Becker

I literally just pulled out of Christopher's driveway and my phone rings. Who is calling me at 11:30 on a Saturday morning? I didn't recognize the number, but I picked it up anyways.

It was Becker wanting to know if we were still on for lunch.

Shit.

I completely forgot about it.

I was talking to Becker Thursday night and he drops the "girlfriend" bomb, as in "I'm hanging out with an old friend of mine on Friday- we never get to see each other since our girlfriends are feuding." I was shocked. You don't make dates with other girls when you have girlfriends. If my boyfriend did it, I'd break up with him immediately.

I thought about saying something, but decided not to. Guys usually slip that in for a reaction and I wasn't going to satisfy him with one. I had already said yes to Saturday and I would go through with it to spite him. Actually, I sort of assumed Saturday was off since he said that- which is why I forgot about it. I figured he just made that up to get out of the date.

I'm unshowered and feeling nasty after spending the night with Christopher. I hate brushing my teeth in a parking lot. I told Becker I would still meet him for lunch and did the best I could with my appearance while driving there.

Becker was not as good looking as I remember. I remember his hair being shorter. I wonder if I built him up too much in my head. I still had fun though. Lunch lasted 5 hours with me slowly getting drunk and Becker with his iced tea. He's a bit socially clumsy, but it was a pleasant date. I discovered during the date that he had just broken up with his last girlfriend 2 weeks ago. He kept mixing up his tenses with her, which I think is what happened Thursday night.

To be honest, I feel more for Christopher, but I'll see Becker again on a super casual basis- he's obviously not ready for anything. I'm a good catch and worth more than a rebound.

Friday Night

All of the girls said I looked really awesome at work on Friday- they loved my new skirt.

Afterwards I drove to Christopher's to get my shoes. We just hung out in front of the TV for about an hour until he offered me a beer. I figured that was a good sign even though Maddy was not coming over.

At 9 he reaches into the fridge for another beer and asks me what my plans were for that night. I smiled and said I was hanging out with him. "You trying to get rid of me or something?"

He smiled just as slyly, "No."

We ended up finishing his beer and watching a scary movie before going to bed.

I think I have him figured out. At least, I know how to behave around him. He's not into warm greetings or goodbyes. I think with him affection comes with time, but he will never become a touchy-feely person. He presents a pretty tough macho exterior: he has a strut and everything. He reminds me of a "rat pack" person, and I think he'd love it if you told him that.

The next morning I hung out for about a half hour before getting up to leave. He asked me if I was going to my college town this weekend and I said as a matter of fact I was going Saturday night. Against my better judgment, I invited him along. He accepted and I said I would give him a call later.

I wasn't ready to take him there. I wasn't ready to introduce him to my friends. I wouldn't know how to introduce him. I didn't know how me bringing a guy up with me to the boys' house would go over. Conor is technically an ex, but I think he'd be okay with it. I didn't know how weird it would be for the other boys. I felt like I would be insulting Bryan by bringing another guy to his house. Christopher and I have never gone out together, we've always go to his house or a friend's house. It would be our first night out. Should I really take him out with my 4 guy friends?

I still wanted him to come.

Plans, plans, plans!

I have to look gorgeous for work tomorrow. I'm going to wear my stiletto heels with a this new skirt I got a few weeks ago. It'll be very sexy looking.

I'm stopping by Christopher's after work. I left my tennis shoes there and I need to retrieve them. We have tentative plans to maybe do something tomorrow afternoon, but I don't think it's definite. I told him to ask Maddy if he wants to all get together and he said okay. I think this means if Maddy doesn't want to do anything, then Christopher and I won't do anything. I don't know, I'll just bring extra clothes just in case and play it by ear.

Maybe my new skirt will change his mind...

In any case, I made a date with another guy I've been talking to the past couple of weeks. I'm excited. Becker seems like a nice guy and I can't wait to see if we have any chemistry. We are going out for lunch and beers Saturday afternoon.

I think scheduling this second date is a good thing. It keeps me from getting too attached to Christopher and it makes me feel like I have the upper hand because I do have other guys on the side. I've got my eggs in all sorts of baskets all over the city.

I'm breezy, I'm getting it elsewhere; I don't need you.

Saturday night I have plans with my platonic friend Brad. We're supposed to get together and drink and commiserate about our dating lives. Unfortunately for him, if Friday night and Saturday afternoon go well, then I'm not going to be much help Saturday night. Brad also lives with Conor and Bryan, the guy from New Year's Eve. I don't know if Bryan will be there, but I am curious to know if he ever got his first choice or not. He could hear about my busy dating life and get all jealous.

