~Friday, February 23, 2007

Parental Counsel

"Sarah, you're so boring," my father declared. "You're young and you live in the city; you need to get out there and do more things."

I chewed on my lip and adjusted my cell phone to my other cheek. I could tell him about the lingerie party, but decided against it. I could tell him about the baby shower, but that would just put an elephant in the room. I could tell him about Tuesday, but he worries about me going back to school so much to visit old friends instead of making new ones. Well I've tried that and it didn't go so well, which I bet he doesn't want to hear about either.

"So what are you doing this weekend?" he prompts.

Giving my body a break. I'm going to make a nest in the couch and not move until Sunday. I'm going to see how much I can eat without actually cooking. I'm going to nap in between my Blockbuster movies that just arrived in the mail. I'm going to give the dog dirty looks when she wants to go out and pee because that just means I'm going to have to put on pants.

"Um," I stammered. "I'm going out on Sunday."

"Ooh! What are you doing?"

"Um, dinner." The absence of details makes what I'm really doing obvious.

"You have a date?"

"Er, yeah." My parents don't really know me that well -- and they understand me even less -- so I skip out of a lot of details on my life. They know when I buy new shoes or if my truck needs repairing, but that's about it. I actually lived with my father for the very first time for six months about a year ago. We had no idea who each other were as people until then. I think I take after him a lot. That's why he gets even this much information.

"How did you meet this one?"

I dump my head into my free hand. "I haven't met him yet, Daddy. He saw my picture at a mutual friend's and wanted to meet me."

"Well, that's good. Physical attraction is the first step in relationships..."

I wince. I can't believe I just admitted to my father that I have a blind date. I can't believe he's telling me about physical attraction. I can't believe-

"...Just don't drink too much and blow him out of the water. You know, like you did with the speed dating thing."

Oh, maybe he does know me a little better than I thought.


Phil said...

I bet you do more in a week than he ever did at the same age.

Mum keeps telling me to get on out there!

She was married at 20 and has been for 42 (happy) years. I love her but really what does she know about dating?

jedimerc said...

Considering my folks (combined) have been married 5 more times than I have... I either have a lot to learn about dating or I have learned too much :)

Vince said...

Everyone always assumes their parents are *so* innocent, especially in comparison to themselves, when that is simply not always the case.

Indiana said...

Your Dad sounds like he should be your dating manager...~grin~

M said...

hee, parents are hilarious. Every time I've given info to Mum it comes back to slap me in the face so I don't anymore.

londongirl said...

Brilliant. Parents always know more than we think they do - or more than we hope they do.

Good luck with the date!

Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

As the father of two 30-year-olds, I am sure that your father knows you much better than you may suspect.

James said...

You're dad sounds like a laugh. What's he like when you introduce boyfriends to him?

Amber said...

Heehee... that made me laugh.

Good luck with your date on Sunday and again... I'm way proud of you for getting on out there. I think you make us 20-something-gals, look GOOD!

pinkjellybaby said...

oh argh cringe!!
i hate the question about me and the Boy 'so, how did you two meet?'

i always get raised eyebrows at 'oh on the internet'

so a blind date isn't all that bad! :)

Walter said...

After reading your post I've purchased a cyanide capsule and have it hidden in a small necklace I'll keep with me where ever I go. The day I sound like your father to my daughter is the day I swallow it.

Anonymous said...

lmao. you poor girl. we all go through it.

Jen said...

To funny. This is why I always just give them bare bones information....so they can't remind me of the times I have made a fool of myself. :P

Sarah said...

Phil- At the same age, probably. He was already married for 2 years by this time. But comparing college experiences he wins hands down.

Jedimerc- See I think marriage and dating are two completely different things.

Vince- Oh I know I'm more straitlaced than my father, but he's not supposed to know my dirty secrets.

Indiana- Ha! He'd probably make better decisions at it too! Except that he would make sure I date a Republican. Boo.

M- Yes, I seem to have forgotten this lesson. Vow of silence back on!

LondonGirl- They are not supposed to know about my propensity for drinking! They are supposed to think I stay at home and read! Lol!

Sometimes Saintly Nick- Oh please never tell them what you really know. It's horrifying!

James- My dad asks only one question, "Is he black?"

I don't think he would care if I ever brought a black guy home, but it's become a long running joke :)

Amber- It's my first date of the year!

Pink Jelly Baby- Oh I got the whole, "Be sure to tell someone where you're going because it's a dangerous world" lecture.

Walter- Aw, he's not so bad!

Kate- I was so stunned because I don't remember telling my father exactly how drunk I got. He figured that out for himself!

Jen- Yeah, it's the reminding me of what a screw up part that keeps me from divulging information. And yeah, that ban is back on!

Miss Natalie said...

Your dad sounds a little like my mum, her gem from last year 'Nat, how can you expect any man to find you interesting. You have no interests'

Sarah said...

My mother is so much worse than my father!


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