~Thursday, May 28, 2009

And now for the most ridiculous story you'll ever read

It was late March and Scott and I had just come back from my mother's house. At around midnight he left again for the store for beer. The 15-minute trip had lasted over an hour, judging by the number of Grey's Anatomy episodes I watched on DVD while he was gone. Then I got the sinking feeling he had taken my car, which he does not have permission to do. He doesn't have a driver's license. He will go to jail and my car will be impounded if he is ever caught, not to mention I'll be liable for any damage he causes while driving. We've had fight after fight of him taking my car in the middle of the night, and this time I just happened to be awake.

I got out of bed and searched through my purse for my car keys, telling myself I was going to unload the trunk which I was too lazy to do after I got home from my mother's. The car keys were missing and I checked every spot I could have left them in and found nothing. Finally I open the door to go see if the car is in the parking spot and I see Scott standing out front smoking a cigarette.

"Do you have my car keys?" I demanded.

He reached in his pocket and pulled them out and handed them to me.

"So you took my car?"

"No, I left my cigarettes in the car and went out to go get them," he explained

"Before or after you went to the store?"


"So you took your scooter to the store with my car keys in your pocket?" I clarified.

He agreed.

I marched down to the parking spot and saw my car was in the same space, but this time the car was straight in the space. When I came home from my mother's, I had parked crooked and even made a comment to Scott about it. When I turned the car back on to adjust my parking job, Scott protested and said it was fine, so I left the car parked crooked.

I opened the trunk to get the rest of my things out, and saw the boxes weren't lined up neatly like I left it. Scott had driven my car so hard that my boxes had tipped over, spilling the contents everywhere. I. was. furious. On a level of 1 to 10, I was a solid 8.

Back in the apartment Scott was showering. I didn't care. I stood outside the shower curtain and called him a liar. Not only did he take my car, but he lied about it to my face. He ignored me and I fumed. When he got out of the shower, I resumed yelling and he admitted he took my car. He said he did go in there just to get his cigarettes, but he already had my car keys and temptation was just too great. Then he said he lied about it so I wouldn't yell at him. That he was protecting me from things that will make me angry and I shot back that the only one he was protecting was himself. And then I probably called him selfish and only looking out for Number One.

The next morning I was still angry with Scott and his lack of boundaries. That mine is indeed not yours whenever you want it. We've had this exact fight over him taking my car at least eight times. I decided to employ some retail therapy to calm down and I get in my car and drive to a local home goods discount store.

As I pull out on the road, my car stinks. It smells like shit. Literally. The smell was so overpowering that I pull over on the side of the road in a bad neighborhood just to get out of the car and inspect it. And there, on the driver's side floor mat, is a pile of human shit. Corn and all. Not only did Scott steal my car and lied about it, but he also took a dump in it. (He says he has IBS, but I say he has a drinking problem to explain why he can't control himself, but this is so not the point here.) There are human feces left by my boyfriend, the person I have sex with, in my new car.

Luckily for me on the same street is the car wash Scott used to work at long ago. I pull up and ask how much it is to get the car shampooed. It was too expensive even if I did have a job. Then I ask about getting just the mats washed. It's still over $20. Defeated and tearing up a little bit, I thank the teenager for his time and begin to turn my car around. He runs after me. It's raining outside and I'll probably be his only customer for hours.

"Hey, what do you need?" He probed.

I start to cry. "There is shit in my car. Human shit. It's not my shit, it's another person's--it's a long story that I don't want to get into it--but there is shit in my car and I want it out." My tears match the speed of the rain by now.

"We'll wash just that one mat for you for 5 dollars," he gently responded.

"Okay," I sniffed.

And so with the looks and stares from every employee at the car wash who by now has heard of what's going on, I get my car mat cleaned.

When I arrive back at the apartment, the car wash incident has removed my want for shopping. Scott is awake and watching TV on the couch. "So you're not going to talk to me?" he asked.

"I'll talk to you. I just paid to have my car detailed because you took a shit in it!" I yelled.

He got up from the couch, all of a sudden giving me the silent treatment, and showered again for work. I know now that the reason he showered the night before was to wash himself after crapping his pants, and I think of him just standing outside our apartment door last night, smoking that cigarette with shit in his pants, and I'm disgusted. I'm beyond disgusted.