That's not why I'm hanging out with Brad, but it would be a major perk to the night.

If nothing else, I'll have some good stories for next week!

Impromptu Gathering

Whew.

It was so nice to be able to just relax with a guy and not worry the entire time. This was Christopher's and my third time hanging out. We're comfortable around each other so I don't have to be all polite and ask if I can use his restroom. I just get up and go.

He put on my show, but he couldn't do it without messing with me. He'd change the channel in the middle of it until I started hollering at him in a high-pitched whine. The funniest part was when he turned the split screen feature on his TV and played my show on one half of the screen and porn on the other half. I wanted to strangle him!

As much as he picks on me and teases me, whenever I draw the line and spell it out for him, "If you do this, then I'm going to be upset," he respects it. This is what makes him a nice guy.

I wasn't going to take any chances with bad breath, body odor, greasy hair, or anything that could possibly turn him off this time, so when my show was over I used his bathroom and showered.

We finally made out :)

When his alarm went off the next morning, he didn't get up even though he was already awake. Either he wanted to just lay there a little longer because he was tired, or because I was sleeping on him. I'd like to think it was a little bit of both. He ended up leaving for work when he was already supposed to be there. I had such a good time, I can't wait until we do it again!

It all makes sense, now I only want to jump off a bridge

Oh my god. You're going to die laughing when I tell you this.

Christopher called me on his own accord about 30 minutes after I wrote the post on Sunday about our Friday date. Every time I told him I did something, he asks me if I brushed my teeth. For instance, I told him I stopped at the Taco Bell by his apartment on my way home Saturday afternoon. "Did you brush your teeth afterwards? What about your tongue?" he asks.

He's so weird, I didn't really know where he was going with this. He said something that made me bring up him continuously shoving gum in my mouth. "Why did I do that?" He asked.

"I don't know."
"Think about it."
"I have no idea!"
"...You had bad breath."

Oh my god.

That's why he didn't want to get close to me.

I thought back to Friday when I put on my scrubby jeans and sweater. I didn't brush my teeth before I left. I didn't bring a toothbrush with me to his house, because I didn't want to look presumptuous. I didn't really know what to expect when I got there.

I just whispered, "Oh my god, I want to die. I'm so mortified," over and over into the phone for about 2 minutes.

In true Christopher fashion, he responds,"What about me? It's hard telling a girl that!" I just whimpered. "You should be thanking me!" he says.

As much as I needed the info, I couldn't thank him. It's like thanking someone after they kick you in the nuts.

"Well go brush your teeth and your tongue and come over. If you want, I'll show you how to floss." What a guy.

I protested at first because we have to work in the morning. He brought up the point that he lives 10 minutes from my work. I live an hour and a half away when there's traffic. I told him my show was coming on at 10pm and I have to watch it. He said he'll put it on for me. I said I have to let my dog pee in the morning before I go to work. He called me a liar.

"Okay. Let me figure out what I'm wearing to work tomorrow and I'll be over."

He's not an intentional asshole, that's just his sense of humor

I called Christopher Thursday evening. He didn't pick up the phone. I got upset and cursed myself for even calling in the first place. He called me back later that night. He said he was at the gym when I called. We talked for about 40 minutes. He was interested in what I had to say; I was a little surprised.

I asked him if he wanted to do a happy hour Friday after work. He said he would and said he'd also invite Maddy and Rebecca. I laughed and told him Rebecca STILL hasn't called me back so good luck with that. (I left her another message and still haven't heard anything, but I also hear she's really busy.) Friday I call him when I get off work and his phone is off. Fucking hey. I begin the long commute home and he calls me back when I'm almost home. He said he just got my message and he was at the gym. I sense a pattern here. He does, however, have a really nice body.

He doesn't want to do happy hour anymore because he doesn't want to spend any money. I offer to go to his house and bring some beer and he likes the plan. I ask about food and he says he has a frozen pizza. I go ahead and finish my commute home and change into something very casual- just jeans and a sweater. I'm doing all the work here and I don't know what to expect when I get there, so I don't exactly work at my appearance.

