So. What now?
Is this how it's done? Do people make decisions about this, or is it something that comes quietly and naturally without any great notice? I have a feeling in my case it was both, but that was the moment I cognitively recognized I'm done dating.
My initial feeling was panic. I feel like I made this big life decision and my parents had only met the guy like 2 or 3 times each. If they lived farther than 45 minutes away, then this would be acceptable. But they live in the metro area! That is an unacceptable amount of times! And Abe has yet to go to guys' night with my friends to get to know them better. Panic!
But it's not like things have stopped progressing. Abraham is spending Thanksgiving with me and my two families, so he'll log in some holiday time with them. He's also agreed to spend his very first Christmas with us after I spend some days up North celebrating Hanukkah. So by the year's end we'll have met the extended families, including Bubbie.
Then there's my apartment. I just signed another year's lease that will keep me there until November of next year, so I have that reining me in.
"I think I'm ready for an upgrade for a washer and dryer," Abraham announced as he was folding laundry.
"No. Don't do anything yet," I ordered.
"Because..." I faltered once I realized where I was going with this.
"Why?" he prodded.
"Because I have new ones," I muttered.
Abraham smiled. "So you'd get rid of my washer and dryer? What else?"
"Your refrigerator... and every stick of furniture in your bedroom."
"Can I keep the curtains?" he teased.
"The flag above my bed?"
"No. And your sports memorabilia is going in the guest bedroom. The signed hockey jersey will be framed and not hung with thumb tacks." I pointed to the speed limit sign hanging on his wall, "That goes. And so do the blinds in the living room. They will be replaced with white curtains. And you can pick which bathroom, but I'm going to need to upgrade at least one bathtub."
Abraham watched me, amused.
"I've spent a little time thinking about this," I muttered. I busied myself with the laundry.
"I agree with everything you said, especially the refrigerator and framing the jersey. But why wait for a new bathtub?"
It's hard, waiting and trying to not be excited, when we talk like this.
"I asked Government Mule if y'all were going to get married," Jenna confided in me at girls' night. "He said not only were you getting married, but that I would be in the wedding party. Will y'all?"
"Yeah," I smiled.
"All of my friends are getting married!" cheered Harvey. She raised her wine glass and fell back on the floor. "Hallelujah!"
Jenna's relationship is the furthest along. She and Government Mule have been living together for a year. Unfortunately Government Mule is no longer Government; he's just a Mule since he got laid off. Any plans of theirs is on hold until they get their footing again.
Katie's relationship is also going well and is near the marriage talk. Actually Katie thought her boyfriend was going to propose on their one-year anniversary, and she held a State of the Union with him when he didn't. She informed him she wanted a husband and two kids by 35, and if he didn't want that, to let her know so she could find someone else to have babies with. It was an ultimatum that shocked the rest of the friends.
She demanded to know when they were getting engaged, saying she had a right to have a say about her future. Emotionally she's at the same place as me. She's found the guy and she's ready to move forward.
"But it's only been a year," comforted Harvey.
"I know what I want," she answered. "And he says it's emasculating to take the engagement and the grand gesture away from him. He said he wants it to be a big deal."
"Don't you want to be surprised?" I asked.
"I'd say if a man wants to give you the grand gesture, to let him. That doesn't happen often enough in life," I added. I'm more come what may versus come hell or high water.
"No. I want a say in my future. Besides, he says we have two issues to work out before we get married. He says I sleep too much. He wants me to get sleep studied and I say I'm fine."
I stifled a laugh in my napkin. Poor Katie and her sleeping.
Although the boyfriend has grown on me over the last year, he hasn't impressed any of the people who are closer to her than me. Her sister Jenna and Harvey being the biggest protesters. But Katie appears to be happy and her boyfriend does undoubtedly love her, so what can you do? I think any sort of intervention would alienate her from her friends. A lot of people don't agree with a couple's relationship, but it's not their business.
And so I wonder, who will be first? Jenna and Government Mule? Katie and her boyfriend? Abraham and me? Mel and her new beau? Does it really happen like this? Everyone pairs off at the same time? Are we adults now?
~Tuesday, September 04, 2012
So. What now?
Love, Sarah at 1:16 PM|