~Thursday, February 07, 2013

Take the Cake

I'm not a big fan of Facebook chat. Mostly the incoming messages startle me while I'm creeping on my news feed. I think the main problem with Facebook chat is that it's never someone you actually want to talk to.

Yesterday it was Christopher. I hadn't heard from him since last Valentine's Day when he sent me a friend request. I had sat on it for a week, accepted it, and then forgot about the whole thing.

His time stamp said he was in Puerto Rico. I'm not sure if you can hack time stamps, but I was wary. He talked about his vacation a bit.

"I see u have a dude. cool," he wrote.

"Yeah! Long time now!"

"Oh yea? cool. Will You let me buy you an awesome ice cream Birthday cake to make up for that birthday I had no money to buy you anything cool? you have to pick it up lol"

Christopher never got it. It was never about the money or not having a birthday cake. Just read the posts if you haven't. He didn't know where I lived. He proclaimed to my 10 closest friends that he just wanted to be a rich playboy. He told everyone he didn't love me. It was his treatment of me that caused me to end things. It was never about the money; it was about me feeling unsupported and alone.

I paused. That was a weird request. Christopher had moved out of the state a long time ago. His current time stamp reads Puerto Rico. It's not my birthday. Why order me a cake?

"That's all water under the bridge now," I typed back. "Besides I'm working out really hard and don't need the calories."

"Too bad you have one ready for pick up tomorrow after 5. I didnt personalize it so your bf wont freak or anything. You can tell him anyone sent it like ur dementia grandma lol"

"I don't keep secrets from him." The truth was Abraham already knew that Christopher IMed me. Abraham knows the story about the terrible birthday.

"That's weird," Abraham wrote to me.

"I know, right? We aren't eating cake right now and there's no room in your freezer, so I guess I'll just dump it at my apartment?"

"Wait. You're going to pick it up?" he asked.

Yes, because free cake? That's where my mind went.

"He doesn't live here anymore," I told him.

"Message me when you get the cake," Christopher wrote.


After work I headed to the gym. Christopher messaged me again.

"Did u get ur Birthday present?"

"I thought it was tomorrow after 5? I'm still at the gym."

"no tonight after 5 my dear"

"Ah well I'm not going to have time until tomorrow. I'm sure it will still be there."

Christopher: "no it has an exploding flavor flav clock on it"

Christopher: "u ruined it all"

Christopher:" u need it tonight!!!"

Christopher: "thats bs"

Christopher: "get ur fin cake lol"

Christopher: "If u dont get that fin cake im gonna flip out!!"

Me: "Dude. Chill. They're going to close before I can get there. Look at the convo. You said tomorrow."

At this point I was getting scared. I haven't spoken to him in years. I don't know if the Puerto Rico time stamps are real. Maybe Abraham was right. Maybe he ordered me a cake to get me to a specific location and time.

Christopher: "Not serious..Im on the beach drinking a pink umbrella drink..but darling Happy Birthday!"

Christopher: "Drinking a Nopalae drink with vodka..tyhis dude needs s breast reduction wtf"

Christopher: "itds pitch dark and i got stung by about 20 jelly fish"

Christopher: "]its kinda fun now when i dont"

Christopher: "im just putting them on my head now
numbing my brain"

Christopher: "sarah write a book about my life..lol"

Consider it done.


Readyandfading said...


He buys you a cake and you HAVE to get it when he says so. Like he has some power over you.

What an absolute weirdo, but we already knew that.

This is SO something one of my ex's would do, too.....

So glad you have a winner now.

bluemoon said...

Wow. On the upside, things like this surely make you appreciate the awesomeness you have found with Abraham. :)

MissM said...


Anonymous said...

Ummmm - yeah. Don't get the cake. What a strange situation.

Je m'appelle Danielle said...

Wow, need friends much?

I don't get it. I don't get men in general. Well, I do, he is trying the typical reach out, testing the waters. "Lets see how happy she really is in this new relationship", its weird how those guys are all the same.

What I don't get is why he thinks it would work?

Lpeg said...

Hmm. Wow. I, don't know what to say...

Julie said...

I don't think I'd be able to resist the cake... but I'd send Abraham to get it. LOL

Angela said...

How odd. And sad. I was going to say, "shouldn't he know that your birthday isn't for two or three more months?" but of course, Valentine's Day is around the corner.

I'd send someone else to get the cake, too. Just in case.

Dateafrenchman said...

Total weirdo. I would have been scared by those messages that got more and more incoherent. I agree, I think he was just seeing how things were with on you on the off-chance of a hook up.

Kelly said...

I disabled my facebook chat for the same reasons you mentioned. Not a crazy ex, but the only people who ever messaged me were people I didn't really want to chat with. I highly recommend it.

Anonymous said...

Eww! What a creep! Also, I hate facebook chat too. It creeps me out and makes me nervous. (and now I have a reason for the creep out)

Emma said...

This just horrifies me. He sounds like he's on many, many different drugs. Who gets aggressive like that over a cake?

Blog Deleted said...

Why you would even RESPOND to this loser just shows you are still aching for the attention he gives you. Besides, what angsty drivel will you pump out if you were actually happy? Christopher is a convenient whipping post for your victim mentality. Free cake. What an idiot you are.

nuttycow said...

Hmmm. Strange chap!

The Mad Inscriber said...

@Blog Deleted - oh, go soak your head.

Kono said...

I can't believe you left this man... what a gem.

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