When Christopher opens the door to his apartment, he's all dressed up. He's also cooking us dinner. Crap- THIS IS A DATE! I'm wearing tennis shoes! Dinner was really good and he and I actually get along really well. We make each other laugh. We just click- no awkward silences, no awkwardness at all. We work our way through the suitcase of beer and get rather drunk. He keeps giving me pieces of gum and telling me to chew them- I had like 4 pieces in my mouth at one point until I refused more gum. I moved over on the couch and lay on him. I had to physically move his arm around me, but he leaves it there.

When it gets late, we go to bed. In bed I kiss him. This is the first time we kissed. The rest is pretty hazy, but I think I said something about wanting to date him. Date to me means, you go out but not exclusively. He took date as an exclusive activity and said he's been hurt and isn't ready for a girlfriend. I think I got frustrated and passed out. The whole conversation was pretty redundant on my part because that's exactly what we just had: a date. Don't know why I couldn't be happy with it.

The next morning the same games began. He'd initiate and back off all morning. I have no idea why he does this. The cynic in me thinks he just wants to see if he could get some if he wanted- that he's just testing me. But we still laughed and had a good time.

When I left, I paused so he could walk me to the door. He followed me, then turned into the kitchen. "I'll talk to you later," he called from the kitchen. I must have reacted badly because he quickly added, "Hey, drive home safely, ok?"

Here's the thing- probably the part where you tell me I'm crazy- I think he does like me. I don't know if he's just socially inept. He's a northerner so it may just be a difference in manners. I'm not using that to explain his actions here, but in general southern guys behave completely differently. Even if they don't like you, they are still going to treat you nicely. There might be stuff that he's not doing that I'm used to and it would throw me off. He may have been hurt like he said and have intimacy issues, explaining why he starts and stops all the time. He has a very different personality from what I've ever encountered before. He acts differently from what I've encountered before. So maybe this is all a part of it.

He did dress up. He cooked dinner when he didn't have to. He took care of me the next morning when I was hungover. Our conversations click. He asked me a lot of questions about myself, truly interested. He would repeat some of the answers back like he was trying to remember them. There are plenty of good things that happened. If it wasn't for the sexual equation, I would think things are fine. So why do I think that things aren't ok?

Charlie: A Story of Hope

When I was visiting Nick last month I met his longtime best friend, Charlie. Charlie is one of those guys who is gorgeous, fit, smarter than I could ever dream of, and witty. In other words, way out of my league. Charlie is one of those guys I would picture with a drop dead gorgeous blonde who's at Harvard getting her doctorate in political science. They would be one of "those" couples, ones that you are so jealous of that you want to hate them with a passion, but you just can't because they're genuinely good people.

That's Charlie.

And of course Charlie, being as nice as he is, exchanges e-mail addresses with me when I'm up there and we e-mail each other once or twice a week on random topics. It's very casual, very friendly. Don't worry, I'm not deluded into thinking anything naughty regarding him.

Not long after I got back from there, Charlie sends me an e-mail and was discussing his weekend. He said he went to see "The Nutcracker" on a Friday and he had such a good time that he thought he would go again Saturday night and maybe this time try a meet a girl. Good thinking on his part, I can imagine a lot of girls going to see that without a guy. I do.

So the next day, Charlie gets dressed up and heads back over to the ballet. He didn't know that the times are different on the weekend and he had already missed the first half of the show. He doesn't want to wait around for the next show so he leaves, picks up some take-out, and goes home. "I'm home alone on a Saturday night, eating take-out, and watching basketball," he complains. "How pathetic am I?"

I responded with only one sentence, "I was right there with you until you mentioned the basketball game."

Recently, Charlie asks my advice about asking this girl out he liked. He took it and she accepted the date (of course my advice would work!) When he called and asked her out for a second date, she turned him down.

If a guy like Charlie has trouble meeting people and finding people to date, then there is hope for the rest of us. He is the Superman of guys and he's single and struggling too. If there are guys out there like that, then I'm going to be okay. I know there are still a few single nice guys left in the world.

I totally peed in my drinking water

It's day two and I still haven't heard from Rebecca. Now I can't remember if I actually told her to call me back or not. I think I just apologized and said I wanted to make sure everything was okay. I don't think I actually said, "Give me a call back."

This is freaking ridiculous.

I feel like I'm trying to date her. Should I call her or let her make the first move? Should I just sit on it for a week or so and try again?

I thought the reason for having girlfriends is so you wouldn't have to worry about this crap.

I asked a girl I work with out to lunch earlier this week. That was just like a date too. There were uncomfortable silences peppered with, "So what do you do for fun?"

