~Thursday, September 08, 2011

Ugly Duckling

Schmoozer's best friend dropped by my office to hand me some much needed pain medicine on my last day at work before leaving the country. Only he wouldn't touch me because I'm sick. As we sat outside at the picnic table, he put the pills on a napkin and slid them toward me. I was only allowed to touch the napkin after he let go. I am one step closer in realizing my destiny alone.

(Ed note: I was diagnosed with walking pneumonia and two rounds of antibiotics later, I still have a dragging cough. It's been a bit like 28 Days Later regarding the number of people I have infected. I'm a bit proud of that statistic, taking down everyone in my path.)

"Promise you won't tell Schmoozer?" he begins.

I shrug.

And then he tells me a story. The story itself is not worth recapping, but what I learned from it is that Schmoozer lied about this. And to be honest, I was beginning to question the truth to that. In one of the best friend's pep talks to me, he called me "a pretty girl" which directly contradicts what Schmoozer led me to believe.

Schmoozer has been cock blocking me for months. And every time he cock blocks me, he makes me think that the problem is me because I'm not pretty enough. It was all barefaced lies.

When he was with Katie, we had discussed me being set up with the best friend. I had repeated what I thought was the truth—that I wasn't attractive—and Katie turned and faced Schmoozer.

"Is this true?" she asked.

He shrugged.

"You shouldn't have told her that. It's too harsh," she said. Katie looked at me, "Schmoozer is brutally honest and I get on him about that."

"Sometimes you say what you got to say to get the job done," he replied.

I always thought that was a weird way for him to phrase it. To chalk up telling me I wasn't pretty enough as a means to an end. And as I think about that statement knowing what I know now, saying things for the purpose "of getting the job done" takes a different meaning.

My eyes stung at the picnic table. I couldn't hide the disappointment that my friend would voluntarily lead me to believe that I am anything less than what I am. Friends are supposed to build you up, not tear you down. I had told the best friend what Schmoozer had been telling me all these months, [Insert Name Here because there have been multiples of this] isn't attracted to you.

"My, he's a gentleman," said the best friend.

I scoffed.

"He told me he was lying to you because he was protecting you," he tried to reason.

"How is making me believe I'm ugly protecting me?" I quietly asked.

Now it was his turn to shrug.


J said...

It sounds to me like he's reserving you for himself. He wants the option of dating you to stay on the table.

Or maybe there's some other reason, but I just can't understand why else someone who is supposedly your friend would say such intentionally hurtful things.

Either way- between this and the story you told about the whole "having manners" thing, Schmoozer is starting to sound like a real jackass. Disappointing.

bluemoon said...

I agree, it's some weird way of keeping you for himself even if he's not willing to own up to wanting to date you. It's not cool either way, you can't claim someone if you're not going to do anything about it. I'd definately take everything he says with a HUGE grain of salt anymore.

treacle said...

That's pretty nasty. I'm sorry that you were treated that way...and if I were him, I would dodge what's coming!

Bathwater said...

Why would Schmoozer lie if he wasn't interested in you himself! Haven't I been saying THIS all along!

Nicole C. said...

Schmoozer needs a swift kick in the ass. And maybe the teeth.

Anonymous said...

I'm confused...If he was "trying to protect you", why would he try to set you up with his best friend and then lie? While it's a flimsy excuse(at best) for the others, it seems odd he would create that scenario with his best friend in the first place. It is starting to look like perhaps he wants to reserve you without being in a relationship. Either way, not something a good friend should be doing. You are a grown woman, capable of making your own decisions--who is he to say what is right or wrong for you?

Lpeg said...

I'm becoming more and more disappointed in Schmoozer. Maybe the name was aptly suited for him.

I'm sorry hun. And out of curiosity, would there be any future with the best friend?

Sarah said...

Ugh, I don't know. I don't know why he did it. Maybe he's just a clueless boy who doesn't understand the ramifications of telling a girl she isn't pretty enough.

Nope, no chance with the best friend. I had set him up with one of my friends and they are dating now.

Denise said...

I have to agree with everyone else....I still think Schmoozer wants you for himself, or at least doesn't want to share you with anyone else.

BTW, me thinks Schmoozer needs a label on your posts....

j said...

He has liked you from the start but was never willing to admit it or didn't know what to do about it. It is really disappointing to find this stuff out about your friends.

