~Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Let's get physical

After having an off-blog conversation with another blogger about the fear that I want too much and have unrealistic expectations regarding men, he gave me an exercise to help ground me and define what I want. I don't know if he ever expected me to follow through on it, but I continued to work on it whenever I felt overwhelmed.

He told me to list 15 qualities I want in a man, no matter how shallow they may be. So I did:

  1. Professional
  2. Creative
  3. Intelligent
  4. Witty
  5. Like dogs
  6. Gently teases
  7. Confident
  8. Respectful
  9. Larger than me
  10. Reads
  11. Affectionate
  12. Protective
  13. Financially stable
  14. Kind
  15. Physically fit
Then he told me to break it down into three groups of five with the first group being the most important and the third being the most expendable. So I did:
  • Like dogs
  • Intelligent
  • Professional
  • Respectful
  • Affectionate
  • Protective
  • Witty
  • Reads
  • Larger than me
  • Kind
  • Gently teases
  • Confident
  • Physically fit
  • Financially stable
  • Creative
I was sort of hoping that Intelligent blankets Reads and Professional blankets Financially stable. He said the point of the exercise is to find someone who has all of the top five and as many as the second grouping as possible. The rest are just benefits. The exercise has helped me define in more concrete terms what I want. It's made me feel a bit better about things.

For me it's important to find someone that like animals. It shows that they are willing to love something more than themselves. A good vocabulary turns me on; knowing his homophones is like talking dirty to me. One time a guy said "convoluted" to me and my mind flashed to bad things I wanted to do to him, all because he could use that word in a sentence. He has to have a career because if I can do it, anyone can.

Oh god, I'm such a cliche. I want an intelligent and affectionate man. Who doesn't?


Walter said...

I think it's a good list.

Billy said...

I like the list, but isn't the key to all of that how one defines those words that you have listed? Obviously your definition being the ultimate one.

pinkjellybaby said...

it's a very good list, similar to the things that i'd list i think.
you should have a list of things that you want, it helps you to focus more

Sarah said...

Walter- You don't think it's cliche? I don't see much of my individuality in it.

Billy- That's true to a certain extent. Take "Respectful," for instance. I took that to mean he wouldn't tell me what to do and give me my own space, etc. However, I hope that one wouldn't redefine "Likes dogs" or "Larger than me."

Pink Jellybaby - As type B as I am, I'm very type A when it comes to making lists or setting goals. I like to think of it as ambition :)

Jen said...

I agree with billy...it depends on how you define the attributes.

There are many different ideas of intelligence and affection. Your idea of intelligence and my idea of intelligence seem very similar....well-read, book smart, good vocabulary, but they should also have social/street smarts.

I think you have a good list there as long as you have an idea how to define each one.

Phil said...

That's not a demanding list and can broken down to "decent, smart guy who can look after himself".

Like you I used to have a long list of attributes that I've reduced to three key qualities.

Has to make me think.
Has to make me laugh.
Has to make me horny.

How they go about doing this, is up for grabs.

Breanne said...

Good job on narrowing it down, but to be honest that exercise scares me and I would probably take way too long thinking of ONLY 15 things! :)

Sarah said...

Jen- You are so right about that. I WILL NOT date someone if they aren't socially acclimated. What a nightmare that would be.

Phil- Even when I was little I struggled with wanting everything. I wish I could narrow it down like you did, but I have too many what ifs.

What if she met all three but was homeless? Would you date her?

Breanne- Ha! It took me a couple of weeks to come up with 15!

jedimerc said...

The problem is many, many intelligent people have the social skills of an iguana, if that... especially many of my geek/nerd brethren. Not saying my social skills are much better, but that I understand that society actually exists... most of the time :)

You make an interesting point on the what ifs? If a woman met my perhaps idealistic criteria but was homeless or without means of self-support at the time, I would be fine with that. That is something that can be fixed... I would rather deal with that than one who is financially stable yet is an intellectual void.

Sarah said...

Jedimerc- I found that out the hard way during my first go-round of online dating. I was going out with lawyers that could keep up the conversation, and as social as I am, I just don't have the time or the patience to teach those skills to the brainiacs.

Don't even get me started on LARPers. Those people scare the hell out of me. What's wrong with real life that you feel the need to run around in the woods and throw birdseed at each other?

jedimerc said...

Yes, but the operative word here is 'lawyers' :)

I have no excuse for LARPers, except that I am a recovering one (Hi, my name is Chris and it's been 2 years since I threw birdseed at anyone... )

Indiana said...

So has the idea helped you galvanise what you are looking for?

And if you are looking for a guy with a large vocab...start looking in the dictionary section at Borders ~grin~

Sarah said...

Jedimerc- *Shudder*

Indy- I forget you know American places. It did help, Thank you :)


© 2005 - 2013 He Loves Me Not
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution - Noncommercial - Share Alike 3.0 United States License.

template by suckmylolly.com