~Tuesday, May 10, 2011

One of these days, Alice...

I think every girl has played out this imaginary scenario: girl gets dumped by boy, girl gets into car accident or some equally scary-but-not-life-threatening scenario. Boy realizes he loves girl and doesn't want to lose girl.

Every girl wants to be rescued.


I had my kickball playoffs. My poor, little team who had lost our first six games had finally gotten its act together, performing fabulously in the tournament. We started the tournament tied for last place, but starting a seed higher because we had more runs during the regular season. Then we just kept winning. And now we were playing the number-one team and we were tied and in extra innings.

Statham, his ex-girlfriend and Clemson all stayed behind to watch my game. Statham had a cooler of beer he was working through. Clemson was drinking water because I overheard him say he was hungover again. I spoke a few words to him before the game, but that was all. Most of what I heard about him, I heard through Girl from Irish Pub.

My team was on the field. I was playing catcher, which is a figurehead position without much play interaction. In kickball, the catcher stands next to home plate, not behind home plate. The number-one team's strongest kicker was up. The Leader rolled the ball, the kicker ran towards it and--


I crumpled on the field like a rag doll. My face was on fire. I didn't know this at the time, but the kicker hit the ball as hard as he could and it spliced to foul-ball territory and hit me at point-blank range in the face. The umpire came up to me after the game and shook my hand and told me he's never seen anyone take a ball that hard.

I was sprawled on the field, clutching my face and not knowing why. My sunglasses were lying on the grass a few feet from me. I sat up. I was surrounded by five men. I had no idea how they got to me so quickly. It's just like the movies where you look up and see a circle of faces peering down on you. I saw the Leader, the umpire, the kicker, the captain of my team and the guy who rubbed my back in this post.

The Leader crouched down in front of me. "Are you okay?" he asked.

I sat there laughing. It's my default emotion. "Am I bleeding?" I asked.

"No, but move your hands so I can see," he urged.

"Are you sure I'm not bleeding?" I asked between giggles.

"No, but take your hands off your mouth."

I could see myself in the reflection of his sunglasses. I wasn't bleeding, but I looked terrified. I slowly took my hands off my mouth. It was swollen; I could already feel that.

"You're fine," he smiled. "You just have 'kickball' stamped across your forehead."

I laughed again. Only this time a tear slid down my cheek. It was involuntary; my face was burning.

"Do you think I could go sit down for a minute?" I asked. I was disoriented. I couldn't think straight.

One of the guys reached his hand down and pulled me up from the ground. The kicker profusely apologized and I said everything was fine. I took that hit like a champ. A girl from the other team brought me a beer, saying it was cold and to put it on my face to help with the swelling.

I worked my way to the fence in the shade. As I passed Clemson and his friend, his friend said he knew I was okay because he could hear me laughing on the ground. Clemson never said a word to me.

I sat down with my legs stretched out in front of me, rolling the beer can across my mouth before drinking from it. I broke my kisser. Clemson didn't look over and ask if I was okay. The one time this shit happens to me and he's actually present for it. Here's my traumatic-but-not-life-threatening scenario. I realized I wanted him to care. I wanted him to be the first person crouching in front of me, looking over me and making sure I was okay, not The Leader.

But he wasn't.

Also, guess who scored the tie-breaking run and won the game? This girl. He didn't have anything to say about that either.


kcraptastic said...

These guys are serious douche bags!!! You are/were a piece of ass.. And now that they find out that your not that kind of girl they will try the ignore, hard to get bit and see if that works any better... Ignore them and keep having fun with the other people your around..


J said...

Agree with Kevin. Wtf is wrong with these a-holes that they can't see if you are okay? I have revised my opinion of Clemson: he is now considered a douche bag. PS, once in a kickball game I got body slammed to the ground by an overly-enthusiastic runner. My reaction was similar to yours, except it was my ass on fire and not my face :)

J said...

Revise previous comment to say that I only agree with the "these guys are serious douche bags!!!" part of the above comment. This is what I get for not reading things fully.

Anonymous said...

WTF Clemson?! Forget these guys that are treating you like dirt. They aren't worth your time.
WTG on winning the playoffs though! I hope you celebrated your victory!

Jess said...

You're such a badass.

freckledk said...

I hate him. I hate the gossipy Girl at the Irish Pub. I hate Statham. I hate his Ex. Hate all of them. Please cut yourself out of that social circle, Sarah. These folks are supreme dickwads.

Anonymous said...

Hi Sarah,

I've been reading your blog for years and I've never thought to leave you a comment until now. Your writing is amazing, and your honesty refreshing, and as a girl around your age facing some of the same issues, it almost feels like I know you (as weird as that may sound:). To be honest, when I first started reading I got this impression that you were a little spoiled and out-of-touch, maybe you've matured, or maybe it was just my first impressions, but you seem like a geniunely great person and a wonderful friend. Please keep sharing, I absolutely love your blog!!


Jai said...

Clemson is such a jerk...i repeat he is such a jerk!!!!!!

Meghan said...

Dick. Brain.
He's absolutely worthless.

preciousandpriceless said...

we should have your boys and the stupid men who lost me my hockey tickets for LIFE meet. Then all the idiots in the world could be in the same place. And we could avoid them.

