~Monday, June 13, 2011

Recipe for Rock Bottom

Re-read this post.

Substitute Hot Douchebag for Nameless Teammate.

Substitute "What I do know about you, I don't like," for some equally offensive and rude remark.

Add an afternoon spent "tasting" at a brewery.

Add ice. Stir.

I had asked for it. I had walked up to him and asked if I offended him. He stammered. I said if I did something, I really wanted to know. So he opened his mouth and said it. The words aren't important—I don't feel like adding the sentiment to the Universe—but it wasn't something I did; he just didn't like me as a person. I was left feeling the same as I did with Hot Douchebag. Punched in the stomach with all the words sucked out of me. I had no retort. When this 40-year-old man said what he did to me, I reacted the same way I did in elementary school. I stared at my shoes and walked away.

What had started as a funk earlier in the week turned into full despair as I returned to my table. Fat, juicy tears slid down my cheeks. The people I were with—the friends I had made—turned and asked me what happened. I told them. They were enraged on my behalf. I couldn't stop the tears. Boys who didn't know me got up from their stools and approached me out of concern. Immediately they told me I was gorgeous as if the rejection I just received was romantic. Someone bought me a shot of Southern Comfort and lime.

As I stood up to take the shot, Nameless Teammate approached my table to greet the remaining people. My new guyfriend purposely spilled his drink on him in retaliation. Words were exchanged. Nameless Teammate left. When I returned, the incident was regaled to me and everyone took turns telling me how Nameless Teammate had offended them in the past. I was not special.

But the telling off was too close in timing to what had already been rolling around in my head: I am not likable. There is now a list of people who don't like me. I haven't been on the receiving end of such open hostility since S.

The tears shortly subsided. A friend took me dancing to my favorite song, spinning me into Nameless Teammate's path and forcing him to leave the bar altogether. How he and I are going to coexist on the same summer team, I don't know yet.

As soon as I was alone though, I crumpled into sobs, gnashing my teeth and wailing at the half-lit moon. I was so profoundly sad. I felt like the man who had said mean things to me confirmed my fears. I am unlikable on even the most basic of levels. He didn't even want to know me. In my apartment I drank myself into oblivion. I fired off a very drunken e-mail to a stranger. And then I crawled in bed and cried myself to sleep.

I slept for 15 hours. I walked the dog to Kroger and bought myself a box of Goobers, ate half of it, and then slept for 12 more hours.

I feel like my heart is broken, yet there is no breakup.

35 comments:

Jenica said...

I'm so sorry. I know how you feel, and know there's nothing I can say or do to make you feel better. Hoping for a brighter tomorrow for you.

NatalieInSydney said...

Chin up, Sarah! You are better than this! Dust yourself off, wipe away those tears, put a pretty dress on and go and do something you love, read a book, watch a movie, treat yourself.
Ignore the haters. They do not know you - they are just projecting their own misery on to others - don't let them win by making you feel like shite. Remember, your best revenge is a life well-lived.

preciousandpriceless said...

i know exactly how you feel. i just keep telling myself it does get better.

preciousandpriceless said...

i know exactly how you feel. i just keep telling myself it does get better.

Breeza said...

I'm so sorry. But those losers are not worth your time or tears. You are so cool! Look at all your friends and fun life. Ugh, what is a 40 year old doing on summer teams? I bet he's single and ugly. Loser.
xox

Je m'appelle Danielle said...

Haters gonna hate.

This is what I tell my friend, and this is my own personal philosophy. If someone doesn't like you, who cares. Who the fuck is that guy and why would his validation or opinion of you affect your life?

A lot of people don't like me, and I don't care, they do not matter at all, they do not affect my life in any way. This is how you need to look at haters. Sure you'll play kickball with him this summer, but don't even give this guy the time of day, obviously if he is rude to others he is not singling you out.

Sophie said...

Oh Sarah that sucks. I've had the same happen to me before and it just makes you feel so crappy. Try and take solace in the fact he is obviously a lousy person - the fact that he's done the same to others proves it. You're far far better than this. Hope you're feeling more like yourself soon - sending a hug to you.

anna said...

I second NatalieInSydney. Chin up, dress up, treat yourself and don't let the bastards get you down!

Kate said...

I'm so sorry! That's incredibly poor timing :(

I've taken so many more platonic than romantic rejections in the last year or so, and I'm convinced they hurt worse.

That said, everyone else seems to like you and they all sound like great people, so I think you should go with the majority there. You just have to believe in yourself!

MissLizSarab said...

