~Friday, November 18, 2005

Olive Juice

I've got myself an old fashioned crush. Nick invited me to go to his parents' cabin in NC and go skiing this season. At first it was great: getting excited over a guy and flirting back and forth. I smiled more and I was more motivated to work out. I figured that if the crush brought about these kinds of changes in me, then it was a good thing and I was just going to go with it.

Two days later and I'm anxious again. Probably from overthinking. I've know Nick for 3 years and all of sudden my feelings change. Has his? Had we always been flirty, or is this a new development? How do I change the vibe when I see him? Will I have to make a move? I'm not very good at that. He's always been so sweet to me and goes out of his way for me. Is he like this with every girl? Am I special?

I've always been extremely attracted to good manners. I often mistake good manners as someone liking me- I can't tell the difference between someone with good manners and someone trying to make an impression on me. Usually it ends up with me feeling like an ass.

What if we do get together? Is he just going to run over me too? Can I do anything to stop it? How do I protect myself without looking like a damaged crazy person?

My mind is racing and I'm generally anxious again. Those once happy feelings are gone. I'm just going to can this crush and stop this while I still can.


Jenni said...

Come on, take a deep breath and step back. Don't freak out. Take baby steps. Trust yourself. You've been through the fire and are too familiar with the burn. Not everyone will burn you. Don't can your crush yet. Just try not to focus on it so hard. Let it be unsure and unsteady. Things will become firmer in good time. Wait for him to make the moves. Act confident, even if you have to fake it.

Your Sin City Friend said...

In my experience, burning happens more often than not. You like him, but pull back a bit...you can always let him in again later.


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