~Thursday, April 14, 2011

Wendy

I chose Clemson.

Clemson and I have more history than anyone else. He's the one I was flirting with when I wasn't supposed to be flirting. He asked for my number over a week ago, but he's never had to use it because we keep running into each other every few days.

Before Statham left, he asked for my number. "So I can call you tomorrow about shooting."

Well damn, if I knew skeet shooting and my lovely recoil bruise would have gotten me this much attention, I would have done it a year ago.

Clemson and I sat outside for another hour until we were forced to leave at 3 a.m. He was nervous and he was in bad shape. He was so drunk that he spoke in stilted sentences.

We walked inside his apartment and went to his office where his records were. I chose a Joy Division album and he put it on. We began talking. I don't even remember about what. But what became apparent in this conversation is that Clemson is a wounded soul. He's filled with so much sadness. And I think, more than a girlfriend, what Clemson needed was someone to listen to his story. I filled that capacity.

He was drunk, spilling drinks, knocking things over. Spilling the sadness in his life. We eventually headed to his bed. Clemson was the perfect gentleman and even kept his jeans on. He pulled me to his chest and I laid there. He smelled my hair and said he could smell it forever.

"I have to go to a birthday party tomorrow," he said. "Do you want to go with me?"

"I can't. I have got to go running," I said. And shooting.

"Okay. Well this weekend we'll sleep at my place and next weekend I'll sleep at yours," he said.

I didn't say anything.

"We haven't even kissed yet," he said sleepily.

This was a hint for me to lift my head off his chest and kiss him. Clemson was being so polite and so sweet. But I didn't. I didn't want to do it in that moment. Despite choosing Clemson for the night, I knew any physical activity would be choosing among all of the boys. And even though Clemson was harmless as a pussycat, he was also damaged. He was drunk. Very drunk. I couldn't forget all of that sadness he talked about earlier.

I thought about S and Christopher. I didn't want to do that again. I didn't want to be Wendy, Savior of the Lost Boys.

17 comments:

bonda84 said...

Those thoughts and that decision right there show just how much you've grown and how strong you are. So, so proud of you. You weren't the savior of a lost boy, you were the savior of yourself in that moment.

Sarah said...

<3 you

Northern lass said...

Hope all those horrible judgemental commentators on the last few posts are eating a very warm slice of humble pie.

Great week of posts Sarah, fantastic writing.

x

freckledk said...

Smart cookie. I agree with Bonda. You've grown tremendously. Keep at it, yo.

Erin said...

I love this post. I agree with bonda 100%. It is so good to see you putting yourself first.

Bathwater said...

Sometimes being there is what we need. Great story! Post of the year for sure.

Syd said...

See, this I like. Good call.

Although I wonder, are we missing a section between this part and what you wrote at the beginning of this story? Is there more? I'm a greedy reader!

J said...

Wendy, Savior of the Lost Boys- this is such a good comparison.

Good call about Clemson. Interested to know how skeet shooting with Statham went...

Je m'appelle Danielle said...

Hmm good call on no physical activity, when he mentioned the kissing thing, thats when I would have fake snored and maybe even drooled a bit.

breezyallatsea said...

Love this post. You have grown so much and I'm excited to see what happens next!

Charlotte said...

Awwwww. Despite the fact that he's definitely a wounded soul, he sounds like a good guy. And definitely more than a little sweet on you. Sometimes it's easier to express ourselves without holding anything back when we've had the chance to kick back a couple cocktails.

Off I go to read the events leading up to this one... but I'm proud that you stood your ground and don't want to hurt him. It's best to think about our actions and not get caught up in the moment (not easy though, I will say that much).

Dream in Grey said...

When i grow up i want to be you babe x

j said...

Very proud of the logic and strength that you have shown in this situation. I know this story is not over yet...

treacle said...

You = AWESOME xx

Me said...

awesome indeed.

Maura said...

Good for you girl. It's an amazing feeling to take care of yourself, and make smart decisions. Love reading this sequence of posts...I feel like I'm watching a freaking novella!

Tiffany said...

I love your analogy to Wendy saver of lost boys....I might as well change my name to Wendy myself! :)

~Tiffany
http://tiffanyd22.blgospot.com

 

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