~Tuesday, August 16, 2011

The Truth about Schmoozer

After a night out, Schmoozer's BF and I were sitting in his darkened car in his driveway. I had set him up with a girlfriend of mine from kickball and he had been giving me a play by play of the progression of the relationship. He states quite often that he isn't a good conversationalist and that he's awkward around women, but tonight, in his car, he's doing just fine. We talk easily. He confides things in me that he doesn't tell Schmoozer. People often scold me for introducing him as Schmoozer's friend, saying it's time for me to call him my friend. He is.

He retold me a story he had told me the previous day about a date with my friend. Maybe this is what he meant about not being a good conversationalist. Either way he obviously needs to talk about it so I sit quietly in his passenger seat and listen to the story for the second time, nodding and murmuring at the appropriate places.

He relaxed and leaned against the headrest, letting a sigh escape. He turned his head and looked at me, "You know you're worth more right? Your worth more than what you project."

I've taken a self-depricating, matter-of-fact approach to men lately. There  aren't any and I'm not looking. The girl who is always good for a dating story has none. People ask me for updates and I shrug. I'm shocked with how accepting I've been about it. I'm tired. I want someone to text goodnight to. I want someone to make sure I get home from the bars safely. I don't want to deal with a lot of mediocre dates and set-ups to get there.

"You sell yourself short with guys. You deserve $100 dinners instead of spending your first dates getting non-commital drinks," he continued. He spoke kindly, like a big brother would.

He chuckled at himself, deep in thought. "You know what Schmoozer's standard first date is? Beer and darts, and he splits the bill."

I furrowed my brow in the dark car. This seemed familiar to me. Why did this seem familiar to me?

Beer and darts.

It was what he proposed the first night we ever hung out. It was a date. I was right and wrong about that night all at the same time. We went out and seemingly had an easy time. He said my friend was cute and I was horrifed. We split the bill and I was even more horrifed. He unbuckled his seat belt to walk me to my door, but my own insecurities and fear of rejection had me dashing out of that car like my hair was on fire. And then to overcompensate, I placed him in the far depths of the friend zone.

By not paying for my two drinks, I didn't know his intentions. It set the basis for our entire friendship.

Let that be a lesson in manners.


treacle said...

Hmmm... and how do you feel about it?

Gretta James said...

how on earth were you suppose to know beer and darts was a date?

It was the same with my ex. He invited himself to my place to watch the rugby, drink beer and eat pizza. Is was what I had planned for my day and he invited himself to join me then when we did get together he said "remember that date at your place with the pizza and rugby" I was like "In your eyes THAT was a date?? What the fuck???"


Darts and beer - no way is that a proper date if schmoozer thought it was I can tell you now you deserve betterr

Northern Lass said...

And yet everything happens for a reason...at least I think it does :)

Angela said...

So, you both thought the other one didn't like you? (He, backing off because you fled out of the car?)

If I had been out with a man, and he commented on a friend of mine being "the pretty one," I would have been horrified, too. Maybe that is my insecurities showing, but it's just impolite, and I couldn't imagine someone who was seriously interested in me, commenting on the looks of another woman.

jo said...

seriously with how that particular beer and darts "date" went, how was anyone supposed to know it was a date?

but what you said in your last sentence is so true though. the bf did not pay for me on our supposed first date and 'coz of that i never thought it was a date or not he was interested and in my mind he became a friend. it took months for me to realise that he was interested ('coz at least he stuck around that long) and for me to start to think of him as more than just a friend. he should have just paid for our first date coffee.

freckledk said...

I think that, even if it was initially an incorrect assumption on your part, y'all are better off as friends.

nuttycow said...

Beer and darts? No, not a date. Beer and rugby - possibly (this is evidently my English-ness coming out here). But only if he made it clear that it was a date, not just hanging out.

I'd only allow that behaviour once though. After that, I'd expect a *proper* date.

I'm with you though on the whole not wanting shit dating anymore. I want to skip all that and just get to the good bit :)

a.k.a temptress said...

Beer and darts is definitely not a date. Seems like friends from the get go.

Beautiful but Grumpy said...

Good writing. I agree with Northern Lass - things happen for a reason...
BbG x

J said...

Schmoozer is starting to confuse me. What girl would think splitting the bill after beer and darts is a date?

It kinda sounds to me like Schmoozer has a very narrow minded view of what it means to be a partner to someone- that he puts limits on what he is willing to give. Sounds like it would be kinda terrible to be on the receiving end of that.

Bathwater said...

What have I been telling you all along Schmoozer is awkward but he DOES have feeling for you!

Bathwater said...

Now what are you going to do!

Anonymous said...

*sigh* men.

K said...

My husband and I went dutch on our first two dates. I figured he just wanted to be friends and fast forward to now (4yrs later) we've been married for over a year and our expecting our first child. All this to say is how a first date goes does not necessarily mean it's automatically a friend zone. Sometimes guys are just clueless.....they really are.

Anonymous said...

Somehow, this doesn't surprise me that it was actually a date...as K stated men can be clueless and I honestly think Schmoozer is a lot of the time. I'm also beginning to wonder how Best Friend also feels about you.

Charlotte said...

I wouldn't have assumed that was a date either. I know all guys are different, but I dunno... if you like the gal, at least impress her by picking up the drink tab!


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