~Wednesday, September 07, 2005

Entering stage II

I think the worst thing about break-ups are seeing other couples. Everywhere. I see them canoodling in the grocery store and I just want to swing my basket at them. Looks like I've entered phase II: the angry-as-fuck phase.

Began referring to Mark as "The Crybaby." As in "Oh my girlfriend made a joke at my expense. I'm going to break up with her and run to my Mommy and cry about it." At the dinner table when my mother and step-father make sharp quips at each other, I say, "Mark would break-up with you too."

Still no call and I'm devastated, but I'm also becoming very angry. My other serious relationships, Bob and Ryan, both cried when they left me. They said I was the girl you marry, not the girl you date, and they weren't ready for that so they had to let me go. And they cried. Those two both also tried to get back together with me. Ryan has since asked me to move in with him again when I cried to him about Mark.

But Mark, no phone call, no remorse, no second thought. He was the cruelest of all break ups. I told my mom I was going to call him, but she talked me out of it. We went from looking at rings and houses to absolute silence. I'm both stunned and angry that he can switch gears so quickly. It makes me feel that we were never really together at all, that everything was just facades and lies. I've loved him more than anyone else and none of it was real to him.

I'm in a city I haven't lived in for 6 years, making me a stranger in my own hometown. I'm a prisoner in my own home because of gas prices and a severe lack of money. Looking for a job just brings on a series of rejection in addition to this.

My life is very cruel right now.

4 comments:

Gabriel K. said...

Ouch...these kind of breakups are the worse. Things eventually change and you'll forget about Mark but it's kind of hard to think like that at this point.

Your Sin City Friend said...

Go move in with the other guy, he seems like a good time!

Or at least make him take you out to dinner a few times...couldn't hurt!

Sarah said...

Yeah, he moved to Boston and wants me to move up there. I'm not going to do it. Damn, I should have told Mark that he asked me!

Your Sin City Friend said...

I hear ya....moving to Boston is a little on the far side.

 

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