Generally people don't like me but i know thats because i'm blunt and opinionated and not easy to get along with. The good thing is that real friends get past initial things like that and work on getting to know the real you.

That's who our REAL friends are. Being not loved by everyone is ok as long as we have good friends by our sides

Dawn said...

NatalieInSydney said that the guy is projecting. Natalie is right.

About 15 years ago, someone said something to me that was so profound that it stuck with me all of these years:

"You can only [think that you] see in someone else what you already have in yourself."

What he's seeing -- or thinking that he's seeing -- in you isn't necessarily there. But it's DEFINITELY there in HIM.

Lpeg said...

Like I told you yesterday, he is completely immature. And so self conscious. And he sees how outgoing and fun you are and he resents you for that.

You are amazing. And fun, and smart, and funny. Don't let him get you down. For some reason, in your efforts to get out there and meet new people, you have run into a group of incredibly immature guys.

Have faith. This new group of friends hold promise. xx.

Bathwater said...

Ahh Sarah, you are just a little worn out by the world. After a littler rest you will be back on top and you will not give a damn what these guys think.

Imagine yourself in the relationship you want to be in, now imagine coming across one of those guys... would it matter? Probably not.

freckledk said...

Let's switch this around and focus on the people who DO like you, who DO love you. A look on the bright side may have you realizing that your haters are in the minority and barely worth a moment's thought. I know that it's sometimes hard to focus on the good things, but the good really does outweigh the bad. YOU ARE LOVED.

Erin said...

I'm sorry that this is affecting you so profoundly. We never know what is going to hurt us in what way, but keep telling yourself that these two guys' opinions don't matter. Two guys do not make a list of people that don't like you. It makes two guys who don't know you are are probably intimidated by you. Could these two guys be insecure? Could they not like strong and assertive women? I've had men not like me because I swore, spoke my mind, etc... You'd think it was 2011 and a man your own age (approximately) would be more open minded, but some aren't. Don't let these jerkoffs get you down. You have lots of friends who like you and actually KNOW you.

4 Canadian Chicks In Law School said...

Oh Sarah,

You need to stop all this inward self-immolation and start realizing how awesome you are. Why let the judgment one human being inform your own opinions of yourself. You need to sit down and make a list of all your amazing qualities and tape it to the mirror and then read it EVERY DAY. This man likely has issues of his own and this type of passive-aggressive behavior on his part is very likely rooted in his own self-hatred. He's to be pitied really. Sometimes we just need a good cry. The chemicals and feel-better hormones it produces can actually be quite spiritually cleansing. This is a hard lesson for sure. Like my dear old Aunt used to say (and she was a Zen Buddhist) ...she used to say ... "what other people think of you is none of your business. Keep your side of the street clean and hold your head high." Then she would go on about how the anxiety is rooted in ego and wanting to be liked which is a very, very human need. But you MUST let this go. The pity of others has a short shelf-life. We all want to be loved and acknowledged. Surround yourself with those that feed your soul and watch out for the snakes cuz there's lots more where he came from! Affirm yourself, girl, in all your goodness and live your life and have a great summer. You have SO much to grateful for and so much to get busy doing. DO NOT waste one more ounce on this loser. He doesn't deserve the consideration nor the energy nor the toe-jam from your foot after hot sweaty run! xoxoxoxoxxo

PS. I also want you to Google a poem by Oriah Mountain Dreamer called The Invitation and READ IT! A lot. xoxoxox *hugs*

j said...

Like all the others have said, you are amazing, beautiful, and clever. You need to focus on that and not on what two insignificant guys have said. It is hard to do but if there is anyone out there that can pull through it is you. Hugs.

DES said...

Here's the secret: let go of the idea that you can control how people feel about you. Once you do that...the world is yours.

It's difficult to do, but once I gave up trying to control how other people feel it was awesome.

I can now say with 100% confidence that I don't care if people like me or not. I like me and that's the most important thing.

Stop trying to please everyone and be yourself. You'll have more fun.

Red Stethoscope said...

Oh, honey. I hope the universe cuts you a break soon, because the timing on this was just not good at all! At least the reaction of your new friends shows that truly, the problem is with Nameless Teammate and not you. Also, the fact that so many people rallied to your defense spilling drinks, spinning you, and forcing him out of the bar, shows how adored you are. Focus on all of those people versus one of him. Then, sucker punch the universe the next time you get a chance, because ENOUGH already!

Jenn said...