I don't remember making friends being this hard. I don't even remember ever making a conscious effort before.

Blah.

I was thinking, Screw it, I'll just go see my friends from college this weekend and not deal with any of this. Then I remembered the whole Bryan thing. That would mean I would have to see him, probably with his first choice. I don't really want to deal with that either. I've been completely good about letting that go, and now, to avoid the Atlanta situation, I would have to revisit the Bryan thing.

I totally peed in my drinking water.

I don't know why I'm making such a big deal about seeing Bryan, I've hooked up with all of Conor's roommates in the years that I've known him, I don't know why I'm treating this one differently. Maybe it's because I actually liked Bryan.

I think I've really made a mess of things here!

***

It's day three for Christopher to call. If he doesn't call today, I'm going to go ahead and delete his number and forget I met him.

I keep thinking about a conversation we had in bed the next morning:

Sarah: So how old are you really?
Christopher: Why do you ask it like that?
Sarah: Because last night you told me three different ages. What are you going to tell me today? 45?
Christopher: I'm 32. How old are you?
Sarah: I'm 24.
Christopher: (pauses) Really?
Sarah: Yup.
Christopher: That's old for a girl.
Sarah: (almost shouting) WHAT? YOU'RE 32!!
Christopher: I'm a guy so it's okay. You're old.

It's so insane, I can't stop laughing. He would have been fun to talk to.

Message from inside the doghouse

Oh my god. I feel absolutely sick to my stomach.

I called Rebecca yesterday afternoon to do a courtesy apology for getting drunk at her boyfriend's apartment on Saturday. I didn't think she was upset with me, but I felt that I should call her anyways to double check. Then again, I don't really remember leaving her boyfriend's place Saturday night so I don't really know how things ended.

I left her a message and she never called me back.

I need girlfriends so badly, I need them 100 times more than a boyfriend. This was our second time hanging out. I thought her and Maddy were very cool. It would have been nice to be friends with them. I'm in the process of moving inside Atlanta city limits and they are some of the few people I know there.

Crap. Crap. Crap.

It's not like I set out to get drunk. Normally I'll decide how much I'm drinking before I go out. Beer is my alcohol of choice because it keeps me sane and I usually end up with a pleasant buzz. I drank 12 on an empty stomach and I didn't even realize it until the next day.

I wonder if this has anything to do with the whore episode.

I am going to feel so guilty if she really is upset with me. I need to make new friends and it isn't starting out that well.

Just give me someone nice. Please.

I met another guy. I know, I'm freaking ridiculous. It makes good fodder for the blog though.

I don't know how much detail to get into because I'm more curious about him than anything else. I went out with the girlfriends from work Friday and met Maddy, a boyfriend of one of my coworkers. He and I really get along well and he says he wants to set me up with a friend of his the next night.

I go over to his place and I meet Christopher. I want to make a good impression on everybody in the room because I'm new to the area. I don't know anyone here and I need to make some new friends. I like the ones I met on Friday. I try to be nice to Christopher and whenever I get myself a beer, I get one for him too. He drinks them as fast as I do, and before I realize it, I'm not just buzzing, I'm full-on drunk and the case of beer I brought is gone.

Then I start talking. It's embarrassing just remembering any of this. I wish I blacked it out. I say something sexually for shock value and humor and Christopher looks over at me:

Christopher: You're a whore.
Sarah: Don't say that. That's really mean.
Christopher: You're a whore.
Group: He doesn't mean it.
Sarah: Why are you saying that?
Christopher: You must be.

I wanted to die. I wanted to disappear immediately. I'm drunk and I'm embarrassed and I want new friends. I look down at my beer bottle, get up, go into the kitchen, and sit there a minute. My friend from work comes in and tries to console me. I wanted to make a good impression and instead I got called a whore. I've never been called that before. No one ever talks to me like that. "Bitch" is as rough as it gets, and when it comes from your best friends and they're laughing while they say it, it's completely different. This was a guy I've never seen before and he wasn't smiling.

I begin to tear up. She tells me that he doesn't mean it. Guys say things like that all the time innocently. He doesn't mean any harm, that's just his sense of humor. He walks in obviously feeling a little guilty and tries to make things better. I got him to apologize. I trust my friend's judgment and if she says he's a really good guy when you get to know him, I believe it and I forgive him. We end up in Maddy's bedroom talking and looking at the skyline and Maddy comes in and tells us he and Rebecca are going to bed. Christopher and I leave and walk outside. I'm completely tanked and know I can't go home tonight. Christopher wants me to go home with him and I accept. It was really my only choice.