I do like best friend though...I think he needs his own name now.

preciousandpriceless said...

holy crap.
what a crappy friend.

laniebelluz said...

Friends say "You're not his/her type" and describe someone opposite of you - their friend. Friends do not say "You're not pretty enough." There's a difference.

Syd said...

Wow, what d-bag behavior. Yeah, I feel like he wanted to make sure you didn't start dating anyone else, so he cockblocked.

But um..does he think this is somehow endearing behavior? Like you're going to look at him and just be flattered that he insulted you to keep you off the market?


LLandL said...

Wow. Just, wow.

It seems like he's using the fact that you trust him as a friend to manipulate you.

Huh, and I thought only mean girls put each other down to get ahead. Starting to look like a FRENEMY situation.

MissM said...

I reposted something from The Onion on twitter that is DESCRIBING HIM EXACTLY.

I suddenly do not like him.

Angela said...

How horrible. I thought he was doing something like that. I had a certain guy flat out tell me that I was never going to find someone who loved only me, when I was still at my lowest, and he seemed to be trying to drive me crazy. He wasn't happy in his own life, and I'd just rejected him over something (I wouldn't have rejected him before he changed in a startling manner).

I loathe it when they do this. I remember a couple of people posting that he was 'negging' you when you mentioned his lack of manners. Taking pot-shots at your self-esteem, so that you won't feel so attractive and either latch on to him, or at least not be so confident as to happily be yourself and attract someone worthy of you.

Je m'appelle Danielle said...

Schmoozer wants you for himself, he is trying to put you on the bench for when he really needs you. Like before he moves to another city and wants to try and F someone. Or the control freak thinking of "If I can't have her, no one can!"

Based on what you have written I have thought the best friend is interested in you, but I wonder what Schmoozer has said to him to keep him from making any type of move on you. Thats the kick to the face my dear.

Lilly said...

That was my first thought too after reading this: He's lying to keep you off the market, to keep you available because he likes you. And to see that everyone else thought the same...

But yeah, that's not flattering at all. That's crappy behavior, especially from someone you consider to be a friend.

I don't like him either. (In case you're tallying.)

Dating Girl said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Dating Girl said...

I love reading your blog, because you come off as someone I want to be. Someone confident and proud to be who she is. Schmoozer doesn't deserve YOU. You might have doubts about your "worth", but you truly are a confident woman. Forget Schmoozer. you deserve better

Lilly said...

Oh. And tell that Sch..loozer that you're in the BMJ club and he doesn't know what he's talking about!

Just now made that up. It's referencing one of my theme songs but imma let you use it:

Gretta James said...

It sounds a bit like this to me..

He doesn't want you but nor does he want anyone else to have you.

Men can be selfish pricks like htat.


MissM said...

Question, though.

I read the post you referenced and what I don't see is the words 'you are not pretty enough' come out of his mouth. Unless you're masking that for the sake of story telling, what I see is you saying it and him not arguing... which is kind of the same as saying it but not. In his mind, he's going to think he never said that. He just didn't argue when you said it.

We already know how this might turn out..."Sarah I never said you weren't pretty enough, just that [named guys] weren't attracted to you." Which, in a male mind, might mean a number of things.

I guess I am asking... did he really say the words or are you taking the fact that he doesn't argue when you say it and he dances around the topic as confirmation that he wants you to think you're not attractive to other men?

I'm not accusing at all but I want my dislike to be clear and purposed and not muddled by "Well technically he never said...."

Emma said...

That's awful. You are absolutely right: Friends should build you up, not tear you down. I don't know why Schmoozer is doing this (and we can make all kinds of guesses - some more obvious than others but truth is, we will never know) but at a friendship level, he is failing you.

The question is whether you will confront him or not on it...

Scrumps said...

Crap it didn't work first time around. Schmoozer is not bf material but now he doesn't even sound like friend material. Whether he actually said it or not, his response should have been "you're beautiful and anyone that doesn't think that doesn't deserve you."!

Anonymous said...

Why are you such a jackass magnet? Or are there truly no decent men around?

Paige Jennifer said...

Around 30 I had a realization that almost all of my guy friends would not only never set me up with their friends, they'd never even comingle us. Like, I'd put together a group of people and they were always invited but I was also always curiously left out of their social gatherings with friends. Instead of trying to figure it out, I cut them all loose.

But what you've got going on? Yeah, that's even more bullshittier. Friends don't shit on other friends.


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