Life Fail

Saturday morning, after the incredibly stupid decision to get three hours of sleep, I showed up at bootcamp with Lawyered.

"Today, we are focusing on legs," one of the instructors called out.

I smiled triumphantly. Legs! I have legs! I run! I got this! And if we are doing legs, there will be no burpees! Everybody wins!

I did not win. I did not know there were 74 variations of squats, but we did them all.

At the end of the hour-long class, I was literally hanging on a chain-linked fence and groaning while I was doing some squat hold with butt lifts. Normally I glisten like a lady, but this morning I glistened right through my t-shirt. The nice instructor who says "Nice job, Miss Sarah!" walked away and the mean one approached.

I'm holding my squat with my fingers intertwined in the metal loops for support. There is no lifting of my butt. My stomach is decidedly unsettled. I'm 50/50 as to whether I'm going to yak or die.

"You're not low enough," the mean instructor said flatly.

"Mmphugrn," I groaned.

Then she grabbed me and pushed me down into a squat so low, I could have peed in the woods. I felt an unholy amount of pain as everything in my body ripped. I hollered.

"It hurts!"

"It's supposed to," she said flatly.

She won. It's been three days and basic movement is still a challenge. This morning someone dropped a file in front of me. I stood there like an asshole. "I'd pick it up for you, but I can't."

And that's all I have going on in my life. When people ask me what's new, I immediately apologize for being so boring. So let's play a game. Ask me anything in the comments section. I'll have a few drinks, watch youtube videos of flaming shot fails, and then answer your questions.