Once I understood his personality, we got along much better. I picked on him just as frequently and laughed off his snarkiness. He has a fantastic apartment, probably the best one I've ever seen. He has the moon and the skyline shining in through his 12' x 12' bedroom window. 600 thread count sheets. Down pillows. I drunkenly whisper that it's a good night to sleep with someone, it's just too cold out to sleep alone, especially after walking the 5 blocks to his apartment. He agrees and pulls me to him.

The next morning we began this cat and mouse routine. He would make a move and then back off with me resisting the entire time. I didn't want any of it. I think it was more of he wanted to see if he could get me, instead of he being actually interested. I still can't figure him out, especially when he asked for my number. I don't know if he's going to call, but I want him to out of curiosity. I haven't made my mind up about him yet. But if I'm going to be friends with Maddy and Rebecca, then Christopher and I are going to be thrown together a lot.

The Player's Ungame, Parts 2 and 3

So here's what happened:

Nothing ever transpired between us. We just laid in bed the next afternoon talking for hours. He never even kissed me. When I left Bryan's house, he walked me out and gave me a hug and a kiss on the cheek goodbye. I said if he ever wanted to do this again to call me and he said that they do this type of thing all the time, so I should just call the house. I was referring to our alone time and he was referring to the group hanging out.

I'm not going to fight for this one. I understood him when he was telling me he didn't want to mess up his chances with the other girl. I'm the second choice, I'm not going to fight a losing battle. I'm not going to call up there for awhile. I was invited to hang out with the girls at work this Friday and the weekend after that maybe I'll go to the beach. I need to get away and clear my head. The whole ordeal just irritated me. I felt stupid for calling up there in the first place.

But the thing that irritates me the most is what I call the "hold my hand while you shit in my shoe" phenomenon.

Bryan had said some really wonderful and touching things to me. As I've mentioned before, I can never tell the difference between bullshit and sincerity, as long as it sounds good coming out. I don't know if all those nice things Bryan said are true. I've never felt noticed by him until New Year's Eve. Of course he did have that girlfriend for the last 4 1/2 years until I saw him at Connor's show in November. Could he really be attracted to me?

Should I even care whether he means what he says or not? It doesn't change anything except my self-esteem. I'm still his second choice. He doesn't want a relationship with me. Does it matter if he really thinks I'm incredible or not?

This sort of happened with Nick too. Here is what I think: they just want you for a hook-up, but they want to be nice guys about it so they end up kind of leading you on. They'll pump you full of rubbish (figuratively at this point, hoping to one night move into a more literal sense), listing generic qualities on one hand. Here's a secret: all girls want to hear that they are smart and pretty. Guys like Bryan and Nick want you to remember them as nice guys, maybe cause they think of themselves that way, or that is the perception they want to convey, but also it increases their chances for a repeat hook-up.

"Ooh Bryan thinks I'm smart and pretty and he played with my hair. Yeah I'll hang out with him again. He's nice."

Wrong. Bryan, like other charismatic imposter nice guys, wants some action. Moreover, he wants some action without any consequences, or to explain my phenomenon, "shit in my shoe." Bryan knows what to say and how to say it to make it believable. This prepping is what I call "holding my hand." Hence he holds my hand to shit in my shoe. Makes sense now?

Don't do that. Don't tell me nice things so you can get laid. It confuses me. If you just want to shit in my shoe, let me know and then I can make an informed decision. Tell me I'm not pretty enough or smart enough- I can work with that. Tell me you think it would be incestuous because we all are from the same circle of friends and it could get messy. Say, "For tonight only." That, I understand. I'm no prude, I might consent to that. At least I know what I'm getting myself into.

But Bryan holds my hand. He kisses my palm with "New Year's Eve wasn't a drunken hook-up for me. I've been wanting to do that." I don't know if he meant it or not. He wasn't drinking when he told me that, does that make a difference? I don't know! I can't tell! But I am going to want to believe those things. Those things make me feel good. Worst of all, those things make me think you like me.

I don't need to be any more confused, I already am most of the time anyways.

The Player's Ungame, Part 1

I wasn't going to do it.

I wasn't going to start calling my best friend from college every weekend so I would get a chance to hang out with his hot roommate some more. It's too obvious. Both he and Bryan would see right though to me.

