~Tuesday, September 04, 2012

Come What May

So. What now?

Is this how it's done? Do people make decisions about this, or is it something that comes quietly and naturally without any great notice? I have a feeling in my case it was both, but that was the moment I cognitively recognized I'm done dating.

My initial feeling was panic. I feel like I made this big life decision and my parents had only met the guy like 2 or 3 times each. If they lived farther than 45 minutes away, then this would be acceptable. But they live in the metro area! That is an unacceptable amount of times! And Abe has yet to go to guys' night with my friends to get to know them better. Panic!

But it's not like things have stopped progressing. Abraham is spending Thanksgiving with me and my two families, so he'll log in some holiday time with them. He's also agreed to spend his very first Christmas with us after I spend some days up North celebrating Hanukkah. So by the year's end we'll have met the extended families, including Bubbie.

Then there's my apartment. I just signed another year's lease that will keep me there until November of next year, so I have that reining me in.

"I think I'm ready for an upgrade for a washer and dryer," Abraham announced as he was folding laundry.

"No. Don't do anything yet," I ordered.

"Why?"

"Because..." I faltered once I realized where I was going with this.

"Why?" he prodded.

"Because I have new ones," I muttered.

Abraham smiled. "So you'd get rid of my washer and dryer? What else?"

"Your refrigerator... and every stick of furniture in your bedroom."

"Can I keep the curtains?" he teased.

"No."

"The flag above my bed?"

"No. And your sports memorabilia is going in the guest bedroom. The signed hockey jersey will be framed and not hung with thumb tacks." I pointed to the speed limit sign hanging on his wall, "That goes. And so do the blinds in the living room. They will be replaced with white curtains. And you can pick which bathroom, but I'm going to need to upgrade at least one bathtub."

Abraham watched me, amused.

"I've spent a little time thinking about this," I muttered. I busied myself with the laundry.

"I agree with everything you said, especially the refrigerator and framing the jersey. But why wait for a new bathtub?"

It's hard, waiting and trying to not be excited, when we talk like this.

***

"I asked Government Mule if y'all were going to get married," Jenna confided in me at girls' night. "He said not only were you getting married, but that I would be in the wedding party. Will y'all?"

"Yeah," I smiled.

"All of my friends are getting married!" cheered Harvey. She raised her wine glass and fell back on the floor. "Hallelujah!"

Jenna's relationship is the furthest along. She and Government Mule have been living together for a year. Unfortunately Government Mule is no longer Government; he's just a Mule since he got laid off. Any plans of theirs is on hold until they get their footing again.

Katie's relationship is also going well and is near the marriage talk. Actually Katie thought her boyfriend was going to propose on their one-year anniversary, and she held a State of the Union with him when he didn't. She informed him she wanted a husband and two kids by 35, and if he didn't want that, to let her know so she could find someone else to have babies with. It was an ultimatum that shocked the rest of the friends.

She demanded to know when they were getting engaged, saying she had a right to have a say about her future. Emotionally she's at the same place as me. She's found the guy and she's ready to move forward.

"But it's only been a year," comforted Harvey.

"I know what I want," she answered. "And he says it's emasculating to take the engagement and the grand gesture away from him. He said he wants it to be a big deal."

"Don't you want to be surprised?" I asked.

"No."

"I'd say if a man wants to give you the grand gesture, to let him. That doesn't happen often enough in life," I added. I'm more come what may versus come hell or high water.

"No. I want a say in my future. Besides, he says we have two issues to work out before we get married. He says I sleep too much. He wants me to get sleep studied and I say I'm fine."

I stifled a laugh in my napkin. Poor Katie and her sleeping.

Although the boyfriend has grown on me over the last year, he hasn't impressed any of the people who are closer to her than me. Her sister Jenna and Harvey being the biggest protesters. But Katie appears to be happy and her boyfriend does undoubtedly love her, so what can you do? I think any sort of intervention would alienate her from her friends. A lot of people don't agree with a couple's relationship, but it's not their business.

***

And so I wonder, who will be first? Jenna and Government Mule? Katie and her boyfriend? Abraham and me? Mel and her new beau? Does it really happen like this? Everyone pairs off at the same time? Are we adults now?

12 comments:

Dawn said...

The grand gesture is so beautiful, yet so rare these days.

ames said...

Yep. Everything goes. I might let my bf keep like his mattresses, clothes and books but that's it.

Just enjoy the whole process as much as you can. Sounds like you're doing a great job of that :)

Je m'appelle Danielle said...

I kinda agree with Katie, I need to have a say in my future, considering that I want to have kids before all my eggs dry up. If there are convo's that say we're in it for the long haul, then I would lay my cards on the table and then let him do a gesture, knowing the acceptable time frame.

As for if this is how it happens. Totally no clue. Pave the way for those that don't know, and keep blogging about it.

Oh and maybe Katie gets tested for Epstein Bar. Its a form of mono that mostly just makes you really run down and tired. My friend had it, and she got paid time off work under FMLA! Thats worth looking into alone! Or get an iron count down, anemia can be a factor with sleeping that much or being super tired. A sleep study seems too invasive, when you can get other quick things done beforehand.

Cebene said...

Yes. This is the way it happens. When you know, you know. (Spoken by a woman who didn't marry until 32 and had several disappointments prior to that.) I can't speak for the other couples in your group, but it sounds like you and Abraham are doing it the right way. Everything will fall into place. Enjoy, enjoy, ENJOY!! You've earned it!

Cebene
GA

The Mad Inscriber said...

It does happen like that, in spates. When you've been through enough relationships to know what you need, you're ready to find the person who is right. People tend to get there pretty consistently around the same time.

crazytownusa said...

What now, you ask?

Sit back and enjoy the ride. The most exciting part of your lives together is just starting - and it's going to be wonderful. xo

Bathwater said...

I think you were all adults a long time ago. Maybe my view is skewed though. I think even a twenty year old should have some adult edges about them.

I am surprised it has been a year since Katie's last guy..what was his name? He seemed like a good guy just not for her.

I don't think it is a bad idea to talk about what you want if you are Katie and perhaps to agree upon those things but ultimatums, tend to cause mistakes.

laniebelluz said...

Wow - what you said to Abe sounded just like Charlie - only difference is the hockey stick not jersey - lol.

La Femme said...

Don't expect them to just give up your stuff, sometimes it doesn't ever happen. Neon Beast still has a Buffalo Lance in our game room that has bothered me for over a decade now.

Angela said...

There's still trouble between my sister and I, because I don't trust her fiance, and don't want to be around him - he even admitted recently that he thinks I'm amazingly sexy, and likes me too much, proving my point - but boyfriend wins, sister gets kicked in the you-know.

katielookingforward.com said...

Ah, I love your blog. I'm happy your at this place. I actually told my boyfriend that I need time settling back into our hometown before any other changes (re:engagement). But at the same time I have no idea when it might happen, and it is exciting!

Charlotte Klein said...

"It's hard, waiting and trying to not be excited, when we talk like this."

Oh, I get this. Don't worry, girly. Let all the chips fall where they may; I have no doubt they will end up in your favor. These kinds of discussions are so difficult for me to have in my relationship. I can't help but get that giddy sense that we're both on the same page.

Also, I'm not sure I'd ever want to know when an engagement is happening. I think it's kind of one of those things that should happen organically.

 

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