After his shower he walks in the closet where I'm folding some clothes. He pulls open the drawer to his dresser and pulls out an undershirt. "You know we're over, right?" he mutters.

"Fine," I respond coolly, "Go take a dump in some other girl's car."

And that's when he did it. He choked me. He extended his right arm, grabbed my neck and pushed me back against the wall of the closet, my hanging work blouses draping over my shoulders. I was halfway expecting it; it's not the first time he's done it. In the past I've experimented with the best ways to react to him grabbing my neck and pinning me against the wall. I find that acting submissive will make it over faster and fighting back just prolongs it, but he needed to know that this was not okay.

So I punched him. I've never punched anyone before and still didn't have it in me to punch him in the face or stomach, so I went for the temple. And I punched him until I broke his skin and my knuckles turned blue, and until he let go of me.

When he released me I ran past him and grabbed my phone. I told him if he didn't leave right away I was going to call the police. He retorted that he would lie to them and tell them he didn't do anything and they would take me to jail. After all, he had a cut on his head and my skin was just red. I had a cut from him on my neck, but I hadn't exactly taken the time to inspect myself yet. Then he told me that the police told him if they had to come to our apartment again, they were going to take both of us to jail. I didn't know what to believe. I did hit him back. My hand throbbed.

And so did my neck, considering I just had surgery on it.

Instead I called my mom who rushed into the city. She asked Scott to his face if he stole my car, took a dump in it and then choked me over it, because the accusations are just to fantastical to believe. He agreed with the first two, but then told my mother that I attacked him and he did it out of self-defense to me.

I couldn't believe he would lie to my own mother. I was broken. The rage in me subsided and I was just overtaken with sadness over my life predicament. I left the room and sat in the corner of my bedroom and cried. I heard what Scott said, "See this is what she does. She yells and then she cries." My mother collected me and we left for dinner. She ate; I didn't.

She told me the relationship was dead and that I did everything I could, but there was nothing left. How disrespectful and out of his mind must someone be to crap his own pants and not even be embarrassed about it. I was caught up with my apartment, the one I had to work for the last time I was laid off and got dumped and had to move home when I was 24. I couldn't do it again at 28. I should be able to take care of myself and not be weak. This was my apartment, my deposits that I put down years before I even met him. I shouldn't have to give it up.

My mother said she was worried for me. And all the men who found out what happened all said they were going to drive over and talk to Scott about choking me, but no one did anything.

And neither did I.


Anonymous said...

that man not only crapped his pants..he WAS crap. All of him. Am so glad you guys are over!

nicole said...

wow... i can't even believe all of that. that's just crazy. i'm glad you are out of that situation!

Lpeg said...

I was eating lunch when I started reading this, and had to stop before I could finish this. Seriously? SERIOUSLY? Wow. There are no words for that...

I am glad you guys are done...

Wow. Just Wow.

Jewels said...

wow. sick to my stomach. he was a complete A$$hole!!!!! You are definitely better off. I'm glad you are out of that situation.

Anonymous said...

Glad you are safe!!! NEVER let a man put his hands on you again.

ChicagoSane said...

Sorry to hear this. You did the right thing.

I've knocked teeth out of more than one dumb fuck for grabbing a woman inappropriately. If you ever get attacked again, let me know. I'll make them remember why they can't do this.

LizSara said...

OH honey,word fail me. I'm so glad you are safe now and well done for fighting back or who knows if you'd be able to tell this story

kristinblakely said...


Trucker-mouth Wife said...

I'm not sure how I stumbled across your blog, and I've been reading it for a while, but this is the first time I've ever felt that I NEEDED to comment.

I am so sorry that you have endured all that you have, but you are so much better off without him, and I hope you know that! What a piece of shit!

I'm glad that you are able to tell these stories because maybe the healing can begin. I hope that you can look back and see that NO ONE deserves to be treated like that.

Best of luck to you.

Blue soup said...

Sarah, when I first read that you and Scott were over I felt so sad for you, for finding someone wonderful and it going wrong. Now I just feel so relieved that you are out of that relationship, away from a man who thinks it is acceptable to behave the way he does and is violent towards you. You deserve so much better. x

Emma said...

