~Friday, February 09, 2007


For a couple of months E and I were planning a triple date this Saturday with a mutual friend and her new boyfriend's friends. We've actually been talking about it since November and have made and broke the date a few times, but since the new year, it has always been this date.

Until Monday. E decides that she is too tired and just wants to stay home this weekend and not go out. I was disappointed of course. Her actions affect more than just herself, but I just told myself another time. Well this morning she runs into my office and says, "Guess what? I'm having dinner with T tomorrow night!" Oh you mean Saturday night? The night we had all planned on going? And you mean T? The guy they were going to set me up with?

Now I'm not going to fight over someone I have never met, so I let that go. But it absolutely fucking sucks that she broke the plans because she was tired, but now she's going on them. Matter of fact everyone is. But me. I had somehow become excluded.

I have been nothing but a fucking fantastic friend to her. When--

Wow, I just had to put this post down to go cry in the bathroom at work.

She had been on a one date with this guy and then she dumped him because she doesn't have sex and, well, he does. I met him shortly thereafter and he pursued me for 3 straight months and I said kept saying no because she was my friend and, even though she dumped him, she was still hung up on him. And I liked him. I would have dated him, but I didn't because I knew it would hurt her. When her "friend" stood her up, I was the one who provided the entertainment for her to distract her over a guy who couldn't even call her. When she finally met some of my other friends last week, she wanted to bail out early and have the drunkest girl in the bar drive me home when I have been hanging around her other friends from the very beginning.

And now the evening I worked out with the boyfriend is going to be had with everyone but me. When she exclaimed that she had the date tomorrow night, I told her exactly how I felt. That I thought it was shysty maneuvering to cancel the whole evening and then call it back on last night and exclude me. I am not invited because E's original date will not be there. But it's not about the boys; it's about the loyalty. If one of my closest friends disposes of me like she does, what does that say about me? To my feelings she said, "I knew when I said yes to go that it would upset you."

So why do it then?

I went into the bathroom and cried. Then I called N from my cell phone so she could come to the bathroom and talk to me. N overheard the entire conversation. She heard E say that it wasn't her intention to hurt me. She heard me try to articulate my feelings. N agrees that I got the raw deal. Knowing both of us, N pointed out that at 28, E has never even had a relationship. She's never even had more than four dates with one guy and if she has a chance to meet a guy, she's going to take it.

E still believes in movie love. "You know those statements she makes about how life is with love?" asked N.

"Yeah, like how she said sex with someone you love is automatically the best because love is involved?"

N and I both doubled over laughing.

I wet a fresh paper towel and pressed it under my eyes. "I was watching The OC last night," I began to N. "And on it a girlfriend was complaining that her boyfriend wouldn't tell her that he loved her. So she tries to get him drunk to get him vulnerable enough to admit his feelings. Instead she gets tanked and complains to his face that he doesn't love her. So you know what he does?"

"Tells her he loves her?"

"Exactly! Because that's movie love. And you know what I thought when I saw that?"


"That if I ever tried to pull a stunt like that, he would a) call me a manipulator for trying to trick him, b) tell me he needs space because I'm suffocating him and then c) dump me."

N laughed. She went on to say that it is much easier for me to meet and date boys because I'm charismatic and outgoing. She wanted me to have a little compassion for E in that regards, because she struggles a lot more than I do.

But it still doesn't change the fact that Saturday night I'm going to be home alone, probably crying again, while she's out.


Vince said...

At least you told her how you feel.

It's difficult to see how you could really have done anything differently and still been ok with yourself.

She, on the other hand, had a few other options, and hopefully will smarten up at some point.

Sarah said...

I just feel so helpless. I can't force anybody to like me. I can't force anybody to be my friend, much less a useful one. And I can't force anyone to love me.

I just feel like these are the cards I was given and I need to learn that disappointment shall be a regular noun in my life.

SuvvyGirl said...

Thank God I'm not the only one who watches the O.C. :P Female friends are always dramatic to deal with. That's why most of my friends are guys. They're easier to deal with. Maybe E will remember how this made you feel and take heed the next time a situation like this presents itself. She played your friendship and you were good to call her on it. Hopefully she will realize boys aren't worth losing friends over. But have a good night at home with your dog. They're always the best companions anyway. :)

M said...

