~Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Gestures

Adam called at 7:28 PM. "Already?!" I gasped.

He laughed. He called me when he left his condo and I told him to call me when he gets to my building and I would meet him out front. He called at 7:24 PM. Apparently the mile and a half between our buildings is not very far.

I ran in the bathroom and gulped some mouth wash and ran out the door while still swishing the liquid in my mouth. I stepped outside, made sure he wasn't within view, and spit into the bushes before running out the gate.

Adam saw me and started to get out of the car, but then stopped after I blew by him and hopped in. "Hey there," he smiled. He leaned towards me, but stopped himself. As we pulled out into traffic, he reached over and tickled my back. I was glad to see he was nervous.

At the concert, I wanted to make a move-- a small gesture to let him know I liked him. I'd been thinking back to the other two dates and how I was rather uptight around him. Except for the single kiss at the end of the last date, I hadn't even reciprocated any of the small gestures he made. I just didn't believe he liked me.

So as we walked into the Roxy I looped my arm around his. Adam sighed with relief and immediately covered my hand with his. I guess I've been too hard on him.

For the record, I hate that couple at the rock concert. Everyone is headbanging and giving the bird to the stage, and there is that one couple in the back holding each other and swaying like they're dancing to All For One at the prom. I HATE them.

I'm embarrassed to say that was totally me last night.

Candlebox is singing, boys around us are head banging, and Adam is standing behind me with his arms wrapped around me and his head leaning into mine. Periodically he'd lean in and kiss my forehead, cheeck, ear, or neck. It was attention I haven't received in quite a while.

I thought about Nick. He behaved like that in December and I thought he wanted to be with me, only to find out that he just wanted to be friends and "enjoy the time we spend together." I didn't understand how someone could act that way towards a person he just wanted to be friends with. I remember feeling humiliated and used. I've just been treated so badly by so many people, it just works better that I anticipate the worst so I won't feel duped when I get dumped.

So Adam is just being the greatest and my mind is racing with, What if he just wants to be friends. What if he's just enjoying the time we spend together to the fullest and not worrying about the emotional ramifications? Touching and kissing confuses me. That's such a weird statement, because it shouldn't be confusing. It should be a clear demonstration of feelings. But that's not the case anymore. And I'm too high strung and nervous to simply enjoy it. I can't kiss without feeling and frankly I wouldn't want it any other way.

Adam was perfect. Any time I said something cute or witty, he'd kiss me. It felt like being rewarded for being so clever. He didn't grab my butt or graze my breast or check out other girls in front of me from what I could tell. He opened my car door. He took me to get something to eat after the show and when I became tired, he took me home.

We were parked in front of my gate.

"Call me?" I asked quietly.

"Absolutely."

5 comments:

Jenni said...

Try to leave the bad stuff in the past where it belongs, in the past. You are experiencing something wonderful with Adam. Let it linger and smoulder and grow as slowly as you need. Sometimes things really are good and there is a happy ending.

Anonymous said...

Siiiigggghhh!


Girl, I am going to tell you one thing based from experience (as my relationship with Cat seemed too good to be true), let go and let it be. Let nature takes it's course, this is your reward for being crapped on so much.

In my relationship with Cat I walked into with burn marks from previous relationships, but with her I let myself open up and trust that although it seemed too good to be true.. her intentions were honorable and true. Although it didn't work out for that specific time in life I have walked away with a great best friend, and someone who knows my soul inside and out.. regardless of outcome or hopes and dreams. It truly is and was the greatest experience of my life.

Point is don't worry about where it will or won't go, enjoy it because you deserve it. I truly think this is your time to feel again.

Jen said...

"I've just been treated so badly by so many people, it just works better that I anticipate the worst so I won't feel duped when I get dumped."

I love this statement. It sums up my reaction to guys alot of the time. Expect the worse is my mottoe...I just have to learn how to hope for best so I can tack that on to the end.

Enjoy Adam! He sounds great.

Two Drink Girl said...

Much like my current employment situation, I know how you feel. You are afraid that the second you get comfortable he'll hit you with something and crush you.

M said...

okay did you make this guy up? ;) He sounds wonderful! Go with it.

 

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