But I did it anyways.

Conor was asleep when I called for him. I heard Bryan talking in the background, so I asked to speak with him instead. I have no game in this situation. I absolutely should not be calling.

Bryan sounds excited to hear from me. He said something about me leaving while he was still asleep last weekend. He said he thought I was going to go to the bathroom and go back to bed. That made me feel good. Wanted.

I suggested something about the group doing something that night. He said everyone was going out to play some pool and invited me too. To be honest, the only reason I'd drive up there to go to a pool hall would be to see Bryan. I told him I'd think about it and he may or may not see me there.

I weighed my plans and caved at 11 pm and went to see him. When I showed up, Bryan smiled and gave me a hug. "I didn't think you'd come," he said. I watched them play pool and Bryan always sat by me when it wasn't his turn, although he wasn't flirty.

Afterwards, we all drove back to his house and Conor's girlfriend rode with me. I asked her if Bryan said anything about New Year's Eve to them and apparently he told them everything. Everything. Slightly embarrassing. Now I'm sure everyone knows why I showed up there this week. She went on to say that Bryan would be a good person to "hook-up" with. It's a bit concerning that she said "hook-up" and not "date-" this leads me to believe that Bryan told them he had no interest in me that way.

At the house we began a game of Trivial Pursuit and Bryan and I teamed together. It was 3 couples, it was so cute. I forgot how much I love to be a part of a couple. He and I kicked ass at the game: he got all the filler questions right and I got all the pie questions right. I was just happy I was able to keep up with him. We won.

After the game everyone went to bed. Another roommate asked if I was going to sleep on the couch and brought out a pillow and blanket for me. I never really answered the question and Bryan lingered behind until the guy went to bed. Bryan moved over to the couch and sat with my head in his lap. I knew something was up because we weren't in his room yet. He told me that there was a girl at work he was interested in and that things between them escalated this week. He said things could go either way, but he was torn between her and me.

Once again I stayed silent with him. He looked at me and I laughed, "I'm not going to tell you what to do!" By the way he spoke, I knew I was the second choice. I flashed back 6 years to Luke when I said, "I'm no one's second choice," and refused to date him again after he told me there was another girl. Really, it was just an excuse because I wasn't attracted to him, but for years he always brought that moment up and what a mistake he made.

I knew if I wanted to play the game, I should have gotten up, told Bryan I'm no one's second choice, and went home. I should have. The game is hard, but it always works. Instead I sat there silently and waited to see if I was worthy of being fooled around with. Same situation with Nick all over again.

I asked Bryan if he was dreading this moment all night (because he'd have to tell me about the other girl and make a decision.) He said it was the exact opposite- he was actually looking forward to this moment all night. Bryan began to stroke my hair and told me I was incredible. He said I was intelligent, funny, and interesting. He said multiple times he had a lot of fun on New Year's Eve and that things between us didn't happen because he was drunk. He had been wanting to do that for awhile. I took this as my opportunity to tell Bryan how I felt. I didn't want the same thing to happen with Bryan that did with Nick. I didn't want things to progress sexually without first vocalizing my emotions.

I told him I've had an affinity towards him for awhile. I talked about the first time we met and about the time we talked at one bar and he kept looking into the mirror next to our table every 5 seconds and how it made me think he was conceited. He laughed and said it was more of he wanted to make sure he didn't look like an idiot and, if I wanted, he'd apologize through a mirror to me. We began to laugh and he led me into his room. We snuggled and talked for another hour before falling asleep.

Why I'm not going out with CB again, or Why Jenni is right:

