmoozer was the first to break the stare and bust out laughing.  "Ah, Best Friend," he toasted. "We're just too cynical for you." I snickered.

I thought about the surrounding conversations where we talked about the number of people we've slept with and the relationships we've had. What it comes down to is that the Best Friend is still a baby. Despite him being the oldest of the three of us, he's had the least life experience. He didn't know at which side of the picnic table to sit. He hasn't had the relationships and subsequent destruction. He's untainted.

As I put my first mug of McSorely's down and picked up the second one, I found it endearing. A man in his thirties who's untainted. I didn't know those existed.

And maybe that's what separates the Sprinters from the Marathoners. I often throw myself into things and simply wish for the best. I sleep with men too soon. I can never see more than two steps ahead.

How will you feel about your sex life when you're 80 and old and crusty?


Lpeg said...

I think it depends on whether or not you do end up finding someone special. I don't think you'll ever think "I should've had less sex," because it took you that many people to reach the good one.

On the other hand, if you end up unhappy, married too early, or didn't explore and find out what you want/need, then you may end up thinking that you didn't have enough sex when you were younger.

And if you end up living your life, making yourself happy (not in that way..), then I think the mindset would be - "at least I tried".

I dunno. That's my first thought. I may come back and change my mind :)

Sarah said...

I think "At least I tried" is going to be my new motto. :)

MissLizSarab said...

I can't imagine ever thinking i wish i'd had less sex and i'm not getting any right now either! Good sex and good relationships don't go hand in hand sadly but having had some great sex i at least know i wouldn't settle for average in a long term relationship

Angela said...

I haven't had enough, but I'm also not interested in having sex with randoms. I've always been amazed at how easily others slip out of their clothes.

I don't know. A part of me wishes that I'd let loose a bit when I was younger, and could now, but the other part is still turned off by it.

Gretta James said...

At 80 I'll probably thinkign the exact same thing

"where the fuck is my sex life?"

Simm said...

I think I'll probably be alright with what kind of sex life I had, as I sit and look back. I think my number of randoms have been pretty good and if I find "the one", I will. And if not, then I'll continue having a lot of random sex :)

heisschic said...

i was a bit more lax with that whole 'self-control' thing in college. i wouldnt go so far as to say that i regret any of it (no stds, no pregnancies, no problem?), but those memories do make me cringe. some of those choices were just dumb.

i'd like to think that if i was single now, or when/if i'm single in the future, i'll be smarter about my randoms. yeeup.

treacle said...

This is a very interesting question as it's something I've been thinking about lately (are we psychically connected?).

I'm happy about the number of my partners but I do feel intimidated by some of the stories I've heard about the boyf's escapades. He thinks I'm sweet and innocent in comparison to others of my gender; I think all sorts of other things.

Mostly, I think that whatever I have or haven't done I am doing okay and I am enjoying myself not counting and just experiencing.

Je m'appelle Danielle said...

I believe the best friend is right, and I am quite cynical. More than average I believe. It wouldn't matter how many people I have slept with if I found "the one". However, you can never believe any one person, be it the love of your life, or someone else, can solve your problems. A person outside yourself is never the solution.

I'm probably a marathoner, I know what I want in a man, and if a guy doesn't have it I don't try and make it work, because it never will. There is no "trying" to be in a relationship.

However, I hope that when I am 80 I would have at least found one penis, for richer or for poorer till death do us part... Hahahaha---scary.

J said...

I like the positive spin on this. Let's face it- an upside to being single is that anyone is up for grabs. As much as I whine about wanting to be in a relationship, this type of freedom is a major bonus...and yes I feel like when I am 80 I will think back to these days wistfully and be happy about the sex and such :)

Aritza, Goddess .. said...

Like Angela said, I don't think I've had enough sex (not as much as I would've liked for the first half of my twenties) but I'm also happy I didn't sleep with randoms.

Just hoping to find one good (possibly untainted) guy to have lots of sex with ;)

J said...

I don't think I will ever think that I should have had less sex. I don't regret the number of sex partners I have had or who they were.

That all said I would like to find that one special person but if that means having sex with a few randoms along the way I am ok with that.

Although, I think I am a little cynical now and not actively looking for anyone.

D said...

I don't care about the number, I just want the sex to be good!! I'll take 'at least I tried' too!

freckledk said...

I most definitely plan on being the trollop of the nursing home.

Keep on sprinting, love.

Anonymous said...

I'm guessing you know what I'm thinkin'!



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