~Monday, April 18, 2011

Sleeping with the Enemy

We had sex. The dirty, selfish, 9-1/2 Weeks kind where both participants are focused on his and her own pleasure. The kind of sex you have when you don't know when your next opportunity will be. Things were done. And truth be told, I was the instigator of most of those things.

What have I done?

My stomach dropped. I just had dirty, selfish sex with someone that I am going to have to see again. And what about Clemson's feelings? What about Statham's ex? I'm pretty sure I already made her cry once this weekend. Oh god.

Statham came up behind me and sucked in air through his teeth. "You have scratch marks all the way down your back. I'm sorry."

Oh god.

Oh god. Oh god. Oh god.

I wanted to be friends with these people and what I ended up doing was creating the most volatile situation imaginable. I slept with a guy who broke up with his girlfriend 48 hours earlier, who is also in the same group. She's going to hate me and I don't blame her one bit. I feel like the other woman, a homewrecker. Word is going to get out and I'm going to be known as The Hussy.

But I'm not a hussy! The last time I slept with someone I wasn't dating was S in 2007, and even that turned into a two-year relationship. Before that was Nick in 2005, and he was a good friend from college. I don't do strange.

We got in the shower together. The conversation was awkward. "So, uh, how's your kickball season going?" he asked.

"We haven't won yet."


He left me alone to re-dress. The gravity of the situation hit me and I began to shake. Even though he's single, Statham's not available. Everyone had been joking all weekend that they were going to get back together within the week. He kept assuring me that's not the case, but let's be real here: I knew he was lying. He, at the very least, didn't know what was going to happen.

He reappeared in the hallway where our clothes had been strewn. He pressed me against the wall and began caressing my side.

"You okay?"

"I think... I think I need to sit down," I stammered. Instead of finding a piece of furniture to sit down upon, my back slid down the wall and I plopped on the carpet. I grabbed the towel I used minutes earlier and tried to use it as a security blanket, but Statham grabbed it out of my hands and tossed it aside.

"You think this was a mistake," he said slowly. "It's written all over your face."

Yes. "No." I paused, "Just promise me one thing: when you get back together with your ex, this never happened."

He tilted his head back against the wall and closed his eyes. "I know people have been joking all weekend, taking bets about when we're getting back together, but it's different this time. This wasn't one of our usual breakups. There was closure." He met my eyes and held them, "I don't regret what I did with you. Not one bit."

"It's just I'm new and I'm trying to make friends. I don't want gossip and I don't want a reputation."

He laughed. "It's an incestuous group. Everybody has slept with everybody—except for me of course because I've been in a relationship—and what you've done is nothing compared to the rest of them.

"I have a good time with you," he continued. "When we were hanging out at the team bar and we were all invited to the Mexican restaurant, I was excited to hang out with you more! I thought you were giving me a vibe."

I clasped my hands to my face and groaned, "I'm not supposed to be giving out the vibe!" And if I remember correctly, I didn't. At least not intentionally. Don't get me wrong, I've given Statham the vibe before, but at the team bar he was the one who approached me.

He popped up behind my barstool, "Listen, we have to talk about your shorts."

I looked down. I was wearing little red running shorts with my alma mater stamped on the leg. I looked at Statham's shorts. He was wearing the basketball shorts of the enemy. My rival school.

"My shorts are more socially adept than your shorts," I teased.

"My shorts are smarter than your your shorts."

"My shorts can outdrink your shorts."

"My shorts make more money than your shorts."

"My shorts have hot girls!" I shouted.

"Touche," he smiled.

So, no, it wasn't me. Or at least it didn't start with me.

"And then I get to the Mexican restaurant and the ex was there..." he trailed off. "She wasn't supposed to be there."

"I didn't know it was her."

"I was trying to get you to go home with me last night, but Clemson wouldn't leave," he snarled. I stayed silent. "And today at the pub you ignored me," he playfully slapped my leg. "Now it's Sunday night and we both have to be at work in the morning. So what now?" he asked.

