~Thursday, September 13, 2012

Home is wherever I'm with you

"In hindsight you signing another year's lease wasn't the best idea," Abraham admitted.

We were setting up the Femme Fatale's standing dog bowls in his kitchen, which I had brought from my apartment at his request. "Now she's all moved in," he had smiled.

It's my stuff that isn't moved in. He hasn't said so explicitly, but I imagine I could move in any time I wanted.

"I guess you'd have to put some things in storage," he said.

"You're funny. We're just getting rid of your things," I patted his shoulder.

I don't regret signing the lease, even though the new lease doesn't even take effect until November and then will go another year. I need a place to live. I need a spot for my life and for my dirty underwear, even if most nights my intown apartment is unoccupied because I'm sleeping in the suburbs. After everything I've been through, I need a place that is mine until we've finalized an ours. Signing a 6-month lease would have been more expensive and would have given us a deadline. With a year's lease, I don't feel any pressure.

Abraham said I could live with him and his roommate, but I've read enough advice columns on the Internet to know that three's a crowd. She's been there less than a year and I'm not going to kick her out of her home.

"She just got a raise; maybe she'll get her own place," he offered.

"I doubt it. She's also in a serious relationship and she's probably waiting him out like me. I was supposed to buy a house this year, remember?"

"You're welcome. I just saved you over a hundred thousand dollars. But yeah, I see your point."

Maybe I'd be more decisive about my timeline if I knew the roommate's. But then again, it seems silly to put my relationship on hold for her. Abraham and I have been together longer and are more serious. She's had the serious talks in her relationship, she's perhaps had more (her boyfriend once said that her getting pregnant wouldn't be a terrible thing), but Abraham and I have had more action. We've said the I love yous and have spent purposeful time with each other's parents. Besides, maybe she is aware of this and is waiting on us to move in together as an excuse for her to move into her boyfriend's house. Maybe she also knows three is a crowd.

"Maybe you could sublet your place," Abraham offered.

I'm not really comfortable letting someone else live in my apartment, mainly because I'd be responsible for any damage he/she does.

"Katie's boyfriend broke his lease to move in with her. He had to pay $1,800, but then again, that's two months' rent. I'm not sure how I feel about that," I muttered.

"Well let's say your rent is $1,000 a month. That's $12,000 a year. You'd pay $4,000 to move out, but you'd be saving $8,000 in the long run."

I whimpered at the amounts. I'd hate theoretically paying $4,000 just to not live in my home anymore. I hate wasting money, but I'd rather waste it than rush into living together.

I'm not in a hurry. Maybe because I know it will happen eventually, so I don't feel the need to jump through hoops to make it happen. Maybe I'm still a little shell shocked about the last time I lived with a boy. Maybe I just want to wait until I'm engaged and have more security than I did last time.


bluemoon said...

There is nothing wrong at all with taking your time, and doing things as they feel right. If you're comfortable with still having your place for the time being, that is all good. If you decide to break the lease, also good. It's all about what feels best for you. :)

Anonymous said...

I think you'll know when you're ready. If you're not ready, you're not ready. I'm there with you. If my bf and I were able to live in the same area, he'd want to live together and I'm kinda like... I don't knowwww... that's such a big deal and if you're not engaged, if there's no promise, it's risky.

Denise B said...

You should look at the terms of breaking your lease. Where we live in California, you just have to give 90 days notice that you're moving out (instead of the usual 30). And we didn't have to pay for unused months :)

Je m'appelle Danielle said...

Personally, I'd want more security before living together.. I would need to know that it was leading to marriage. I'm not super interested in playing house if ya know what I mean...

Also, I lived with a couple, and it fucking sucks. It sucked for me, and I know it sucked for them. For example, a few times I would come home late from work to them being cute and making a meal together... awkward. Too many times I came home to them sleeping, cuddled up with each other in the living room watching TV. It sucked for me because then I would tiptoe around, and I felt like I couldn't be in common areas.

You want to live together, without the worry of possibly stepping on her toes, or having to behave yourselves. Just you two being real.

Missy said...

It can be hard to coordinate the timing as two lives are merged. For me, marriage will be the only time we actually combine space.

But we are two home owners and I feel like we are dependent upon someone purchasing the homes for us to make our life plan ... and that isn't fun either.

Anonymous said...

It's completely up to you. But I've heard more and more men and women state, that until there is a ring and a date they are not merging the household.

Speaking from someone who moved into an apt with filmguy too early for a variety of reasons, I probably wouldn't do it again.

I've also had a friend who kept her apartment for one year while she and her soon to be husband "tested" living together. ANd in an argument....she retreated to her place. They are now married and spend all their time together happy and loving life.

Ultimately, you need to do what's best for you. Follow your gut. The moment will come today, tomorrow, a year from now whenever. You will realize it's time or not.

Anonymous said...

I agree with bluemoon - there's nothing wrong with taking your time. Don't give in to any pressure to move in before you feel it's time.

Peach said...

i hear you, sistah

Bathwater said...

Don't be in a hurry, you never know what will happen. Perhaps the roommate will want your place.

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Red Stethoscope said...

Girl, speak the truth! Once you've been damaged in another relationship, it's impossible to just jump blindly. I'm also bleeding money into a rent payment for a place I only sleep in half the week, but you know what? It's MY place! There will be no co-habitation until there's a ring on it and I mean WEDDING ring, because have I told you about my failed engagement before? Yeah, we're not doing that again.

Charlotte Klein said...

Ahhh, yes. I understand this. Similar boat as you find yourself in. But you're right to take your time and do it right (ugh, now I'm going to have that song stuck in my head for hours). Anyway, best not to rush things. BUT I understand the frustration. Sometimes I just want to move in together so I know I can stop fretting about the bills so much.

But I'm sure things will all come together for you. The important thing is that you are both on the same page, and it sounds to me that you are.

Also, I love that Edward Sharpe song so much :)

Anonymous said...

I am fully in the "don't break your lease" camp. You can "waste" money on rent for an apartment that you don't use, because that kind of waste I consider insurance. I think it would truely be wasting your money for you to move in now, have something possibly not work and then have to find a new place to live!


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