I don't think the issue should be that she's less experienced or whatever because well, I guess she'll find out for herself about love - but the fact that she totally undermined you completely sucks! I'd totally be crying in the bathroom too (I HATE crying at work).

Phil said...

She's acting like a 14 year old which I guess, when it comes to dating experience, is about her level.

However N sounds like a good friend.

Vinca Pervanche said...

I don't even know where to begin. I would be furious! I can't imagine one of my crew doing that.

I hate to say it, but are you sure this is someone that you want as a friend?

dont eat token said...

N rox

E sux

You are amazing for being able to articulate your feelings right away. I would just fester and hate on her for months about everything until she gave me AnoTheR reason to get mad.

I've been right there, where you are. I've been the one stabbed and the one stabbing. The reason I stabbed was low self esteem and I mention it now and then to my friend, how I was so low I thought it took a boy to fix it.

E should have cared more about your feelings and not belittled them. XO

If you can't give her the cold shoulder, try the silent one?

I hope that now you have an even better night (regardless, no tears!) and that the dude E is meeting is a total drag!

brea said...

I don't like the sounds of this E girl. Just plain mean.

Move to Canada, you can be my new best friend. (Don't forget to pack a winter jacket!)

Jen said...

I get the sense that E is only your friend when it is convenient for her. All take and no give...Perhaps you need to break up with her?

No crying on Saturday night!! Or I will come down there and kick your ass...:P

Two Drink Girl said...


Bluesoup said...

As Jen said...

She sounds like a toxic friend and you don't need anyone like that. I had trouble letting go of a friend because I thought it reflected badly on me - I mean, I chose her to be my friend so it was my fault that she treated me badly. Wrong, she was just self-absorbed.

Last nightI went to bed quite upset and feeling very lonely. Living in one place and working nearly 100 miles away means that I dont really belong anywhere. I stayed living here out of fear of moving toa city where I had no friends. But the late nights and long travel home means I et home late - and I have been forgotten by the people I once called "friends". I was upset missing having a network of people. I keep asking how Ihave beenwiped out of their memories, and I don't have the guts to try and arrange anything because they're always too busy with their own lives.

So don't worrry we all get dealt rubbish hands. I'm just hanging on until a better hand comes my way. And I'm trying to realise that leaving these people behind is a good way to go... I am failing at the moment though.

Friendships areway more complicated than other relationships. I think people forget that you can hurt just as much over them.

general_boy said...

Hmmm... definitely sounds to me like E is the ultimate fair weather freind. I don't have a lot of time for those these days. :/

Sounds like you're having a pretty rough trot... I just hope things sort themselves out. I reckon you deserve much better. :)

Sarah said...

Suvvygirl- I cannot believe they are canceling The OC after a comeback season!

M- It's even worse when your boss walks in to pee while your sniffing that you're such a loser.

Phil- N has become such a dependable and welcomed friend. I'm lucky to know her.

Vinca- I'm beginning to wonder the same thing.

DET- I've done the stabbing before too, years ago before I had my priorities straight. I've matured since then.

I hope she spills her food down her shirt, permanently staining it personally :)

Brea- Yea! Except I think I would die from the cold!

Jen- I do need to reexamine the friendship and perhaps keep her as a acquaintance and not as close as she once was.

Oh no! Okay, no tears then. :)

TDG- Yup.

Blue Soup- Wow. That's EXACTLY what I was thinking. That it reflects poorly on me because I chose her as a friend and she treated me the way she did. It proves that I am a poor decision maker, a terrible judge of character, and that something is wrong with me because, damn, even my friends don't respect me.

General Boy- Do Aussies say reckon? Hee. I'd like to think I deserve better, but I'm not so sure anymore.

Bluesoup said...

Well, I hope you have stopped thinking that way now! Some people (meaning her, not you of course!) are just out for themselves. There are mugs like you and me who get tied up in their little lives and then feel spat out when, well, when they spit us out again! But that is their problem.

I just wish I could take my own advice!! xx


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