Bathwater said...

You are amazing! Clemson is a douche and a heat to say this but if Kick Ball Guy was there-- he would have been first to you.

At least in my scenario, which only makes life's choices more confusing.

I don't understand what those other guys don't see.

Anonymous said...

I'm disappointed in Clemson.

I agree with previous poster. Extricate yourself from these people asap.


Denise said...

Poor baby girl! Way to tough it out. I hope you didn't end up too bruised!! Congrats on scoring the winning run! You're a beast!

Anonymous said...

Didn't Statham try to stir stuff up with Clemson by saying he'd heard you two had been together? I'd bet in that same conversation he told Clemson that you two had been together. Statham is the "I don't want her but nobody else can have her either" type. Wouldn't doubt it a bit if Clemsons lack of concern is somehow tied to something Statham has said/done. Not that it makes it okay, Clemson is a big boy and if he is ticked, he should've come to you. I'd call him on it though. If even he is going to be a douche, it doesn't leave much positive in that group. Friends are the same as relationships, as in it's better to be alone than in one that brings you down.

Red Stethoscope said...

Clemson, nooo! Get up off of your butt, man!

Did you ever end up talking to him/thanking him for taking care of you that one night? Do you think he got weird after that? Regardless, he can't get up and make sure your face isn't broken?! Or, give you props for the winning goal?! FAIL.

Sarah said...

Hi Eileen! No, you're right. I was spoiled and a little out of touch. Still am a bit, but I'm working on it!

Yeah, we've barely spoken since the last time I spent the night at his place. I do wonder what else Statham told him when those two were talking about me that night. I got cock blocked!

But also, it's instinct to run to someone when she is hurt. I know I've crossed many a kickball field and dodgeball court to see if people were okay that I didn't even know. But then again, I'm trained in first aid. I just don't know why Clemson failed to respond. Something must have happened.

freckledk said...

What *happened* is he is a dickhead. You were on the ground, holding your face. Despite anything he has heard (if anything), he failed you when you were literally knocked down. He did not even check on you, when presented with the opportunity to do so. Doing so would in no way have been a declaration of love, but an indicator of basic humanity. There is no good reason for his behavior, no justifications, no nothing.

Seriously, Sarah. You deserve to be surrounded by better people than this. If that means you hand out alone for awhile, so be it. Better to be alone than in the company of fuckwits who show so little regard for you.

Christ. I'm LIVID. These people are monsters.

heisschic said...

you're a badass. plain and simple.

why do i have 'he wasn't man enough for me' now stuck in my head?

Anonymous said...

Aren't we all a bit "out-of-touch" with reality:)


j said...

Very disappointed in Clemson but not all that surprised.

You are a kickball superstar!

Peach said...

Clemson would never have rushed to your aid while there were so many others around you - and plus he's had Statham in his ear talking shit. I also don't like that Irish gossip girl in the bar, she stirs up trouble. The whole lot of them sound like an incestuous mess. I know they're fun and that's why you like them, but it would make me paranoid and insecure as hell. And then not to give you even a hug when the others had turned away and you were sat in the shade? Not even a casual mate would not do that..... I'm as disappointed as the other posters... you're worth more than that, and this group sound like a bunch of tossers (you have that word in US, right?)

But I love you and your writing rocks and so do you... (just in case I sounded too pissed off there)


treacle said...

I read your post earlier and since then I have mostly been wondering what on earth has gotten into Clemson and why, when he had initially appeared to be so much nicer than this; hasn't he got the decency to even check after you?

Anonymous said...


Glad you made it through the injury. Seriously, these people you are hanging out with are self absorbed assholes. YOU deserve better. Why do you bow down and just do whatever you think what is best for them? Think about your self for once. I want to punch government mule in the face. How dare he? Jerk.

Scrumps said...

Hope you're ok and the swelling has gone down.

Regardless of the history you have with Statham/Clemson - surely as people you've hung out with (I don't know if you class them as friends), they should have come over to see if you were ok out of human compassion. To me that say speaks volumes!

Tony SN said...

No excuse to not check on you. there isn't any. Zip. Zero. As a friend. As a man, as anything...really total B.S.

Angela said...

There's no excuse for him to not check on you, even if Statham did some damage (who, incidentally, I think should have received that *thwack* instead of you). Clemson had sounded decent, but not anymore.

Breeza said...

Gotta say I agree with everyone else. And as Peach said, they are a bunch of tossers. xx

Anonymous said...

Clemson tomato juice is lame.

You however rock, esp. that you kept on playing and won the game after that nasty hit!


Anonymous said...

Dillhole. Don't give him or whatever caused him to be so aloof (and a doof) another thought. Keep playing, though. It seems like you have fun more often than not.

Anonymous said...

I thought I left a comment on here earlier.

Oh well, maybe it wasn't that funny.

Sorry you had to experience that awful pain!


D said...

I think Clemson needed the hit over the head, not you!!!

Angela said...

I had a comment deleted, too - only I said what D, said above, about Statham, since it seems he's been stirring and cock-blocked her.


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