Another week had passed without much word from Statham. I got dressed and left my apartment for my weekly night out. I look forward to it; it's the only social interaction I get all week. Most nights I leave work late and run along the river. After I get home and walk the Femme Fatale and prepare dinner, it's 9:30 by the time I finally sit down.
It was a light crowd that night. Inclement weather in the South kept most people at home. But when the boys discovered I just had my birthday, they took turns buying me birthday shots: blow jobs, red-headed sluts, blonde-headed sluts, something that tasted like orange-flavored cough syrup and then the southern version of an Irish Car Bomb.
Another boy appeared in front of me. I recognized the tattoo sleeve poking our from under his red t-shirt.
I pointed at him, "Is your name [Tattooed Boy]?"
He smiled.
"Hey! I'm Sarah!" I extended my hand to him.
"I know," he said as he took my hand. I've seen him around;I've just never spoken to him.
He sat down next to me and ordered the strongest drink I've ever tasted. He enjoyed watching me try it and then scrunch up my face in disgust. Every so often, he's push his drink toward me.
"I haven't seen you around lately," I said.
"I know. And you won't after this week. I'm moving. Leaving the state."
"Aw, that's a shame. You seem pretty cool."
"I am very cool," he said. "You're missing out."
He invited me out the next night. I accepted and gave him my e-mail address.
Clemson appeared from the corner of the bar. I was splitting food with the Tattooed Boy. He ordered food as well. The Tattooed Boy kept pushing his drink to me and then laughing as I coughed and sputtered.
The Leader grabbed my hand and we danced to a song on the jukebox. I laughed. I laughed a lot. It felt good that the new group of friends were acknowledging my birthday. It felt like acceptance, that I was now one of them.
The Tattooed Boy left and Clemson and I began chatting. He was inquisitive about my family and my origins. I spoke of my father leaving in the middle of the night. He shook his head in sympathy.
"So you hate men?" he asked.
"No! I don't hate men. I'm just wary. Trust has to be earned," I corrected. We spoke for awhile and I grew tired.
Clemson looked at me. "You doing okay?" he asked.
"I'm pretty shit housed," I admitted.
"You can come back to my place again," he offered.
"Okay," I said without protest. I couldn't drive. It wasn't even a question.
He took me back to his place and turned on the TV. It was some ungodly hour and I had to show up to work sometime the next morning. He sat down next to me and I threw a pillow on his lap and laid down. He immediately put his arm around me and caressed my shoulder. I closed my eyes. It felt nice. It felt really nice to experience that kind of physical contact. Despite the selfish, dirty sex, I hadn't received any affection since Valdosta back in January.
Clemson noticed I was dozing and he shut off the TV and told me it was time for bed. He told me to sleep on his side of the bed because it was more comfortable. I climbed in. He pulled up the sheet around me. When I shivered he found a blanket, shook it out and laid in on top of me. I appreciated his sense of detail.
"Ugh," I moaned. The birthday celebration had caught up with me.
"What's wrong?"
"My stomach feels wonky and I have heartburn," I whined.
Clemson fetched a glass of water and a bottle of Tums.
"You have Tums? But you're a boy. Boys don't keep meds," I said.
"Are you kidding me? I'm in my thirties and I'm a computer geek, of course I have Tums. Welcome to your thirties," he said as he toasted me with the water glass.
Clemson climbed in bed and spooned me. I relished it. Not specifically Clemson, but the touch. It felt so good to be held; I miss being held. I sighed and stretched my legs.
"Ow ow ow ow!" I cried as I sat straight up in bed.
"What's wrong?"
"I have a charlie horse in like the arch of my foot!" I wailed. I had increased my running frequency that week, running a 5k every day. I don't know if the increase in male attention was directly related to me dropping a pants size, but I wanted to lose another one just to be sure.
Clemson sat up in bed and grabbed my foot. He rubbed out the cramp. He collapsed into the sheets and I nestled in the crook of his shoulder. When Clemson's alone, he's kind of a gentle guy, I thought. He rubbed my back as I drifted off to sleep.
A few hours later, his alarm went off. I got up and ducked out of his apartment without saying goodbye or thank you.
I have no idea what I'm doing these days.
~Friday, April 29, 2011
Welcome to your thirties
~Thursday, April 28, 2011
The End: How I screwed up
Statham and I have been IMing daily. Some days it's not more than a few lines. Others it's lengthy conversations. After my usual weeknight with the dodgeballers, Statham popped up in the corner of my screen:
How was last night? Any less drama than last week?
