~Thursday, September 02, 2010


NOTE: Thank you for everyone's comments; they were each helpful and gave me a lot to think about.

NOTE: Inspired by Hope.

It's approaching 5 months since I've been on a date, and a part of me wonders if I am ready. (Honestly? Most days the answer is "no.") My experience with guys the last several years has been so bad that I feel shy about trying to open that part of myself to someone else only for it to be destroyed again. (Twice bitten, four times shy.)

I've tried to overcome it by talking about it to my friends. Acknowledge my serial dating in a self-deprecating and joking manner. (See: 500,000 men on Facebook.) But Government Mule (recently made guy-friend and owner of the Facebook profile I wrote on) and I were sitting topless in a hot tub drinking gin and tonnies at 3 a.m. one night when the subject of dating comes up again. He tells me I talk about it too much.(Hey, buddy, you just joined the group... last November.) So I went from not talking about it at all, to talking about it too much.

To be fair though, Harvey is married and therefore never talks about dating. Katie and her sister have no interest in dating and therefore never talk about dating. (Both did stints on eHarmoney with no results.) Government Mule and Swayze (the boys) don't date for whatever reason and therefore never talk about dating. (GM did all of his dating before joining the group and Swayze is delightfully and endearingly awkward around girls.) In the four years we've been hanging out, I am the only person to bring along a date. And in my group, that makes me the weird one. (But I don't feel weird. Why can't they be the weird ones?)

We also never talk about sex (which I have to say has been really bugging me lately). I miss the days in college where Harvey and I did some pretty wild things and then swap stories the next day. Harvey and I will still talk when we're alone (reminiscing on those stories from college), but it's like the group is asexual and my attempts to not make it asexual lately have not gone unnoticed. (Bah. The whole thing is making me feel little dirty.)

So we were sitting in the hot tub topless (once again, my attempt to spice things up and remind everyone that we just share the love of beer and college football, we also have girl parts and boy parts) and he tells me that I'm brazen. (Well yes, we're both topless and I'm the only one where it counts.) He tells me I ask the questions that no one else does. (I'd like to thank my years spent as a journalist.) And he says it's because of this that I'm not going to do well on Plenty of Fish or even eHarmony. (Humpf.) He said I needed to be friends with someone first and then build a relationship off of that. (I think that was a really long-winded way of saying I have diarrhea of the mouth and need someone who already knows this and can get past it.)

To which I have called the whole experiment a fail and have abandoned talking about dating to my friends. (Munch, munch, munch and eat more of my feelings.)


Curvy Jones said...

More to the point, men don't talk about dating. Neither do committed women or women who've given up. It's either awkward, boring, or painful.

I've learned this lesson as well and just don't say anything until someone has asked me, for the umpteenth time, ever, "So.... you just never wanted to date, or??? I just can't believe you're single."

To which I roll my eyes, flip them the bird and change the subject.

The right audience is important. And really, misery does love company.

Sarah said...

I <3 you.

The blog will just have to continue to be my audience.

La Femme said...

Maybe try meetup.com that way it's not a giant "I want to date you RIGHT NOW" kind of situation, ya know?

Anonymous said...

i'll talk to you about it. oh wait. i do!

Anonymous said...

Love being your audience!

Bathwater said...

Sounds like you and I should switch groups of friends, you would fit right in with , Alexis, Elle and Sam and I would fit right in with your bunch.

Anonymous said...

i love hearing your stories. :) i'm always here!

funny, my married friends [girls mainly, surprise] loved hearing all the dirt of when i was dating and love hearing goss whenever possible. could be because my bestie lives in the middle of Nowhere British Columbia and I live in the Big city, Vancouver.But I'll take it.

Definitely the right audience is important....it took me awhile to get that...

Anonymous said...

Well you and I are both doing the dating or lack there of scene together. We may be in two very completely different states but you're always welcome to talk to me about it. I think my friends are getting tired of hearing about it too :p

cornflakegirl74 said...

I'd also like to join the group of girls who feels she is unable to share my feelings about dating with friends. I actually just took a mental survey and couldn't think of three gfs who are currently not married or in a serious relationship, so it's difficult. That being said, I always enjoy reading your posts and as your other commentors have already stated: we'll be your audience :)

American Bridget said...

Hang in there girl!!!! I've got similar stories and tales.

Just came across your blog and read a few posts and love it! I’ve just started (it’s a work in progress for sure) a new blog about being a singleton in my 30s. Would love to follow you and hope you do the same! You can find me at:



Anonymous said...

friends in relationships or not, i NEED friends i can talk about dating and guys with. and lucky me, i have those friends. dish your gossip on here, i'll sure read it!

Jason said...

Any chance Gov't Mule had subtext to his speech? Maybe saying you wouldn't do well on POF or eHarmony, and need to be friends first was his way of saying "Look at who you're friends with now...friends enough to be sitting topless in a hot tub"...

Any spark there?

Sarah said...

We get along really well, but I'm not sure of an attraction. The group dynamic, asexual as it may be, works as it is. Not to mention other people have avoided dating for the same reason, so once again I would be the one to slut it up.

dont eat the token said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
dont eat the token said...

Thanks for sharing all this! It sounds like a weird place to be in... When it's a good guy/the right guy, there won't be so many rules.

Dude may as well told you you're not doing well on that dating site b/c you're not easy, also.

Keep being you!


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