Sarah, I love your stuff. A therapist once said to me years ago, that I seek approval from men. And it led to me thinking that maybe I am basing my self-worth on the opinions of guys. That little tidbit has stuck with me all these years. Maybe this is something to consider. One other thing I do when faced with a jerk is, as I am walking away from them, I smirk and laugh in my head and think about how pathetic that person is. It took practice, but I find the action of doing that, has helped.
I think you rock! And I think you really do have alot going for you. Who needs jerks anyway? Not you!

Anonymous said...

1) Remember all those who do love and appreciate you & be thankful for them everyday.
2) Stop with the pity party. It's unbecoming, pointless, & a huge turn off.
3) Make a list of everything you have to be thankful for & all of your positive traits & read it everyday. Several times.
4) When you run across folks who don't like you, simply smile, say "Why, thank you," and walk away reciting that list over & over until you remember that you always have a choice to be the better person.
5) Lastly, wake up every morning and tell yourself that today is a brand new day with no mistakes in it.
Cebene
GA

Me said...

Fuck 'em.

For real.

Be yourself. Focus on all the people in your life who clearly thing you are wonderful, the rest can go get lost.

Maura said...

You are the shit. That is all.

J said...

I know others have said this already, but I know exactly how you feel. It's tough, no denying that. Hang in there, and remember that you are awesome and it will get better.

Sarah said...

Thank you, everyone. I'm feeling much better today. It was just a really low low and I'm climbing back from it.

Anonymous said...

I know I'm only an anonymous reader, and I know there are already SO MANY great comments before mine, but I want to add to the crowd that says0 'don't let how others think change how you feel'.

I've been there before. That feeling where what they said resonates inside your head over and over and over without fail. Time will make the voice quieter and you, yourself, will make it weaker.

I'm sure there are people that you think are less than stellar(as we all do), but you don't go around telling it to their face, because you are a civilized human being.

This "boy" is obviously just that. An immature, self conscious, attention seeking child. He doesn't deserve a second of your thoughts.

imasugarjunkie said...

That is so crap! I think we have all been there and had people who dont like us for no good reason. You know what - that isn't about you - it is about them! You have friends, SO many other people like you and that was shown to you by their reaction to his comment. If they agreed at all with it, they wouldn't have gone out of their way to make his life uncomfortable. I know it sucks right now, but keep your sense of humour and focus on doing things that you know make you happy.

jo said...

aww hun, i don't even know what to say. i can only imagine how very horrible this must all feel. i'm positive that there are friends who like, heck even love, you. we all have people who don't like us. you just unfortunately met 2 people in a short amount of time.

Anonymous said...

Sarah,

It hurts, I know. But not everyone will like you. We are not all alike. The guy sounds like an idiot though. Just a fact of life. Why care about what this idiot thinks? Idiots are called idiots for a reason. It sounds like the rest of the group has a low opinion of him as well. Hugs.

Scrumps said...

We don't like everyone we meet. The world's got to balance somehow so it's inevitable there will those that don't like us.

But like people have said - don't let them get you down. We are all allowed to have off days.

To use a London urban term - "Allow it!". (check it out on urban dictionary!)

Haters are not worth the time.

D said...

You feel broken now. I've been there again and again. You'll build yourself back up! You can't be friends with everyone. Just think of the people in your life who do love you and you feel their love.
And then watch Coyote Ugly. You'll feel better soon.

dcjaime said...

Things will get better. Some people truly are just douchebags, and are tactless and lame and not worth a second of your time. However, I know it's hard to not "hear" those things, especially when you're already feeling a bit low. I'm glad your teammates stood up for you and made taht jackass feel like a jackass.

Angela said...

I'm glad that you're feeling better. I wish that it wasn't so hard to overlook the few, but nasty people, when there are so many good ones around, but I know how they can catch just the wrong moment to sink those fangs in.

Charlotte said...

I'm so sorry you feel this way, but if there's one thing I have learned about you from following your blog it's that you're resilient and always hopeful and looking for the best in people. I think that's why I identify with you so much.

Don't let this loser get you down. You have so much to offer--to someone deserving of you. XOXO

Anonymous said...

*ghus*

I left that typo in to hopefully give you a smile!

*hugs*

The negative experiences aside, maybe you've been on such a fast paced rush for quite a while and now your body is trying to get you to balance out. I feel like I've been through these similar experiences, and they definitely fade into nothing in due time.

Love!
-dont

 

© 2005 - 2013 He Loves Me Not
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution - Noncommercial - Share Alike 3.0 United States License.

template by suckmylolly.com