Dutch Uncle

Filling out the intake forms when I started therapy was scary. The questionnaire instructed that I circle the symptoms that I identified with: anxious, depressed, suicidal, etc. Yes, yes, no, etc.

I don't know what I expected from therapy. Actually, I do know what I expected: I thought it was going to be like Felicity visiting stinky Dr. Pavone. Dr. Pavone asked thought-provoking questions and enlightened Felicity about all of these unknown aspects about her. I thought I too was going to be enlightened with revelation after revelation. Who is in my drawer?

That's not what happened. I explained to my new therapist the circumstances that brought me to her microfiber love seat. And this is what she did: she told me I was normal.

"You were reacting normally to an abnormal situation," she kept repeating.

When I sat in her love seat, I was broken and timid. I didn't know which direction was up. And instead of telling me where up was, she let me find it on my own and encouraged every decision I made. Her support helped me learn to trust myself. That's all she did: support me. I didn't have any revelations other than I have a pretty good head on my shoulders, and it's time I start trusting it.

This had been a stark contrast from the way I had been living. Not to be all poor little rich girl, but I had an absent father and a very overbearing mother growing up. I didn't make a single decision until I was 18 and living away from home for the first time. Everything had been dictated to me. And the times I did try to express myself, I was told my feelings and thoughts were wrong.

It's always been this way. I think parents tell you what to do because they know best. I think some boyfriends tell you what to do because they are controlling. I think friends tell you what to do because they want to help.

I never had a space where I could simply breathe. I wish I could articulate exactly how refreshing it felt. I want everyone to feel this way: normal. Flawed, but acceptable.

My therapist's support was such an uplifting experience for me that I realized this was how I wanted to conduct myself in my relationships. That’s the person I want to be. I don't want to tell my friends what they should do, and it seems like a waste to get emotionally invested in their decisions that have nothing to do with me. People aren't going to heed advice they aren't ready for anyway. They have to come to those terms on their own.