~Thursday, April 19, 2007

And... repeat

Jack called again early Saturday.

"So what did you do yesterday?"

"Let's see. I went to Helen's and watched the Deal or No Deal marathon."

"Heh, okay."

"Then I went out to dinner with the group--I met your old coworker."


"Then we all went to see B.O.G."

"You what?"

"Yeah. So you're off the hook."

Jack then got really upset with me for going to see the movie without him. He thought I did it just to spite him because he had originally wanted to see it with everyone and I asked if just the two of us could go. He conceded to my wish, but at the same time he pushed the date back again.

I had never for one second thought that me going without him would hurt his feelings. If anything, I thought I was doing him a favor so he wouldn't have to take me anymore. The movie was becoming a bigger issue than it should have been, so I removed it. I thought he would be relieved.

I no longer trusted Jack. Thursday night's phone call was too hurtful. He said he didn't want to go to my party, he didn't want to see me, and he didn't want to call me. I took that to mean he didn't want to take me to see the movie anymore.

In that conversation, he actually said he didn't want to stop me from doing things with my friends. So I did. I reminded him of this.

Jack said I should have called and invited him along.

"But you wouldn't have been able to go! You were working!"

"You didn't know that at the time."

So I told him. I told him I didn't feel comfortable calling him.


"You said to assume I'm not going to see you unless you call."

Jack vehemently denied that. "I would never say anything like that. That's a terrible thing to say."

I flipped open my diary I had been writing in when he called. I saw it on the page from the phone call, so I knew I wasn't drinking the crazy juice. "But you did say that. I told you it was a terrible thing to say right then and you told me it wasn't."

"No. I didn't." Jack's voice was stern and hard, letting me know how serious he was. He's never spoken to me like that before. I dropped it, knowing I was right.

He then explained it exactly how Helen tried: to not assume we're doing something every weekend. But the way he said it on Thursday was much harsher. "Just assume on not seeing me..."

Maybe he was in a weird mood on Thursday and took it out on me. I certainly paid for it. But he was kind on Friday night and he called the next afternoon after he said he wasn't going to call as much anymore.

I don't know what the outcome of our conversation will be. I hope he realizes that I won't wait around for him. He probably sees it as getting screwed and playing the victim. That I indeed am a bad person. That I'm like every other crazy girl. But I'm not. If he could only see how good I really am.

"That's what I wanted to do--see it with everybody--and you told me I wasn't allowed."

"No! I said I would rather see it with just you."

"And I agreed. If you wanted to see the movie with me, then why did you go with everyone else?"

"Because I didn't believe you." I felt small. I didn't want to be honest with Jack. I didn't want to admit that I'm damaged.

"Well that explains your behavior, even though I have no idea why you would think that."

He said that we agreed he would take me and he said he would. I still don't know if that would have happened or not. I didn't want this to be one more thing that I got my hopes up for that didn't happen. I didn't want to get hurt again. I took control over the situation instead of staying at home and crying. But it also resulted in this weird phone call.

I should be ashamed for not trusting Jack. For not believing him. I'm so afraid of getting hurt that I'll do something that makes no sense. But I never considered Jack for one second for my plans that night. And neither had anyone else. Of the six people out, including his old coworker, not one person invited Jack and I think that hurt him the most.

However, the fact of the matter is that he didn't call and they did. They wanted to see the movie with me more than he did.


Single Girl said...

You have no reason to be ashamed for not trusting him. He hasn't given you any reason to trust him. He's been nothing but un-trustworthy. He seems to really enjoying playing games with you. Like I said before, you can do better than him.

cj said...

This guy is a jerk. You know he's a jerk, that's why you're writing about him this way, it's more than venting.

It doesn't get better. You've seen it before.

James said...

It's not a nice thing to say, but I'm staring to think 'cut him lose'. He doesn't seem to be good for you sweetie.

Indiana said...

I have said it before...NEXT.

He runs "hot and cold" and is in denial about his own actions...you are only goign to spend months having to get over this jerk, while you wonder what you did wrong, when the answer is nothing, he is a freak.

Kate said...

yes, and don't forget that. he's playing games with you and you deserve better.

mel said...

he is not worth the torment that you are going through. I know things can be really good at times, but the bad times seem to be outweighing the good and you are so much better than that! he doesn't deserve you - just because he is like other guys you may have dated doesn't mean you should settle. there are so many better guys out there who will treat you the way you should be. he is not worth the agony you are going through because of him

M said...

YOU ashamed? He didn't want to see it with only you - he pushed it back twice - shouldn't it be him who is feeling ashamed?

There's probably a reason why you can't trust him hon. Listen to yourself - don't let anyone make you feel bad for something that you haven't done.