No. Drama. Drama. Drama. You realize everyone knows, right?
Knows about what?
I frowned. Then I typed, That we have shared the sex.
Statham panicked. He opened a new IM window and began messaging Girl from Irish Pub, asking what the hell happened last night. Unfortunately all of the drama transpired after she left; she didn't know a thing. Then he contacted his ex to again profess his innocence. He got drunk, hit on me and I turned him down. End of story in his opinion. He said she isn't handling the breakup well and he didn't want to hurt her anymore than he already has.
He did all of this before I had a chance to tell him what exactly happened. After twirling with the boy, I followed Clemson and the leader of the group to a second bar. Never go to a second location on a weeknight. Just shut it down and go home. But I didn't. I perched on my bar stool between Clemson and the Leader. It was just the three of us in the entire bar and we sat there until 2 a.m.
I told dirty jokes while Clemson ribbed me. Then the Leader puffed out his chest and told me about all of his conquests among the league.
"You know all the girls on our team?" the Leader asked.
"Yup."
"I've slept with them all." He paused, "If you were on the team a few seasons ago, you would be a notch on several people's bedposts by now," said the Leader.
"I've been playing with y'all for three seasons!"
"That's right. I heard you hooked up," he said.
I threw my hands in the air. "I don't know what you're talking about. I'm untainted," I professed.
"Right," he said.
Statham was never mentioned by name, and I didn't press the issue because I thought that asking what he meant could be seen as an admission of guilt. Just deny and change the subject.
I sent all of this to Statham.
He's not talking about me, typed Statham. He's talking about you going home with Clemson.
Crap. Didn't know he knew about that.
But it's impossible. I didn't do anything with Clemson. And Clemson was sitting right beside me when the Leader called me out. Clemson would have been caught lying. The person I hooked up with was Statham.
Meanwhile Statham's on the phone with his ex. Just mentioning the gossip that we hooked up hurt her. She decided to leave town for a few days to escape the situation.
Statham insisted that it's Clemson the rumor is about, not him. Then he drops the bomb on me. Everyone knows about me spending the night at his place. Statham heard it from Girl from Irish Pub and he heard it from another girl I've never even spoken to as well as other sources.
Via e-mail, I confessed the entire night. I detailed the night for him so he would know I was telling the truth and not lying, like I was doing for him.
Statham then updated me on the story he concocted for his ex-girlfriend. As he's ad libbing a new story that explains the Leader's rumor, I realized that Statham doesn't give two shits about me; he's more concerned about his ex's feelings than he is mine. Because I now officially feel like garbage. The lies and stories that we never happened are starting to hurt me. We agreed that neither of us would say anything, but the extent he's going to cover it up is beyond any effort I would put forth. It's made me feel cheap.
"I just don't know why the Leader would think we slept together. I never said anything," he told me later that afternoon on the phone.
"Um, really? Do you not remember Saturday when you said we went out and you didn't go home until 2 a.m.? Did you not see my eyes screaming at the other end of the table?" I asked.
"Just tell them we were drinking until 2 a.m." he shot back. I felt myself become smaller. It turned out he wasn't peeing on me; he was just that oblivious.
I never really heard from Statham after that. Not even on my birthday.
~Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Thirty
I turned 30 over the weekend. I feel like I'm supposed to pen some coming-of-age, commemorative post. Except that I don't have a lot to say.
I spent the last year preparing to turn 30. I made a list of everything I ever said I wanted to do and began crossing them off. I didn't finish the list—there were four items left—but I accomplished a lot nonetheless. I ran a 5k. I shot a shotgun. I went pole dancing. I went down a zip line. I did things.
This summer I plan on rock climbing and kayaking and hang gliding. And maybe even finish those paper cranes.
I've been listening to a lot of punk lately. It's got a peppy, upbeat tempo that makes me happy. It's been years since I've listened to it. I've gone through two punk phases before: once in 2000 and again in 2006. Both times I was trying to claim my independence. I have no idea what I'm stake my independence from this time.
Last week I was at the bar of my old dodgeball league catching up with friends. "Next time you see me, I'll be a grown-up!" I laughed as I twirled.
The boy gaped his mouth open in disbelief. "You're turning 30? 30? You?"
