~Friday, January 13, 2012

Male Delivery: Dr. Kodiak A'd Your Q's

When you sit in a chair, where do your balls go?

Depends on the guy. A friend of mine with a 3-year old swears up and down that letting his balls sit "under" his legs has saved him from the kid stepping on them many times. He has skinny legs. I have giant legs. There is literally no room for anything directly between (or under) my legs when I sit comfortably (when sexing, I make room *winky face*). So when I sit, my balls sit kind of on-top of my legs. If I was sitting casually, and you walked up and punched me where you thought my balls would be, you'd hit me exactly in them. So please don't.

I've got a lot of guy friends. And that's great. Except I think that in being the girl that guys are friends with, I've somehow lost the ability to be the girl guys are interested in. What does a girl do to be the girlfriend instead of the girl friend?

...I assume you to mean that your normal group of friends to hang out with is like, 5 guys and you. And what you have is a slippery slope. If you started dating one of the guys in the group, it could go well, and everyone could be happy for you! Or, (More likely) it could cause the "why him and not me?" path to the destruction of the group via guy-fight. If you're serious about dating one of them, you have to be absolutely ok with losing the rest of them. If you're ok with that, you need to do something to remind the guy of your affection that despite being a cool like a boy, you're even cooler in some boycuts! (bad analogy). Start doing things to let him know you're interested--initiate physical contact, start doing things with him that you don't do with the others. But like I said, if the group is tight, you risk breaking it up.

I have been with the same man for 8 years. When we first started dating, we would hang out with his best friend. I would engage in conversation with his friend, and always would include my boyfriend. He would get furious that I talked to his friend. For Christ sakes, we are all sitting at the same table in a bar. No, he does not beat me, or is abusive. Just extremely jealous. So, today, I went to Applebees (yes, I have high brow tastes, mostly, I like their skinny bee drinks) ordered lunch, and as I was sipping my drink, and reading a book on my kindle his best friend walked up to my table to say hi to me and to introduce his girlfriend. They invited us to come to a party tonight at their home. I asked the friend where they lived. He looked at me and asked “Are you serious”. I said yes I was, and had no idea. He told me where he and his girlfriend lives, and it is less than a mile from us. I said, “Well, tell my boyfriend, and we will come” He said, “I already did”.

So, I called the boyfriend on my cell as I was doing some grocery shopping. I told him that I ran into his best friend and his new girlfriend. He said something like “Oh, really?” and got all shitty on me.

Before today, I had not seen his friend in three years. And by saying seeing, just running into around town.

I am not attracted to his best friend, never have been. I am no sex goddess, so I do not understand why he is so jealous over his best friend. My theory is that this friend may have encroached on his territory before, so he does not trust him. Or, maybe he does not trust me….But I have never cheated or given him a reason to doubt me.

...I beg to differ with the big about "No he does not beat me, or is abusive". Extreme jealousy can be abusive, when it leads to isolation and him controlling who you are friends with. Having said that, there might be something to justify this behaviour. Maybe he dated a Sheila who cheated on him with said friend. Maybe he really doesn't like the guy and is trying to slowly cut him out of his life. Or maybe your boyfriend of 8 years is the worst kind of asshole. The fact that you haven't just asked him about it, straight out tells me he's probably just an asshole, and you're scared of the response you'll get. If you were one of my friends ('were' in the past tense, because I doubt this guy would let you be friends with guys he doesn't know, either), I'd have long ago told you to dump the prick. Harsh?

How do you know if a man likes you or is just being polite? There are three men I currently know who are giving me what I think are "vibes" but I honestly have no way of knowing if they're being nice, or they like me; a fourth one, I met at a party for my brother. He made a point of sitting next to me at the party, and when we were all leaving, he was standing behind me faintly stroking the back of my arm. Why would he do that? Does he like me?

...while guys can be accused of sending fake signals (or being jerks and sending legit ones they don't mean), I don't know any guy who would feintly stroke the arm of a girl they weren't interested in. As for WHAT he's interested, I cannot tell you. You'll have to chase that beagle on your own. Therein lies the fun of dating!

How do I let someone know I like them back without being weird about it?

...just be upfront! Ask them if they'd like to go for a drink/coffee some time, while out there, steer the conversation in that direction. Some will say there's less magic that way, but look at it like "there will be less wondering/drama/bullshit" and it seems like a better idea.

What are characteristic that led one to become a one night stand versus forever///Is a girls reputation a determine factor when moving forward even if she fabulous otherwise.....Do men not commit because they ultimately feel the grass is greener on the other side...like why pick meatloaf when filet migon make walk around the corner??

..I'm a big fan of Meatloaf, both the dish and the Rock God. So don't think Meatloaf is a something to be slandered! Reputations last a long time, but they're only really awful when they're accurate. When they're old and no longer accurate, they tend to shrink away. The key is confidence: if you're a confident woman who respects herself and knows her worth, others will reciprocate. While a guy might go out with a girl who has an 'easy' reputation, there are things you can do to prevent a 'hit it and quit it' situation: for one, if you suspect he's just out with you for easy sex, don't have sex on the first date. Or the second date. Make him earn it. We really don't mind. I, for one, would rather earn it.

While there are guys who are always looking for the next hot thing to come along, they're ultimately the losers who end up waiting for the party that never happens. Cut your losses, move on.

*Dr. Kodiak is not a real doctor, but he will play doctor with you. Send your anonymous questions to desperatesarah@gmail.com.


Dave said...


Charlotte said...

I love this segment! And the question about always being a girl friend as opposed to girlfriend resonated with me. I have encountered this problem so many times over the years and never really once considered it could be because it may cause a major rift among friends.

Interesting food for thought!

Anonymous said...

What happened to Schmoozer?


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