"I don't know," I shrugged. My mind was blank. I kept thinking about when Valdosta dumped me. I invited him up to my apartment and he said no, that we needed to separate and let things marinate. That's what I wanted in this moment. I wanted to leave, let the dust settle and have time to sort out my feelings.

He tilted his head to the side and tisked. "You still think this was a mistake, don't you?"

Yes. "No."

But I already know this was a mistake, because I just put myself in a prime situation to get hurt. Your twenties are for making mistakes though. Thank god I got one week left.

"At least you can cross 'sleeping with the enemy' off your list of things to do before you're 30," he chuckled.

The tension broke and I laughed. I shook my head, "You know, I think you are my first."

I just don't know yet if this was a good mistake or a bad mistake.


Jai said...

nothing in life is a mistake....everything happens because it is supose too.....

Bathwater said...

I don't think it was a mistake either, let the cards fall. You haven't done anything wrong.

j said...

I like your last line. There are have been many situations where I have thought the same thing. I hope it was a good mistake.

Anonymous said...

Pease don't worry about it. As he said:
"It's an incestuous group. Everybody has slept with everybody"

His ex will deal with it like everyone else dealt with their incestuous group dynamics.

If you like this guy, please date him. Give love a chance. You deserve it, dammit :)

Happy Birthday, by the way. Hope you have a great celebration. I wonder how many things you've been able to cross off your 30 before 30 list so far.

Anonymous said...

I don't think you should see it as a mistake, but I disagree with Anonymous when s/he says to date him if you want to. He's just broken up with his ex and even if he says this really is the last time and they won't be getting back together despite everyone's jokes about it, that alone has got 'trouble' written all over it.

Maura said...

You are like me in that we can be hard on ourselves in times when it's not really warranted - but I also believe if something in your gut is not feeling right about what transpired, you should listen to it. Sometimes we have a million pieces of advice and perspectives coming at us (which I just threw in another one) but usually deep down, if we pay attention close enough, we know the answer...or at least a part of it. I have faith you'll figure it all out, and enter your 30th year being the fabulous, witty, smart, insightful woman you are.

Simmarah said...

Finally!!! I get to know what happens...

Life happens sometimes :)

Me said...

We all make mistakes.

I agree with always being, uhm, alert, with a dude who just broke up with a girlfriend, but you will be just fine. Take it for what it was. Sounds like kick ass sex. ;)

Je m'appelle Danielle said...

I wouldn't worry yourself too much about thinking if it was a good mistake or bad mistake. Take it for what it was, hot dirty sex. If you overanalyze it you may implode.

J said...

Sounds too soon to tell how things will pan out, but I don't think you did anything wrong! Sometimes you just need to get some, you know? These are the advantages to being a single gal...

NotAMistake said...

... but he has just broken up, so if you really like him, you should take it - really - slow from now on and let him get over his ex.

I know exactly what you are feeling, but seriously, see it for what it is, a good time with someone fun. No promises, no expectations.

jo said...

so yes it's possibly a tricky situation. and maybe it wasn't the best idea with sleeping with a guy who just broke up with his girlfriend. but that being said, he IS single. so technically you didn't really do anything wrong.

treacle said...

I'm with Jai... and also, give yourself a break Sarah, it's going to be okay.

If you want time for things to marinate before you decide what you want (or don't) next, please take courage and tell him.

Gwen. said...

Ugh. Is that it?! So much friggin' build-up and drama ...all for that? What a let down. You got drunk and got laid. Big deal. Welcome to life. Nice that all your bloggie buds are rallying round right on cue to assuage your severely low sense of self-esteem and tell you ALL IS WELL. That, my dear, is an inside job. I'm done with this blog, it's become whiny and predicable.

Anonymous said...

Well, Gwen is a terrible loss from this blog's comment pages!

Let's all hold a moment's silence while we contemplate the misery of her departure.

Oh, the lump in my throat... I don't think I can go on...

Bathwater said...

Really why is Gwen got here skirt in a bunch? Maybe is needs to get laid. Someone buy HER a few shots.


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