~Tuesday, November 21, 2006

TV Boyfriends

Stolen from the talented Mez, but with a caveat: I have a talent for knowing exactly how my relationships will end.

My Top Ten TV Boyfriends:

Dr. Doug Ross from ER (played by George Clooney). Like you didn't see this one coming. Better to start off with the obvious. Sure he was a bit of an ass, but he would do anything to save a child. Remember that episode when he was going to smoke a joint, but ended up saving a kid from a flooded sewer? I would have banged his brains out for that.
How I would screw this relationship up: One night after said banging, I would roll onto his shoulder and run my hand through his chest hair and say, "You realize we've been together for six months?" Not as a request for commitment, but as a marker of time. In any case the commitment-phobic Dr. Ross would dump my ass immediately.

Alex P. Keaton from Family Ties (played by Michael J. Fox). I know my life with the money-loving Alex would be financially stable. He dressed well and had a great family (well except for his fat little sister) and Mallory and I would be best friends who would often do lunch and spend the afternoon shopping. And he was misogynistic enough to demand that I quit my job to stay at home and raise the kids.
How I would screw this relationship up: No way in hell a picture of Richard Nixon is going up in my home.

Seth Cohen from The O.C. (played by Adam Brody). I've always wanted to date someone witty whose smart pop culture references would have me swooning. We would bond over our love for Breyer horses. Fine, my love when I was 10, and he still has Captain Oats on his bedside table, but whatevs. He would fall in love with me when I offered to extend Chrismukkah for 11 additional days (after all there are 12 days of Christmas).
How I would screw this relationship up: I would back over him with the Land Rover in his driveway for being a whiny bitch. I'm pretty sure he would break up with me as soon as he got out of the hospital or when I got out of jail, whichever came first.

Ben Covington from Felicity (played by Scott Speedman). I've been helping, now somebody save me. Ben, always drawn to the damsel in distress, would be more than willing to have my back. It must be nice to not have to depend on yourself all the time-- I would love to try that out. Plus he had a kick ass loft apartment that I wouldn't mind crashing at.
How I would screw this relationship up: Sorry Ben, but I would have broken up with you after you told me Lauren was going to have your baby. Good luck to you and the alcoholic mother of you child.

Noel Crane from Felicity (played by Scott Foley). It's my top ten list and I can have them both if I want. He was a geek with a hot body-- how do I order me one of those? Noel would fix my CSS problems and we would bond over our mutual hatred for IE. God he looked hot in his pea coat. Mmmm. Sometimes I would give him smart powder for shits and giggles, just to watch him freak out.
How I would screw this relationship up: I'm a teaser and Noel is a sensitive soul. I imagine one day I would tease and it would really offend him. We would argue and I wouldn't cave because, seriously, he would just have to suck it up. And then he would breakup with me.

Brian Hackett from Wings (played by Steven Weber). Brian is the male version of me, another Type B personality. Together we would laugh incessantly and take spur of the moment trips. We'd win entire crowds of people over and reign as king and queen of the party.
How I would screw this relationship up: Wow, I don't see this relationship ending without me taking a shovel to his face. There needs to be some balance and together we'd be entirely too flighty. I would end up turning into some sort of mother figure for him and ultimately resent him for it. The breakup would be ugly. UGLY.

Nat Ostertag from Mad About You (played by Hank Azaria). Over the summer I developed a thing for dog owners. Sure, he doesn't own Murray, but he takes care of him every day. He would love my dog; men who love dogs are good people. And you know they have to come home every night or otherwise deal with a mess in the morning.
How I would screw this relationship up: I would encourage Nat to do something more with his life than walk dogs. And by "encourage" I mean "give ultimatums." He would eventually choose the dogs over me.

Eric Gotts from Wonderfalls (played by Tyron Leitso). This was a very short-lived show that I loved. He loved Jaye despite the fact she was so many things. He loved her despite the fact that she was disenchanted and he loved her despite the fact that she could be inexcusably mean at times, all while serving her alcohol. If Eric could love Jaye, he could love me.
How I would screw this relationship up: Jaye's fear and unwillingness to commit drove him away several times. Let's face it-- one of those times he isn't coming back.

Dr. Mark Sloan from Grey's Anatomy (played by Eric Danes). Mark looks and acts exactly like Christopher. I would go over to his apartment under the condition that there would be absolute silence during the hour of Grey's Anatomy. He would agree to anything as long as I came over. Halfway into the show he would get bored and put the split screen on his TV: my half with Grey's, his half with porn. I would have killed him had I been able to stop laughing first. Mark is also a "get under your skin" kind of guy. I forgot how hot Christopher was; I wonder if I still have his number...
How I would screw this relationship up: I imagine it would end the same way. After several months I would finally feel comfortable enough to pop over. He, however, would not be comfortable with it-- he freaked out and I never heard from him again.

Dr. Preston Burke from Grey's Anatomy (played by Isaiah Washington). This is what I need: smart, confident, and sturdy. He's not afraid of moving forward and he's confident enough to not freak out when Cristina does. He's a calm and collected rock which neurotic women can lean upon and not feel freaking crazy. That must be nice...
How I would screw this relationship up: He's so calm and collected that I would pick fights with him to get any sort of emotion out of him. If he fought back, I would know he cared. If he remained cool and calm, I would know he doesn't love me. I mentioned neuroses, right?


M said...

ROFL!! Perfect.

I totally forgot about Wings - that was a great show. I had a huge crush on Alex P Keaton. God he was cute.

hehe, wonderfalls was cool!

Peter Matthes said...

Guys who like dogs are certainly worth while.

Guys who use a big dog as their personal avatar are even better!

Walter said...


Buttons said...

i love this. i love you!

that last one... he's my man. too calm and sometimes i WANT him to get annoyed but he won't. it's the only infuriating thing.

i want to make a list but it wouldn't be as good as yours

and Brayer horses!! i had two! oh seth

Sarah said...

M- You knew of Wonderfalls?! I knew I liked you!

Peter- I've never been wrong about a dog owner. :)

Walter- Thanks!!!

Buttons- I'm so glad I'm not the only one who gets frustrated over him not getting annoyed! I want to see you list!

Anonymous said...

Oh how I loved the pictures of gorgeous eye candy! (With the exception of two).

Great job with the post, Miss Sarah. I was very impressed!

Miss Natalie said...

Men from Felicity and The OC - 2 shows i've never go into and Grey's anatomy, i've never seen (i don't watch medical shows)

Man i love this post and Mez's one :-)

Sarah said...

RMP- Thanks!

Natalie- Glad you liked it :)


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