~Monday, July 25, 2011

Life Fail

Saturday morning, after the incredibly stupid decision to get three hours of sleep, I showed up at bootcamp with Lawyered.

"Today, we are focusing on legs," one of the instructors called out.

I smiled triumphantly. Legs! I have legs! I run! I got this! And if we are doing legs, there will be no burpees! Everybody wins!

I did not win. I did not know there were 74 variations of squats, but we did them all.

At the end of the hour-long class, I was literally hanging on a chain-linked fence and groaning while I was doing some squat hold with butt lifts. Normally I glisten like a lady, but this morning I glistened right through my t-shirt. The nice instructor who says "Nice job, Miss Sarah!" walked away and the mean one approached.

I'm holding my squat with my fingers intertwined in the metal loops for support. There is no lifting of my butt. My stomach is decidedly unsettled. I'm 50/50 as to whether I'm going to yak or die.

"You're not low enough," the mean instructor said flatly.

"Mmphugrn," I groaned.

Then she grabbed me and pushed me down into a squat so low, I could have peed in the woods. I felt an unholy amount of pain as everything in my body ripped. I hollered.

"It hurts!"

"It's supposed to," she said flatly.

She won. It's been three days and basic movement is still a challenge. This morning someone dropped a file in front of me. I stood there like an asshole. "I'd pick it up for you, but I can't."

And that's all I have going on in my life. When people ask me what's new, I immediately apologize for being so boring. So let's play a game. Ask me anything in the comments section. I'll have a few drinks, watch youtube videos of flaming shot fails, and then answer your questions.

18 comments:

Anonymous said...

What's your best holiday destination and why?

Thisisme said...

Do you have a funny blogger nickname picked out for when you meet your life partner/future husband?

J said...

What's one of your "can't live without" beauty products?

heisschic said...

i'd like to hear a sexual mishap story. everyone has that bj gone wrong story- are you willing to share yours?

freckledk said...

Team Edward or Team Jacob?

Emma said...

How do you feel about your readers? Do you like it if they leave comments or are ok they lurk? Do you recognize most of the commenters' names?

Paige Jennifer said...

I had the same issue when I did boot camp. I'd come to work and moan my way toward my desk, which includes two steps after a short hallway. TWO STEPS! "Want to borrow my walker?" my gimpy father asked with a snicker whenever I passed him. I would have kicked his ass but too sore to lift my legs.

Angela said...

I'm sleepy, and can't think of anything but whether or not you'd post a picture of something hand-written. I've noticed more people doing that lately - like this lady, who hates using her phone to post anything long: http://honeyrockdawn.com/2011/07/i-held-a-hummingbird/

Bathwater said...

You never fail. Don't you feel judged by your readers sometimes? Do you ever feel like quiting your blog?

Anonymous said...

I have a raging crush on one of my co-workers and I am fairly sure it is not reciprocated. How do I get over it so I can go back to working! ;) (Hm, I am thinking an advice column could be a regular feature here!)

Northern Lass said...

Just keep thinking 'buns of steel'.

It took me 4 days to start walking normally again after the 10k run. I literally feel your pain.

My Q: Has your blog ever been discovered by 'acquaintances' in the 'real world'? How did you deal with it?

Maura said...

Goose or Kettle?

Charlotte (Lilly) said...

"I stood there like an asshole." lol

Bucket list...what's the craziest thing on yours and what's the most sentimental one?

Scrumps said...

What's the song that you love but people would cringe if they knew that you liked it?!

jo said...

haha! somehow i think bootcamp would be fun. painful, but fun. and think of how amazing your legs will look. okay it's fairly obvious that i have no life haha!

HomeImprovementNinja said...

If instead of your current job, you had to do an "extreme" job (like racecar driver or something), what job would you pick?

Charlotte said...

good god, that sounds excrutiating! hope you feel better soon.

hmm... best sex ever? would love the answer to that! :)

alien said...

Ever thought of leaving your current city? It seems like a necklace of heartache around your neck. Maybe you'd find a better love life elsewhere.

 

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