• The second time he called me, he gave me a quiz he wrote to see how compatible I was for him. My first thought was, "It's not your decision if we go out, it's mine. Stop being so damn cocky that you think it's okay to quiz girls. And who writes a test for future dates anyways?"
• The test had a sex portion. He asked me how many guys I had been with, my favorite position, what turns me on, etc, to all of which I answered, "I'm not telling you that." He said my southern character was coming to the front by not wanting to answer those questions. What girl answers those questions to a perfect stranger? I have exboyfriends that don't even know the answers to them.
• He could lose 30 pounds.
• At the end of our first date when he kissed me in front of my truck, he grabbed my ass. That happens a lot for me, but it made me uncomfortable. One time I had one guy slap my ass on our second date and I turned around and punched him in the gut- I didn't even realize I did it until afterwards. I guess it's an instinct to keep strangers away from my butt.
• He's happy with his station in life. He's content with being a barrista and living off church-donated food.
• He gets mad at me a lot for one date. He got pissed at me on New Years, which is a messed up situation in itself. I decided not to go out with him on New Year's Eve, but he didn't call for 2 days, so I never got to tell him. I missed his call at 3 pm on NYE and when he finally called to go out, IT WAS 11 AT NIGHT ON NYE. I was already tanked at the party. Imagine if I had decided to go out with him and he waited until 11 pm to call. Ass. I can also file that under why going to that party was the best decision I ever made.
• He got mad at me again this week because he wanted me to drop by the coffee shop after work one day and I said that I'd think about it. I never said yes. With my commute, I'm gone for 12 hours a day and I didn't feel like standing around, watching some asshole make coffee. I wanted to go home, put on my pjs, and eat dinner. I didn't go and now he's pulling a 2-year-old temper tantrum.
  
• He doesn't know the following words: smug, snarky, precarious, presumptuous, and facetious.
  

I can't say this without looking like a bastard

CB calls me up, wanting to schedule a second date.

"Okay," I say.
"But this time you're paying."

What? Did he just really ask me out and then told me I'm paying? Can you even do that? I know dating etiquette and girls pay for every third to fifth date. Personally, I'm a fifth date kind of girl; I'm used to being taken care of.

I know I mentioned previously that we're in different financial classes. I wonder which car I'm going to take to the vacation house and he wonders how he's going to pay his bills this month. I'm used to ripping open my pants pockets in new clothing, and he's used to thrift stores. It's fine, I dated a guy before like that. And I paid for everything. And I felt really taken advantage of.

CB doesn't really comprehend the difference between us. I won't let him come over to the house. I won't even tell him my last name. He doesn't know. He told me once that he and his mother have a set-up where they pay money to a church and then, in turn, the church will go to grocery stores and ask for food donations. The church will give the food donations to his family and that's what they eat, whatever the grocery stores donate. Some months it's meat and potatoes, and one month it was a five gallon bucket of Swedish cake icing.

I don't hold this against him, and I know this should make me feel responsible and pick up the tab- but not on a second date. It's not like I was even expecting anything big: our first date was wings and beer. But also, I went to college and spent a long time after college persuing real jobs that pay real money; CB went to a tech school and he's a barrista, one with no plans to do any better for himself.

I told him I would pay for the next date, but he would have to wait a month. We'll see about that.

Desperate Sarah, you're so silly!

One of my best friends from college called me up at 7 on NYE and tells me he's having a party and I'm invited. Just because I decided to not go out on a date doesn't mean I have to stay at home, right? I left the house within 20 minutes after the call.

The party was wonderful. All of my old friends from college were there, some dear ones I haven't seen in years. It was just like old times. I can't remember the last time I was that happy, which goes to show that having a man isn't everything. I gave one up and I got the party instead. Best. Decision. Ever.

The beer is flowing, the alcohol is pouring, and everyone is smiling. I know everyone at the party from one point or another of my college career and they are all here in this room with me. It's heaven.

The countdown begins: 10, 9, 8. I didn't even realize the time. It's time to pair up to kiss and I'm not worried because all my friends are here and I can just kiss them. Then Bryan heads towards me. Bryan is roommates with the guy who invited me here. I've been flirting with Bryan for years and have never yielded any results from it. 3, 2, 1: Bryan kisses me. And kisses me some more. Leans me against the wall and full on makes out with me.

I eventually made my way around the room, but what a hell of a New Year's kiss! I'm talking to some of our mutual friends and they say how Bryan's been really into me all night, but I just didn't notice. The alcohol makes all the details fuzzy, but somehow we end up in his room and we're kissing, and 4 people walk in. And stay for hours. The party had been moved into his room.

It took awhile for everyone to leave, by then it was really early in the morning, around 4 am. Bryan and I made out the rest of the night until we passed out in pure exhaustion.

I would love to tell you some moral how, by closing a door on one opportunity (CB,) a window opened (Bryan,) but it's not like that. At least not now. When I left in the morning I didn't wake him or even write down my number. If he wants to contact me, he can do so through his roommate, but I don't expect him to. All we did was kiss, and there's nothing wrong with that.

CB called me the next day and asked if I woke up naked next to some guy. I lied. He doesn't need to know, we only went out on one date. I think he's upset with me for saying I was going to stay in and then I ended up at a party. Whatevs, I'm just not that into him.