Wow. That really is the most ridiculous story I will ever read.

So sorry that happened but glad you're out of that situation and safe. Please keep yourself safe!

dawn said...

As the old saying goes: "Good riddance to bad shit." That IS the saying, right? Well, it should be.

Be well. Only good things for you from here on in...

Sarah said...

As I'm sitting here remembering this incident, I still think the thing that makes me the angriest is that he took a dump in my car. I mean, who does that? I feel like I am the only person in the world who has had a boyfriend shit in her car and now I'm going to win all these "worst ex story" contests over it. And I don't want to win a contest like that. And I don't want to be the only person in the world who has had a boyfriend shit in her car.

Girls have been choked before, but have they ever had someone SHIT IN THEIR CARS?

TexInTheCity said...

WOW. I am sorry that you had to endure that but I am glad that you are out of the relationship.

Peace out, and for you especially within.


SuvvyGirl said...

You did't do nothing...you fought back. Granted there are people out there that won't agree with me that hitting him back was the right thing to do but I think it was dead on. I have done martial arts since I was 8 and have taught self defense classes for a number of years and I'm proud you defended yourself.

You are not weak.

Time Traveller said...

I want to say something, but I am utterly gobsmacked. I've read and heard about, indeed experienced some assholes in my time, but this loon takes the biscuit.

What is WRONG with him?? Seriously?

Not only do you nurse him back to health, pay for him when he has no money, put up with his violent and ridiculous behaviour, he is not only ungrateful, he's somehow angry at you?

Please, please do not get back together with him, no matter what he says or what he does, as you say he will always be the guy that shat in your car, LEFT IT there and then smoked a cigarette with soiled pants.

Breeza said...

I'm so sorry to read this. You deserve soooo much better and will find it someday. For now, I hope you are healing.

gekkogirl said...

I don't know what to say. Hang on. I do.

OMG. I'm so glad you are safe now and so sorry you went through this. Overall just glad you're safe and well and loved by friends and family. xxx

Eileen Dover said...

I'm so glad you are out of there... SO SO GLAD.

That's all I can say. I wish I knew what else there was.

I wish you called the police, though. I've been in that situation where I've been told that they will lie in front of the police and fell for it. The trouble with a liar - and even a good liar - is that they will forget their story and make mistakes.

I learned to never fall for that BS a second time. (And I'm going through a second time now for something similar-but-different... and I feel a bit better just trusting myself.)

Melissa said...

wow... sweetheart, you are so much braver than your words will ever make you sound. Keep writing it all out.

Anonymous said...

Yet another reason why I am so grateful for AA and recovery. I pray that Scott can find that someday. I pray even harder that you find peace and strength within yourself to be the person you were before he broke you.

Single Girl said...

I don't even know what to say. My jaw has been on the floor since I started reading this post. The only thing I can think of to say, and it wouldn't even be enough, would be good riddance, what a sad excuse for a human being he is. Ugh. I'm just so disgusted with him. Like others have said, I'm glad you've gotten away from him and are now seeing a therapist. If you decide you want to see a different one, let me know, I love mine and have been seeing her for a few years now.

nicole said...

holy crap!!! i am so sorry you had to go through that! seriously, taking a dump in someone's car?! and not even caring! that is absolutely disgusting! and judging by how many people read your blog.. i'm assuming he will never live that down. that's just childish. not even, because even children get embarrassed when they poop themselves. that's like, infantile! how old is this guy, seriously? because he acts like he was born yesterday! you should seriously give him some diapers as a final parting gift.

and he should seriously feel SO LUCKY that my husband is on his way to iraq right now because he has ZERO tolerance for guys that beat up their girlfriends. one of his good friends was just put into a coma by her husband, and he killed himself. my husband has been ITCHING to kick someone's ass.

i am so glad you are home with your mom! even if it feels awful. i just moved in with my parents today. i brought my baby too. so i can relate.

sending you big hugs! i am keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

<3 nicole

Peach said...

you know, what choked me up most was reading how you said you just felt sad about your life predicament - I totally get that. I'm so sorry to read that you had such a horrible experience with Scott - you didn't deserve anything but happiness and, instead, you got a horrible guy doing horrible things to you. You're a wonderful, gorgeous, caring, loving, funny, intelligent and brilliant person Sarah, you will get over and past this and he will be nothing more than an anecdote you don't want in your past - rather than an abusive arsehole in your present. I so guessed he'd been violent, alcohol and abuse nearly go hand in hand with some people, what a dickhead... but I am glad no-one "showed" him the error of his ways, you will be glad too one day, retaliation is hollow.