The boy in question was 32, so I knew it wasn't the chronological age of 30; it was me being 30.
"You cannot be that old," he stressed. "You're just too young. I mean, you twirl in bars for god's sake." He picked up my hand and spun me around again in demonstration.
He made three. He's the third person in the last couple of weeks who has commented on me being young at heart.
I'm back. S and Christopher did not ruin me.
~Thursday, April 21, 2011
All that glitters is not gold
Saturday was game day. I had my own plans with Schmoozer to go to a festival in the morning, but I was going to make the game. Statham had told me that he wasn't sure which weekend festival he was attending, but he wouldn't be at the game. So I was surprised when I was lazily standing by home plate and heard cries of Statham's name across the field as he caught a pop fly in his own game. He team cheered and rallied around him.
It had been a week since our initial hookup, and this was the first time we were in public together. The Girl from the Irish Pub who had been so hard on me during the week said nothing to me about Statham during the game. Instead we talked about our remaining weekend plans. First Baseman was out of town, and I recognized Clemson's stocky run as he crossed the bases over in Statham's game.
I headed over to the team bar afterwards with the rest of my team. I squinted when the door swung open. I couldn't tell who was entering; all I could see was the bob of his baseball cap. Then Statham appeared at my table.
"Hey! How was y'all's game?"
"Abysmal," I frowned. "We gave up."
He took a seat at the booth. When he found out we had all ordered food, he put in an order as well. Clemson and the rest of Statham's team were drinking outside.
My plan was to deny, deny, deny and pretend that we still don't know each other outside of the league.
"How was your race this morning?" he asked me.
"It was a sloppy race. It was 2,000 people running in a 4-foot wide street. The first two miles were fine, but the last 1.1 miles were a solid incline. However, I did improve my pace by 2 minutes a mile."
"That's great!" he cheered.
Okay, so maybe people would think that I told him that I was running a 5k last week.
He looked at the rest of the table and gestured to me, "We went out on Thursday and she took me to the greatest restaurant. I've been telling everyone about it."
OH MY GOD, THIS WAS NOT IN THE PLAN. RIVER IN EGYPT, STATHAM. RIVER IN EGYPT!
He continued, "Yeah, I didn't get home until 2 a.m. and I had to get up at 5. I was beat. How were you Friday morning, Sarah?"
I shriveled up on the inside. The boy is peeing on me. That's what he's doing. The damned fool is marking territory. Because you know who is sitting next to me? The leader of the entire sports league. The main man who has slept with everyone. This is the guy that keeps a running tally of who has slept with whom. When my girlfriend denied who she has gone home with from the league, it was the leader who pulled me aside and told me. This has just become part of my permanent record.
Now, why was Statham giving me the golden-shower treatment?
Was it because he liked me? Or was he getting back at his ex in some effed-up manner?
Everyone began talking about Easter plans. I announced I wouldn't be in town.
"That's right. You're going to the Nooga for your 30th birthday," explained Statham.
"Really? That surprises me. I would not have thought that about you," said a girl at the table.
I could have said, That's what Statham said! But I didn't. I was still trying to play it cool. "You're the second person who's said that to me this week!"
Statham met my gaze and said nothing.
After he was done eating, Statham did his usual thing. He parked his pitcher of beer by me and flitted off to the other tables to say hello. Periodically he'd return and join the conversation while pouring himself another pint. No one said a word to me about our date and I was grateful. I
I left with my team and we worked our way out by stopping at each team's table. Clemson's face lit up when he saw me; I don't think he knows. We chatted for a brief minute. Then I walked with my team to my car.
As I was fiddling with my Shuffle, I saw Statham appear in my rear view mirror. I rolled my window down.
"I'm going to go home and nap before tonight," he said.
"Yeah, me too. I'm exhausted."
"I've got plans to meet some guy friends of mine," he offered.
"That sounds like fun."
He winked at me. "You behave yourself tonight, okay?"
"Yeah, you too."
I drove away. Down the road I was stopped at a light and I saw Statham's car come up on my left. He honked as he passed me.
Nope. Still can't figure him out.
~Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Statham of the Union
~Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Ramifications
~Monday, April 18, 2011
Sleeping with the Enemy
~Friday, April 15, 2011
Sunday
~Thursday, April 14, 2011
Wendy
~Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Girl's Night
Love, Sarah at 11:17 AM| 15 comments