Drama Queen said...

Again none of his friends think to invite him. I'm thinking he's not the nicest person. I am starting to question what exactly you see in him. OK, that happened a few posts back but it’s worse now. Take control (and not just by going to see a movie without him).

Good Luck

Blue Soup said...

The more I read, the more I want to get on a flight, kidnap you and bring you back here and end all of this. I am sorry, but this guy is a total arse. He's sooo damn argumentative over EVERYTHING! Plus "just assume you're not going to see me" - so basically he decides when you see each other. That's not equal, that's not a damn relationship it's a dictatorship. He's controlling, unkind - and hypocritical for getting all up in arms that you "hurt his feelings" (well so bloody what!!!!). I said it last time: this is not "just guy behaviour". This man has issues. And he makes you feel ashamed of your past and the damage you feel has already been done to you.

You are a lovely, sensitive woman. Don't let this utter prat do this to you sweetheart. It's heartbreaking to watch you doubt yourself because of his actions. xxx

pink jellybaby said...

oh honey, he's being an arse. i hate seeing you in this relationship, it's not a good one xx

Res said...


~~player..plain & simple.

Don't fall for this.

(Him, NOT YOU, should be ashamed!)

~~just my observation, dear.

Take care. Go slowly, carefully.


-Papa said...

Mr. Ass isn't worth your time. You deserve better.

Kaylen said...

Men are like puppies in some ways.

If one isn't trainable, there is always another one who is more suited to you.

I think it's time to take Jack back and wait for a better pup to come along.

SuvvyGirl said...

I swear men and women need a translator. I have those "you said.." "No I didn't say that.." conversations with my husband all the time and the infuriate me. There's no winning with them either. And as the fad seems to be going with your comments...don't feel ashamed for not trusting him.

me said...

being someone who continually forgave guys for brushing me off, making me feel unworthy, lying cheating, etc. i understand how you feel when he's the one who calls you after saying he wouldn't. i also saw a glimmer of strength when you went to the movie, turned off your phone, didn't call him right back.
i'm not saying you need to stop talking to him immediately or blow him off because you won't. not now.
just make note of that glimmer. let it grow, you don't deserve to have someone make you feel bad. no one does.

phoenix said...

hi there came here from DQ's blog. I know what everyone's saying about this guy and they're all sooo right and it looks like you're starting to realise it for yourself and this is the key. I'm not long out of a very long relationship and could not come to terms with the fact that he treated me with zero respect and indeed used the power he had over me to get exactly what he wanted at any given time. Everyone told me to move on but until you actually get there in your own head this wont happen. luckily you appear to be showing the signs of strength needed to make that step away from him for your own self worth's sake. Good for you and i really hope that you get there soon as the feeling of doubting your own worth simply because of the controlling nature of another is not a nice place to be. x

general_boy said...

yup... last sentence pretty much nails it IMHO. ;)

Sarah said...

Single Girl- If he wants to play the game, then game on. I'm way too competitive and have too much pride to lose.

CJ- *Sigh* It didn't start out this way, that's what makes me confused.

James- I tend to internalize problems and take them to heart.

Indiana- But I did do things wrong: I did go with other people the night after we reaffirmed we would see it together. He's right in that I would have been extremely pissed if he saw it with others.

Kate- They are all like this. They all play the game. It just took Jack a shorter amount of time to get there.

Mel- Name one. Name one freaking guy who doesn't do this.

M- I did something wrong by seeing it without him. I can't justify that. However I still think he's wrong that I should have called and invited him after Thursday night's convo.

Drama Queen- Oh that part only gets better.

Blue Soup- Ooh! Ooh! Kidnap me! We'd have so much fun together! Do y'all find Southern accents sexy?

Pinky Baby- Part of me wants to see how far he'll take things.

Res- Well I hope he does feel like a dick too. I always wonder if I have the power to make others feel how they make me feel.

Papa- This bullshit isn't anything new though. I just don't believe guys are different than this.

Kaylen- Eh, I'm not big on changing someone. Maybe that's my problem!

Suvvygirl- The difference is I have a real talent for remembering entire conversations word for word from years of journalism. He, however, can't remember details at all. I'm not into bickering, but I know I was right.

Me- That was beautiful. Thank you.

Phoenix- I'm starting to get there. I'm just not entirely there yet.

General Boy- Should I have said that to him? I have no idea how to fight. I generally just stay quiet because I have a sharp tongue and will say really horrible things that I'll almost immediately regret.

monk said...

Taking each instance by itself is one thing but life doesn't work that way.

He canceled on you. He was an ass on the phone. He's denying what he said.

It's either MAJOR relationship growing pains or it's the beginning of the end.

You decide....


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