At a football tailgate, a girlfriend from out of town asked how I met Abraham. I skipped all the boring details and went right to the punchline. I am nothing if not a good story teller. She shuddered. She laughed.
Government Mule was sitting in front of us, eavesdropping. He turned around. "You need to aim higher," he said.
"Excuse me?"
"How low are this guy's standards to be with a girl who did that? You need to be with someone who wouldn't put up with that."
"You mean, put up with me," I said slowly.
I was stunned. Government Mule had cut me off at the knees. In a very roundabout way I was able to vaguely acknowledge his point: perhaps he thought the guy was preying on a drunk woman.
However, I couldn't separate my actions from me. I mean, if there were a kingdom called Get Drunk and Do Stupid Shit, I would be queen. Government Mule knows this. He also knows that there is more depth to me outside of the occasional bad decision.
To me, his statement smacked of Anyone who wants to be with you has low standards. It felt devastating. Abraham knew me as well. Prior to me dying in his bathroom, Abraham spent months talking to me at the bar. He didn’t know me well at the time, but he at least knew this wasn't weekly behavior.
And because I couldn’t separate my actions from me, I couldn’t separate whatever Government Mule meant by his statement. I felt worthless in a single sentence: a guy who likes me isn’t good enough, because he likes me.
11:24 AM
3 weeks ago
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15 comments:
what he said is only true if you accept it. his comment was insensitive and designed to do exactly what it did. reject it. reject the idea. reject the statement. reject the sentiment. you know that it is not true.
i came across this article and it really shed some light on my past and current relationships. the other articles by this author are worth a read as well:
http://thecurrentconscience.com/blog/2011/09/12/a-message-to-women-from-a-man-you-are-not-%E2%80%9Ccrazy%E2%80%9D/
cheers!
What if you exhibited the same behaviour if you had the flu? You weren't the only one drinking heavily.
Governmuent mule really is living up to his name.
I think you are taking it too seriously.
I'm sure Government Mule didn't mean it the way it came across though I understand your interpretation and would probably have assumed the same. I think this is just a good example of foot-in-mouth syndrome.
How many times have people met at social engagements where drinking is involved? I don't think he should rush to the conclusion that he was preying on you just BECAUSE of your state. It sounds to me that Abraham really likes you and that's really all that matters in the end.
Jealous much? I get what he is saying, if the shoe was on the opposite foot, would you have handled the situation with the same finesse that Abraham handled it?
People make mistakes, the bottom line is that he liked you, flawed and mistake making and all. Or despite your reign as queen.
Are you supposed to be perfect and fake to catch a man? Keep it real ladybird.
I think that the point GM is CLEARLY missing is the point you made - Abraham had seen your behavior over time and knew you not to be the girl who gets trashed regularly. Otherwise, he would have not invested the time he has spent being with you. Where GM is most definitely wrong is that one action does not comprise a person's life. If a person gets drunk and sloppy that does not make him/her a lesser person or not worthy of a quality relationship. I am really, truly against the idea that people belong to status groups that define if one is better than another in relationships. While it may be true that people usually fall into categories, it is NEVER the absolute case and it SHOULDN'T matter to those in the relationship. As Anna said, you know that GM's comment is not true. You know you are not that girl, despite any recurrence of drunken behavior. Take it from me, the girl who was nearly always drunk and disorderly. I found my "Abraham" who took care of me the first night when I was all sloppy and a mess and we've been together ever since. We've both got wonderful qualities and some negative ones that makes us perfect for each other - we balance each other. As long as you and Abraham are balanced, GM should stick his head up his namesake and keep his derogatory comments to himself - even if he didn't mean them to be so harsh. Bottom line - you are worthy and worthwhile and no one instance can take that from you.
I would try not to take GM's words to heart. Obviously, Abraham really loves you and if you were just quick, drunken ass, he would have taken advantage of that and been gone by now. He liked you enough to stick around, in spite of a crazy beginning.
That's absolutely absurd; people are not defined by one-offs. Stuff happens, life gets messy sometimes and I sure wouldn't want to be with anyone who didn't understand that and have the ability to see through the mess here and there to find the positive side of things. I also wouldn't want to be with anyone who was never, ever a hot mess. Imperfections make people perfect.
oh my god, that is lame. you are young and having fun and some people take life entirely too seriously - sounds like GM is one of those people. you're doing just fine. keep on living lady!
Wow what an ass. Like Danielle said he is jealous. Everything that you have written about Abe has proven that he is not just about preying on drunk girls.
Girl...don't waste another moment thinking about Gov. Mule. You seem happy with what you have found in Abraham and he certainly seems happy with you. Relish that. For lack of better words, "if a guy can't handle you at your worst, he doesn't deserve you at your best."
Hey girl,
This would have hurt me as well. WTF? I have no idea why he said what he said. I am a true tabloid whore. I think about the time that JA said Brad Pitt is missing a sensitivity chip. Guys are freaking clueless. Do you think GM likes you, and that is why he shoots down any guy that may like you? Hell, I don't know. Happy Holidays girl! I love your writing, and don't let someone's shitty comments keep you down. You are a good person.
Sarah - do not let this one comment define everything. Because regardless of what GM said, the fact that Abe is with you regardless of how you met or what happened is testament to how much of a nice guy he is. It doesn't mean he has low standards at all. It means that he is a good human being to be able to see past all the shit. Screw what people say ok - haters are going to be haters regardless.
Sometimes male friends say the absolute worst, most hurtful things. Because they are fucking idiots when it comes to that stuff. Try not to take it to heart!
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