~Tuesday, June 26, 2012

I Love You

"I love you."

This wasn't how I planned it.

I had planned it so that we would be away at the beach for the weekend. It would be our first solo weekend away. And I would take him to the dock at night to look at the stars, and I would turn around and face him and tell him that I love him. He would, of course, tell me he loved me back and we would kiss passionately.

But then I began thinking. Although stargazing is fantastic at the beach house, the reason that it's so great is because it's so dark out. As in, I wouldn't be able to see his face. I could shine a flashlight at him, but, well, that feels like an interrogation.

We had just finished having dinner at one of my favorite restaurants on the water. Abe had burned himself on the jalapeno poppers. We were unwashed for dinner because the electricity was out on the island. Someone reported a tree hit a power line, and we had been without air conditioning and me without a flat iron. So we sat on the dock in our sticky sweat and watched the sun set. The Femme Fatale had barfed about 10 minutes ago. The second time that day.

The sunset was beautiful. Orange and pink had taken over the sky as the sun disappeared behind a neighboring island. It was now dusk. Pinks turned into purples turned into the navy blue of night.

I could do it now, I thought. It's what I came here to do, and I can still see him.

"I love you."

Abraham gasped in surprise. "You said it."

"I did."

He leaned forward and spoke very clinically, very logically. "What have to have a short chat."

Oh no.

"I've never said those words to a girl. How do you know if you love someone?"

I didn't have an answer. As of the retelling, I have all sorts of funny, quip-py responses, but in the moment I was dumbstruck. I was in an extremely vulnerable place emotionally, and I did not expect to have to explain myself.

"Because I think it to myself about 20 times a day."

"That you love yourself?"

"No, that I love you," I shrugged.

He kissed my forehead in response. The dog howled. "You're ruining our moment," he told her.

"I wish I could explain it better, but it's just something that I know. It's a blind faith."

"Then I probably love you too."

"Have you not thought about it?" I asked.

"Not really."

I looked away in embarrassment. Maybe I made up the Morse code and saw what I wanted in it. Maybe I projected my feelings onto him.

Abraham corrected himself. "No, I knew this was coming."

It took Abraham about three minutes to go through the stages of acceptance.

"If I was a betting man, I would say yes," he added a minute later.

Then he lifted a finger to my cheek and titled my head toward him. "I love you too."

I had been listening to him search himself for the last few minutes. Until the final "I love you too," he had been speaking mostly to himself, or at least as if I hadn't been there.

"You don't have to say it back if you're not ready."

"No, I know you. I know that would kill you."

I looked over his shoulder and gasped. "Abraham, look!"

Behind us shone the lights from the backs of the houses. Power had been restored after a 5-hour blackout.

"I'm going to take that as a sign." He stood up and pulled me with him and kissed me. "You're my first love," he said.

He loves me.


Breeza said...

What a beautiful moment. Sorry it wasn't the way you expected and that he didn't return the sentiment exactly. I can imagine feeling that empty shocked stomach feeling I would get. But I'm glad he's real and came around in his thinking and acceptance so fast!

MissM said...


Vicki said...

awww yay!

Dawn said...

I'm sorry that it didn't happen exactly how you wanted it to happen, Sarah. I was, literally, holding my breath while reading the last half of your post.

A couple of things to remember, to put this in perspective:

1. He's new to this. He's never even met a girlfriend's parent(s) before.

2. He's new to this. He's never told a girlfriend that he loved her.

3. He's cautious by nature. I can tell. He sounds just like my husband, actually.

4. He DID say it back. If he's anything like my husband -- and I just confirmed that he sounds MUCH like my husband -- he wouldn't say it if he didn't really, really, REALLY mean it. That kind of guy can't be forced.

I'm thrilled for you both. You looooooooove each otheeerrrrrr! :)

Brittany said...

Of course he does :)

AmericanBridget (Jones) said...

I swooned for you...totally. Love this.

Red Stethoscope said...


Anonymous said...

:) He probably didn't articulate it well because he didn't know what it was and he's never said it to a girl before. I was the first person my BF said it to as well and it takes longer and it's a little different when that's the case. He definitely loves you, it just took him a second to identify the feeling! LOVE!!! You're so awesome for putting yourself out there like that - I need to do this more.

Denise B said...

The first time my husband told me "I love you" I said "that's nice". We just celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary earlier this month. I still tell him "that's nice" :)

Bathwater said...

I most be the oddball here, or maybe I don't take love seriously enough? But then again I can honestly say I have NOT said that to many women, I just don't ever remember it being such an ordeal.

What will proposing be like?

Anonymous said...

Bathwater: Probably a big deal and not taken for granted. (the way I personally think it should be).

La Femme said...

I'm kinda like Denise. When my now-husband said "I love you" to me for the first time, I said "Really??"

Je m'appelle Danielle said...

When he said you guys needed to have a little chat, I would have followed suit with the dog and barfed.

Sounds like a pretty good experience though, no electricity, sunset, the dog howling romantically. Not bad lady.

Emma said...

I love it because it seems like a REAL moment. Not fairy tale or Hollywood. Real, authentic, true.

And he said it back :)

Miss Chevious said...

That's so awesome! Congratulations!

Robyn said...

i swooned too-but, god, i was nervous, or him and you. Is he more decisive in other ways?

Anonymous said...

You're his first love. How magical is that?!

Congrats Sarah, am doing a victory dance in your honour.

Dawn said...

I'm sorry if my initial comment sounded negative in any way, shape, or form. It was absolutely NOT intended to sound that way. At all. I'm so thrilled for you -- that your love was returned. I really and truly am.

Sarah said...

Oh no! I didn't take it badly. I'm very pleased with the outcome. I agree with you. He wouldn't have said it unless he meant it. :)

Dawn said...


The Mad Inscriber said...

He's right, too. If he didn't say it back, it would kill you.

Fortunately, he happens to love you.

Hope said...

Can I just say for the 100th time that I am incredibly happy for you?

'Cause I am.

Anonymous said...

I am so late in reading this I am annoyed with myself!! :|

YAY!!!! I am so pleased for you. It sounds magical. The fact that he didn't say it right away, that he made sure he was saying it because he meant it and because he said it.

So pleased for you! :) *hugs*

Peach said...

better change the name of your blog then, eh ?

soo happy for you, so so so so happy xxx


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