~Wednesday, March 04, 2015

"Post Script," Alternate Title: "He Remembered Things," AlternateTitle: "Let It Go"

"If you would have given me a few more years, I would have married you."

Christopher was typing into Facebook messenger. I had heard from him two or three times over the years. All of those times he was incoherent either from alcohol or mental illness or what have you. I don't know why. But this time he was clear.

"I gave you a year and you wouldn't leave your apartment!" I typed back.

"That had to do with me. Not you."

It was the first time that he acknowledged his depression.

He remembered things. Bits of conversation that I had long forgotten. Shared jokes. Moments.

He had also learned things. Said he wanted to play kickball, something I started after I dumped him. Wanted to go to some place I had visited. Get a puppy the same breed as the Femme Fatale.

He sounded like me in past relationships.

When I realized he sounded like me, I knew what he was looking for. Christopher needed closure. I had always fawned over him until I didn't. Then I met someone and got married. It took about 8 years, but I had left Christopher behind.

I told Christopher that I tried with him--that I had wanted us to work--but he wasn't able to love me in that way that I needed to be loved. I left out the parts where he got drunk and claimed that girls were stupid and when I asked about marriage, he was totally against it on principle. I left out the part where he was completely unsupportive of my life. Where he refused to meet my mom. Where he was a nice person, just a shitty boyfriend.

I guess I deserved his attention because I put up with his behavior, excusing it the first time because he was hot and the second time because whatever he was, at least he wasn't S.

I had turned cold so quickly on Christopher following my 29th birthday that I left him spinning. He left Atlanta and moved home. He remembered things that I let go. He was finally ready for me, he said.

None of that matters anymore because I'm finally happy, I said.


Danielle said...

Timing is everything.

Reminds me of what Nick the Dick did. You realize what you got once its gone and that's not my problem at all!


Anonymous said...

Oh Sarah - I am so pleased to read something you have written! So so happy that you are happy! :)

Emma said...

So happy to see your writing again in my blog feed, Sarah. I've missed you! And closure is the best feeling ever!

MissM said...

I'm pretty sure he's mentally ill.

Gah I miss this blog. <3

Anonymous said...

Man, I miss this blog too!

Lubna said...

Isn't that always the way...when you've moved on, they return telling you things you needed to hear when you were still invested in the relationship.

These situations are so sucky because it truly is a case of "timing is everything".

- Lubna http://www.thedigitalreview.co.uk/

Anonymous said...

Reading this again today - I really needed this. Gives me hope for myself. x

Bathwater said...

I miss this blog. I miss blogging in general. I don't feel I could go back to it today.

Sarah said...

Hope you are okay, BW!


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