Black Diamond

The scene was the same: when a coworker asked how my ski trip went, she'd ask while staring at my bare left hand. Every time.

"It was the best vacation I've ever had," I'd respond, trying to ignore the glances.

"So he didn't propose on top of the mountain?" one asked.

"I was so sure it would happen," another consoled.

"The ex-boyfriends come out of the woodwork because they know you're about to be engaged," my boss advised.

***

I knew it wouldn't happen on this trip. We were surrounded by 20 of Abraham's closest friends. Considering his private nature, it wasn't the right environment for him. I said as much.

"My coworkers think you're going to propose this trip, but I told them they were wrong."

We were sitting in our usual bar with our usual plate of hot wings the night before we left town. Abraham slunk in his chair. Really slunk. Like just-received-bad-news slunk.

It dawned on me at this moment that I don't need to tell him everything.

But I kept talking anyway.

"I told them they were wrong. We're going to be with a whole mess of people. And you're going skiing and I'm not, so it's not like we're going to be on top of a mountain together or anything. Plus the pressure is kind of off considering my conversion timeline."

That was another point. I'd been visiting several synagogues both in person and online, searching for a conversion class that felt right to me. The class I decided upon is one neither affiliated with a temple nor a sect, so we can be educated first without being guided by one temple's mission. Abraham liked this approach too. But the class doesn't start until August, and it runs 5 months, which means I won't convert until next January, which means the wedding will be after that.

Abraham didn't say anything. What if I ruined the proposal? I decided to not mention it again before any future vacations.

***

We had a great time on the trip. It was one of my favorite vacations. In the end, I paid for my flights and Abraham paid for my lodging and food. We split the activities pretty evenly.

Abraham took me dog sledding, which was something I've always wanted to do, but I never put much thought into it because I didn't know it was something I could actually do. I cried happy tears as the first sled of huskies howled and ran into the woods. I could barely listen to the instructor. I kneeled in the snow and played with the replacement Femme Fatales as mine was on vacation with my father. Abraham said it was his favorite moment of the trip, watching me be that happy.

I trust Abraham. He will propose when he thinks the time is right. To give him a specific timeline would be to not trust his judgment. And I trust his judgement wholly and completely.

He chose me after all.