~Friday, August 23, 2013

On dating

This last post took forever to write. I wanted to list what I learned from dating like I had done for blogging. But I still wrestle with the fact of whether I learned anything at all. All those self-help books, all those bad dates, did I ever really get better at it? I think I just got really, really lucky.

South Carolina Bestie was a little kinder in her observation. "I think it's a little bit a both, Sarah," she told me. "I think love has got to be a little about luck."

I think I matured too, and I think this may be the single biggest factor. Being empathetic, realizing that maybe someone is having a bad day and it has nothing to do with me. Not getting excitable. Calming the fuck down. This post. This advice.

Turned out Dr. Kodiak was right. It is a wife-able quality.

So what did I learn? I thought for sure the Internet was going to bring me my future husband. I thought the Internet was the premier place for average-looking people like me. I am not the girl that gets approached by strangers unless they are really, really creepy. But the Internet didn't work for me. What did work was joining clubs aimed at people within my demographic. It placed me in the vicinity of other people who shared my lifestyle and interests. It also placed me way outside of my comfort zone and was really hard for the first few months. I had no one to bring me into the group; I did it alone. I was thankful to meet nice people such as The Leader and a few girls who made me feel welcome. And to meet Lawyered, who became a lifelong friend.

What I did learn from the Internet though: if you are chatting with a guy and his picture and conversation just don't do it for you, don't make the date anyway thinking that you're being shallow and you may be wowed by his great personality. I have never been swayed by one of these dates. Go with your gut and don't waste your time. Save your makeup.

I learned that I still make mistakes with boundaries, letting people take advantage of me because I'm afraid of being rude or hurting someone's feelings. I think this will be a lifelong struggle of mine.

I learned the difference between a good man and a bad man. More importantly, I learned the difference between a man who just takes up space and a man who will enlighten you. I dated lots of men who weren't good or bad people; they just didn't have anything to offer me. Abraham makes me a calmer and more patient and all-round better person.

I learned that Harvey was right when she said dating her husband was the easiest thing she's done. At the time I mentally scoffed. Yeah, dating for her was easy because she did it in college where she was surrounded by a never-ending pool of boys. Dating isn't easy in your twenties. Forget it in your thirties. But being with Abraham was the easiest thing I've ever done. I've never had to question whether being with him was the right decision; there was never a decision to make. The married woman was right: dating the right person is easy.

I learned it's never too late to start over. You can feel stuck and you can change your life. It's through small steps.

I learned to never give up. You only have to meet the right man once.


Anonymous said...

I love the idea that dating should be easy! Maybe that will help me calm down a little bit.

Angela said...

I like the idea of it, and I'm very happy for you. :) I've never experienced it, though. I just attract the creeps, or guys who are much too young or old.

A said...

This makes me so happy, so thrilled, so excited for you and your future with Abraham. Thanks for sharing the journey with us!


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