Keep safe and am sending you all the good vibes I can think of!

Love, as always XXXX

Sahara said...

You DID do something - you got the hell out. That's amazing. Now, whatever you do, don't go back to that loser. I don't agree with other commenters that he was ever 'wonderful'. I could see this coming from a mile off - he's always been bad news, but you were blinded by love. Now you've seen the light, you've made the hardest step, so keep moving forward. And get a new therapist that you respect and who doesn't treat you like a five-year-old.

I still can't fucking believe he did a shit in your car.

trinity2 said...

I'm glad you're safe, Sarah and don't doubt yourself - you did do something. You left! There are a lot of people out there that wouldn't be able TO leave.

J said...

Unbelieveable! Like the others said, glad you are out of there and safe. Hugs.

AmyB said...

This made me sick to my stomach for you. NOT because of the feces, but because you clearly had been living far too long with a person with major, scary anger issues. I CAN'T BELIEVE HE TOUCHED YOU - more than once!!!!!

I'm so glad you got out of there. Try not to think about what you had to give up (apartment, etc) to leave. Think about what you won't have to endure in the future because he isn't in it. Bless you, sweets!

Lauri said...

I think you should post his name all over the net as the one who drinks too much and then shits in cars...his parents must be so proud...so glad you're out of that...

M said...

jesus christ.
I hope you will be okay soon. You deserve a lot better than this.

Anonymous said...

Sarah, that is such a shocking scenario, I feel sick to my stomache for you. Thank God you had the courage to leave. Now you must be kind to yourself and remember how strong you can be and what a lot you have to offer someone a whole lot more worthy of your love and attention than Scott.It really sounds like he has mental health issues in addition to his drinking problems.

dont eat the token said...

fuckity fuck. I am so sorry you had to live through such extremes. xo Am very glad your mom was there to take care of you for your surgery and after shit-pants.

dont eat the token said...

Whenever I worry about spending money or losing something that I think is valuable - Jukebox reminds me: "Is it worth dying over $20?"

It's okay that you don't have your apartment or a perfect job right now. You're alive and are away from someone capable of doing worse things.

Paige Jennifer said...

Sarah, Scott is sick, as in mentally off his rocker. You never could have saved him. And sadly, because of his illness, he's immune to his reality.

Getting out was the first step, and a very important one at that. Yay you! It seems so obvious but I'll say it still - you deserve so much better.

Next time I'm in town, I'm making you meet me for a coffee or something (my treat) just so I can give you a hug, dammit.


Anonymous said...

"This isn't the first time he did it"?

Seriously. I'm glad you guys are over.

But I'm just going to be honest and lay it out there. WHY THE HELL WERE YOU WITH SOMEONE LIKE THAT? You should have called the police to arrest him for putting his hands on you. I am shocked that your mother even had to get involved before you left on your own accord.

It's good to hear you are taking a break. But honestly, you probably shouldn't be dating either and just healing yourself and finding out what is best for you. I hope you are telling your therapist everything.

Anonymous said...

I'm glad that you are out of that situation and in a safe place. Even though it feels like life sucks at the moment it will get better.

I think maybe you need to consider the reason you stayed with him for so long. Why did it take such a horrific act to get you to leave? You need to learn to treat yourself better, and hopefully theapy will help.

nuttycow said...

Jesus. And wow. What a... well. Let's just say if I'd have been there...

Phew. You have to thank your lucky stars every day that you're out of that one.


Lisa Chelle said...

I have read you for a while.

It's funny how the longer you are with someone the more acceptable everything comes. Until that I can do better than this line blurrs. I am so glad you got out. Starting over sucks, but now you can live your life on your terms.

Lilly said...

Oh my god! I ran across this tonight and I laughed my ass off and remembered your story. Had to share it: http://static.happyplace.com/assets/images/2011/12/4ef37045e50fd.jpeg


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