Predictive Neglect

I knew it would happen. I told N and she dismissed my complaint when I brought it up last week. Last Friday, E's longtime crush was dumped by his girlfriend. He called E to renew the friendship and she took him back without so much as an apology for not talking to her during his entire relationship.

"I understand," she told me. "It's not appropriate for guys and girls to be friends when one is seeing somebody."

"Uh, yes it is. And whomever I date better get comfortable with the fact I have a lot of guy friends. Otherwise, he's on the curb, not my friends. I've known them a lot longer and they have never left me."

"Well we hung out only one-on-one, never in a group. You can't do that when both aren't single."

"Yes you can."

And we agreed to disagree.

So when the boy came back, not only did she not admonish him for being a crap friend for the last six months, but also she declared, "I want Saturday nights!"

When he called her on Tuesday, she jumped up and down before answering the phone. I don't jump up and down when my friends call. She's still in love with him. She's still in love with him after two years during which she declared her love for him, got rejected, then watched him get into a relationship with someone else, and then not speak to her for six months.

E was always a flighty friend when she was in love with him. She would hang out with us around his schedule, always checking her phone to see if he had called, and then would cut the night short to go hang out with him when he did. When he didn't call, which was more often than not, every conversation revolved around him.

I saw it happening again when she jumped up and down (in an elevator no less, scaring the mud out of me) when he called. Within two days, every conversation was about him again. I saw it and N thought I was being paranoid.

Saturday evening E calls. She was supposed to hang out with him (remember, she immediately declared Saturday nights) and-- shocker, shocker-- he didn't call. What made her think things would be different in time?

She wanted advice. I gave it to her and then changed it to what she wanted to hear. She called him and then called me back; his phone was off.

"Now I don't have any plans tonight. What are you doing?"

Here we go again, revolving around his schedule. "I was going to watch my movies that came in the mail this week."

"Do you mind some company?"

"No."

So she came over and we drank my bottle of wine and ate the dinner I cooked. By nine o'clock she was putting her shoes on to leave; I knew it was to call him again.

Sure enough, that's exactly what she did. I'm back to being the interim entertainment when he's not available. She didn't financially chip in, or offer to return the gesture, or even thank me for providing the evening.

But I'm a friend. And a friend is supposed to be there during the hard times. A friend wouldn't think twice about it. But here I am, irritated I see the old patterns again.

When I asked N what do we do when she drops us and he neglects her again, she said, "We will pick her back up; it's our job."

And I will.

It looks like I've already started.

But it's not fair.