May As Well

I said goodbye to Jack and began very slowly getting ready for bed. As I brushed my teeth, I stared at my brown eyes in the mirror and brushed slowly. They're a unique color--almost black so it's difficult to distinguish the iris from the pupil. E2 says I steal every photograph because my eyes are so expressive and pop against my light-colored features. I tried to see what she sees. Instead I saw my own loneliness.

This is it, this is all there is, I thought.

And then I did something I very rarely do: I flossed. Since it's going to be just me I may as well have great teeth.

By 10:30 p.m., I was showered and my hair was dry. I drowned single NyQuil capsule with a glass of white wine. I never take any kind of medicine, but for one night I didn't want to toss and turn. I just wanted to sleep. It's just me so I may as well have a good night's rest. It worked.

At my desk the next morning, I lazily logged into my Hotmail account. Waiting for me was a response from The Musician, a guy I e-mailed through my dating service the previous week.

I squealed and clapped my hands. The letter couldn't have had better timing. It felt like a reward for keeping the high road and ending things with the ex.