The Civil War and Dysentary

E got a fatty.

She was not happy about that.

"You have your thing with teeth and bald people," she said. "Let me have my thing with fat guys!"

"I also have a thing with voices," I said.

To be fair, E's date wasn't a Dungeons and Dragons Cheeto-stained finger breed of fatty. He was more of a ex-athlete fatty. And a complete sweetheart.

My dreams of the four of us group dating have been dashed.

E's not in a good mood today. She was disappointed with the whole ordeal. Personally, I liked him. He was funny, loved karaoke, and a perfect gentleman, but E's not attracted and that's all that matters.

***

When I asked for last minute advice from the girl that set us up, she said, "Be yourself." I immediately scoffed her. Who is herself on the first date? You're sweet and polite and proper.

So I asked her husband for advice before I left work on Friday. "Be bold," he said. "BDB is really shy so you need to be bold to bring him out of his shell."

"If I was bold, I'd scare him away," I retorted. Last thing I need is a frightened boy on my hands.

***

They were waiting for us at the bar in the front of the restaurant. They closed out their tabs and we got a table in the darkest restaurant ever. An old man wearing a Daffy Duck tie seated us and offered to get us a drink. The place reminded me of some mafia owned restaurant where you see the old man in the corner wearing sunglasses and smoking a cigar. I checked, there was none.

The first five minutes were painful. Then I announced my mafia comment. E then said that this restaurant must only employ really old people, like from a program or something. "Well, when they're not working at Publix," I joked.

"Or greeting at Wal-Mart," laughed E's date.

"He looks like that dancing guy from the Six Flags commercial," spoke BDB and we all laughed.

The conversation didn't pause after that. Being the outgoing ones, E's date and I carried most of the conversation. We talked of the most random things imaginable, like who could name the most obscure fact about Jewel. I was so comfortable that I forgot I was going to try to be reserved, but I was myself to the core. (My obscure fact about Jewel was her book of poetry mentions her breast in every poem.)

BDB didn't talk much and I worried he was disappointed with meeting me, but I remembered that he was shy. I caught his eye a few times. We spent so much time laughing and talking that we barely touched our food. I was already planning weekends to the beach in my head that would never happen. When the check came the boys paid. I told BDB I would buy him a beer at the concert.

We got to the park and E and I found some chairs and we all sat. E said something to her date and I high fived her for it. I looked at BDB, "I'm trying to bring back the high five," I explained. "Well that and 'Not.' As in, 'That was a great movie. Not.'" (Oh god, I can really be such a loser at times.)

Instead of looking horrified or frightened, BDB laughed.

It was then we paired off. E talked with her date and I talked with BDB nonstop. We talked about my college, his college, MySpace versus Facebook, the civil war and dysentery: we got really silly. He was a really good sport and kept up with my antics.

I was feeling buzzed and was in such a good mood that I leaned into him and whispered, "Hey lets go to the bar and do shots." It was the second one really that done me in. He bet me I wouldn't do a shot of Crown and you don't tell me that I won't do anything.

When we left and started walking back to our cars, I looped my arm inside his to steady myself. He put his arm around me. When I got in E's car, BDB closed the door for me. Good manners turn me on.

I was myself and I had such a good time. That's all that counts. It doesn't matter to me if he calls or not.